Post # 1
Member
1032 posts
Bumble bee
My niece is 4, and is spoiled rotten. I feel awful saying this, because I do love her, but I really wish she didn’t have to come to my wedding.
She SHRIEKS at the top of her lungs when she wants something, and then my sister gives her whatever it was, she was screaming about. And now, she’s started throwing things when she wants her way, too. She also destroys everything by ripping it/coloring on it/throwing it. AND she SPITS on people/things too! My sister yells at her for the spitting, but my niece just laughs in her face and my sister laughs it off.
We’re having an adults-only wedding, but my sister is travelling from Out of Town, so she obviously cant leave my niece behind..
I’ve been upfront with my sister about being worried that my niece may … ruin… our ceremony. I’ve told her that to me, the ceremony is the most important part of the day and the last thing I want is some kid screaming “I WANNA WATCH DORRRRRAAA!!!!!!” right in the middle of me saying my vows to my soon-to-be-husband.
My sister doesn’t think my niece is spoiled at all. She keeps reassuring me that my niece will be “fine.” and “well behaved.”
Yeah. I don’t think so.
It makes me sick to think about it… I’m almost hoping that my sister or my niece catches a cold or something and cant attend the wedding at all. :
What can I do, to help my niece behave for 30 mins and not ruin my ceremony?
Post # 3
Member
5196 posts
Bee Keeper
@LadyMoriarty: Is your neice a flower girl? If not – can you get a babysitter to watch her for the day? Maybe someone who you know is responsible/trustworthy – for example, a friend’s mom or a friend’s sister who wouldnt be invited to the wedding but would be fine doing this favor?
My FI’s nephew is our ring bearer, but we want him to leave once dinner is over (Our friends are all big parties so ppl will definitely be getting very drunk and dancing all night and we don’t want a 5 yr old in the mix) so we are thinking about finding a baby sitter for him. We also dont want FI’s mom stuck watching him since his sister (nephews mom) tends to not watch her own kid.
Post # 4
Member
278 posts
Helper bee
@LadyMoriarty: Talk to her yourself, one on one. And put the fear of god into her. So, Serious Face, evil voice, inventive and graphic repercussions 😉
…Maybe not, but it’s what I usually do to make unruly kids behave. Sometimes the authority of someone who isn’t their parent can work.
Post # 5
Member
1032 posts
Bumble bee
@weatherbug: That’s actually a great idea. My sister is pretty protective of my niece though; she doesn’t let her go to play groups and she doesn’t leave her alone with babysitters ever because my niece cries and freaks out, so my sister gives up.
I’ll ask her how she’d feel about me paying for a babysitter for my niece for a night. I’m worried about her flying off of the handle though. Before, when I calmly and politely talked to her about ways to “quiet” my niece during the ceremony, she got instantly defensive and said “Well if you think she’s going to be such a problem, WE WONT COME TO YOUR WEDDING AT ALL!”… Sigh. It’s hard talking to her. But I will definitely try offering to pay for a babysitter that night for her.
Post # 6
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
@LadyMoriarty: If she absolutely must attend and cannot be looked after by someone at home or on site, seat your sister and niece in the back of the ceremony on the aisle and have an usher assigned them, on task to escort them OUT the very second she starts up. Wait for them to exit, and then continue on your ceremony.
Post # 7
Member
1846 posts
Buzzing bee
I have a neice that’s the exact.same.way. The shrieking, my god the shrieking!
i don’t have much advice, because my SIL is the same way also, she babies her and puts up with murder, and there’s no discipline. The only thing is maybe if you talk to her yourself.
The thing is tho, there does come a point where you have to stop mentioning it, because all its going to do is cause problems with your sister. You either have to invite her and accept the consequencesm or don’t invite her at all.
Post # 8
Member
774 posts
Busy bee
- Wedding: October 2013 - Dalhousie Castle
Try having her favourite (quiet) toys under a seat at the ceremony location. Maybe some colouring books too. It only has to hold her attention for 30 mins.
