(Closed) My newly engaged cousin sets date weeks before our wedding

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I don’t think it’s that big of a deal.

Your family knew about your date anyway if your save the dates are already out. Focus on your wedding and not on theirs.

I bet that chances are if they are having a desination wedding and you are not, that they’d be more likely to come to yours.

Post # 4
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I think you get to choose whether or not this is going to bother you, and I advise you choose that it doesn’t.

Though they’ve not been engaged as long as you and your SO, that doesn’t mean that she’s not just as excited about her big day as you are. It doesn’t mean she set the date to compete with you. Perhpas she always wanted to get married in the summer, or she knows that this time of year is better for some of her guests, and they didn’t want to be engaged more than a year.

A lot of your family may not be able to attend her wedding because it’s a destination wedding…and I imagine that you are both important enough to them that they will do what they can to attend both.

There’s nothing you can do about how much $ somebody chooses to gift you, so there’s no reason to even worry about that. You can’t change anything by worrying about it, and you’ll never know if they would have given more if your cousin was not also getting married.

I think I can understand a bit how you feel, but in the end, you have the power to decide if this is going to affect you or not…and really, it’s best for everybody if you decide to let it all go.

Post # 5
Member
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Yeah, I think you’re being unreasonable, and yeah, I think this isn’t really that big of a deal.  🙂

Post # 7
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2012

As long as they didn’t choose the same day as you, it should not matter. It should not make a difference the amount of gifts/money you receive on your wedding day, you should be happy that your family can make it to your wedding and enjoy your special day with them!

Post # 8
Member
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

It’s not that big a deal, but I can understand why you’d be upset about them cutting in front of you.  (that’s how I think of it. lol)

Post # 9
Member
3000 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

There are surprisingly a lot of instances of this happening (especially to women on WB), whether it be a friend, sibling, cousin, etc. There are a lot of posts about situations like this and I think you’ll find that most women will tell you that you get ONE day to celebrate your wedding with your relatives. If hers were the week before you or the week after, it might be different, but you just can’t do anything when it’s 4 weeks apart, unfortunately. 

 

I’m sure your family knows all about your wedding and they are also probably a bit shocked that she came basically out of no where and planned a wedding for a time before yours, but don’t stress about it!

Post # 10
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think it is kinda cool, your family will have a chance to get together two times in one summer! When does that ever happen? I get to see mine once every five years when someone dies. Just sayin’.

Post # 11
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think you are unreasonably upset.  How much time out of the year needs to be devoted to each persons wedding?! You get your wedding day, that’s amazing! You don’t get the quarter into which it falls.  Be happy for them, and enjoy your time too!

 

Additionally, a wedding is not for gifts or money.  And while I’m not necessarily directing this at just the OP-I’m shocked at how many brides to be get wrapped up in the gift aspect of a wedding………!

 

Post # 12
Member
4124 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Its not a massive deal but I can understand why you’re upset.

That said, you’ve already sent out Save-The-Date Cards, everyone knows when your wedding will be.  My cousin got engaged and set the date and then her brother got engaged (like two weeks later) and set the date 4-6weeks beforehand.  Everyone was just a bit annoyed at him for it.

Post # 13
Hostess
11167 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Dear OP, as someone who is currently in the middle of this very situation I can say without a doubt that you are most certainly not overreacting and your concerns are warranted (all except the stealing the thunder….that I don’t believe in).

My Fiance and I were engaged for six months when my dear cousin got engaged and rushed her wedding which will now take place six weeks before mine (March). We are in each other’s weddings to further complicate things. My family is now realizing what I have been concerned with all along, that is in an awfully difficult thing to accomodate two weddings within weeks of each other at opposite ends of the state when you take into consideration travel expenses, money, paid time off and other responsibilities. I am desperately hoping that they like you mentioned will not be forced to choose because I would be really hurt.

Just to add, I feel saddened that with my upcoming wedding I cannot afford the extra expenses of flying down (or even driving) to attend her bridal shower and bachelorette party. I would love to be able to share these experiences with her and feel cheated somewhat.

While it is her right to have her wedding whenever she chooses, knowing what I know now about extraneous family circumstances I think perhaps a bit more thought and consideration might have been nice when she was deciding a date. Oh well, too late now!

 

Post # 14
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

You’re not irrational.  I understand where you’re coming from.  I’d be kinda miffed if someone just up and got engaged right now and announced their wedding would be right before mine. However, your cousin’s date is four weeks before yours.  That’s a month and should be plenty of time for family members to recover and attend yours.  Is yours nearby where your relatives live?

Post # 15
Member
69 posts
Worker bee

You should be happy for your cousin. I am also getting married about a month before my cousin. I am also having a Destination Wedding. To say it frankly, I just don’t care and I really see nothing wrong with it. I am living my life and we are getting married when it’s convenient for us. I can’t plan my wedding around a cousin whom I never see. A month apart is plenty of time. There could be 50 reasons why they chose that date.

I would try to let it go. A lot of people will not go to a Destination Wedding so you should have plenty of guests. You seem to be very concerned with receiving gifts and money. I have some opinions about some of what you said regarding that, but I will keep this post about the wedding dates.

 

 

Post # 16
Member
415 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Another perspective – my FI’s cousin who he hasn’t seen in years got engaged before us, so they got the date I wanted.  Now we’re getting married a month before them, but in reality I gave up my perfect wedding date for them!  There are people I am close to who won’t be able to attend my wedding because of them, and I personally may never even meet this cousin.

A month apart, or even a week apart, seems totally fine to me, considering how hard it is to set a date that works for everyone to begin with.

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