(Closed) My not so perfect relationship- sorry very long

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
18628 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think there are a lot fewer “perfect couples” that it seems.  I know that I don’t like to air my dirty laundry about our relationship because it makes me feel ashamed  but it’s not a deal breaker so it’s not something I feel like I have to get out.

Post # 4
7429 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

@MrsSaltWaterTaffy: I agree with this.  HUbs and I definitely have arguments, don’t always see eye to eye, and don’t always like each other. But over the years, we have learned to work through them. 

The one thing that I don’t like that I see over and over on the boards is how most girls will jump right to either you need to leave him (which, given how much we see in some posts, it does seem like a possible option), but also, counseling.  I don’t agree with this in every aspect, and dont’ think that its a cure all for what goes on in a relationship.  We had a lot of problems in the beginning, and we both wanted to fix them, so we worked together to find a soltion that worked for us.  I don’t always think  counseling is the answer,a lot of times, open and honest communication and good problem solving skills is all you need.

OP, we are all far from perfect. I just think that most of us choose not to air our problems out here, and with so many people turning to alternate identities, like you, there seem to be a good amount of problems that people have here in the hive

Post # 5
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

I dont think anyone thinks their relationship is perfect all the time. But I do think that there are a lot of woman who dont want to air out their dirty laundry in public. Relationships are private between you and that other person. So sure Fiance and I dont always agree or always get along, and we have far from perfect days sometimes and he is not perfect and neither am I but we are perfect for eachother.. Thats the difference where you maybe thinking all these woman are crazy but my perfect for me could be far than perfect for you!!

Post # 6
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think maybe it’s not about being perfect. I think maybe it’s about being happy. I know in my relationship we both have flaws (okay, the flaws are mostly mine) and sometimes one or the other or both of us are irritable or having a bad day, but most of the time, it feels perfect.

There are probably people that would look at us and go “Oh god, she’s so annoying. How can he stand it?” or “He’s so dull, how does she put up with it?” or whatever. But we suit each other just fine.

I think a big part of it is that I never feel like we’re on opposite sides; even when we’re disagreeing, neither of us is thinking, “This is best for me.”

Post # 7
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I agree that most of us aren’t perfect. Not even close… as others said, most of us don’t want to…. or are scared to.. air our dirty laundry. Another point.. on a wedding board.. online… doing the planning… a lot of our heads are in the happy clouds so we have lots of happy thoughts.

I am sorry you are feeling distress on this…. have you considered couples counseling? It sounds like you could both really benefit from this … many couples do this now even if they don’t have huge problems….

Post # 8
764 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

We are FAR from perfect –  but I love him. Sometimes I do wonder how I ended up with an older man and sometimes I fear how life will be in the future. But I love him and he makes me whole.

That’s more than I could ask for.

Post # 9
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

No relationship is perfect b/c people are not perfect. Fighting is normal, if a couple is apathetic they why are they together? Couples don’t agree all the time but if they fight they are fighting for their relationship. As I am sure you know love, true love is not a fairy tale…fairy tales never tell us what comes after the “happily ever after”

That said if you are having these thoughts, hesitation or second thoughts then calling it off or post poning is the wise thing to do. I had second thoughts about my first marriage, I was 22 and afraid to say anything. A little over a year later I was filing for divorce. You can always set a new date, getting married is easy (in terms of what to do, get license, go to priest/ rabbi/JOP and you are married). Getting divorced, is expensive, frustrating, time consumming etc.

I think you are being safe rather than jumping in for appearance sake and risking being sorry later. Not being 100% sure, is a sure sign to talk to your fiance and atleast post pone.

I hope you can work it out but if you can’t you are still you (and you seem like a strong, independant woman)

Post # 10
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@MrsSl82be: I couldnt agree more on your opinion on some posts. *sigh*.

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