Also, the kids won’t bother you as much as you think. We had a couple of young ones and two started crying in the ceremony. This was my nightmare before, but it hardly bothered me on the day.
Post # 9
Member
1032 posts
Bumble bee
@FortiesFlare: I know. I cant imagine the kind of drama and guilt I’d get if i uninvited my sister all together.
My BIL was going to be the kid-wrangler and take her inside if she started misbehaving, but he’s not coming now becuase they dont have the $ for all of the plane tickets, so there goes Plan A.
Plan B is trying to see if my sister would be comfortable if i hired a babysitter for the night. Our wedding is outdoors at a Bed & Breakfast, so the babysitter can hang out inside the B&B in one of the living rooms or bedrooms and try and keep my niece busy. Then again, knowing my niece, she’d probably break free and run outside and start screaming bloody murder. Ugh… I kind of hate kids right now :
Post # 10
Member
1032 posts
Bumble bee
@AnotherMrsBrown: I hope so. I wouldn’t mind her quietly talking… but she SCREAMS. Unfortunately the only thing that keeps her busy, is my sisters iPhone, and she doesn’t like playing on it, she makes my sister play on it. I know it sounds ridiculous, because it is.
My sister will give her the phone and she screams NOOOO, YOU DO IT!!! So my sister has to sit there and play games on it, FOR my niece to sit and watch.
They bought her a leadpad and something else, and she just throws it around. She never uses it. She’s really just the most destructive kid I’ve ever known.
Post # 11
Member
2511 posts
Sugar bee
Do u know anyone else with kids who could take your niece and their own kids to a super fun play place for kids – like an indoor bounce place just for the few hours you need for the ceremony. Honestly most 4 year olds are perfectly capable of understanding the seriousness oa wedding and should be able to behave well but if this is not the case then this would be a great solution for everyone and your niece would certainly have a fun time ! GL!
Post # 12
Member
774 posts
Busy bee
- Wedding: October 2013 - Dalhousie Castle
@LadyMoriarty: Oh man, she sounds like a right pain. What a spoilt brat.
I think hiring someone to take care of her at the venue is probably your best bet. Sounds like you need a super nanny or something though! If that doesn’t work out then I would be firm about asking your sister to take her out if she starts acting up.
You can ask the person conducting the ceremony to pause and ask her to leave (in a nice way). Ours said he would be happy to do this if we wanted, then the family can’t really be angry at you. Luckily ours were pretty nice children and not screamers, just criers. Quite legitimately too as they were both pretty jet lagged.
Post # 13
Member
12249 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
I don’t know if this will help, but we had an uninvited infant scream through the entire ceremony, and we didn’t even notice it until we got the video back!
Post # 14
Member
479 posts
Helper bee
@LadyMoriarty: I was also thinking of having an on site sitter available. I’m having a bit of the same issue. My niece to be is 10 & my FSIL/MOH screams at her all day. She was annoyed that I said children could not attend, but I’m actually doing her a favor. She won’t have to yell and be aggravated as well support me on the biggest day of my life. It’s hard bcuz as brides we don’t want to seem selfish but the whole darned day is about us & our Fiance. I hope your niece either matures or your sis considers a sitter. Good Luck!
Post # 15
Member
44 posts
Newbee
@AnotherMrsBrown: +1
I agree with asking the person conducting the ceremony to pause it if there is any disruption. He/She could ask whoever is causing the disruption to step inside and it would not look bad on you. Plus it would imbarrass your sister and MAYBE get her to realize how bratty her child is.
Post # 16
Member
7759 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
@LadyMoriarty: As a parent, I was always reluctant to have a babysitter I didn’t know personally. So don’t be surprised if your sister vetoes it.
How about someone paying for BIL’s airfare instead? (It’s rather strange him not coming to start with. You could point out it’d be much easier for your sister to enjoy the wedding if he husband is there).
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