(Closed) My older brother just told me that he's gay… and I'm in shock

posted 6 years ago in LGBTQ
Post # 3
Member
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I don’t really have any advice from a personal standpoint since I’ve never been in your shoes before (I saw it coming with my friends) but I thought I would throw an idea out there in the mix in case you hadn’t thought of it before.  You might consider looking for a support group (either online or in person) for homosexuality or LGBT.  There are a lot of family and friends in those types of groups who are probably feeling a lot of the same stuff you’re feeling right now, as well as homosexual people who might be able to tell you what kinds of things they would want their family members to say or do after they “came out” so you could get a lot of perspective that way.  I’m so glad you’re happy for him!  I’m sure in his mind the biggest obstacle is out of the way! πŸ™‚  If you are close with him, it might be a good idea to talk to him about all the things you’re feeling too.  It might make him feel better about the whole thing too and secure in the fact that you love him and are there for him no matter what.  I totally get that it’s hard to wrap your mind around this new info since you weren’t expecting it at all, but you’ll get used to it in the end. πŸ™‚  Just be glad you’re not having to work through any biases in addition to wrapping your head around the idea lol I bet your brother couldn’t be happier that you support him no matter what! xD

Post # 5
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

You should see if there is a PFLAG chapter near you.  

http://community.pflag.org/

It a group for parents, families and friends of lesbians and gays.  They offer support groups that can help you sort through your emotions as they have all been in the same situation.

More than anything I’m sure that your brother just wanted to know that you love him for who he is.  I’m sure he understands that it may take some time for everything to feel 100% normal, but as long as he knows he has your support that’s all that really matters.

Post # 6
Member
959 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@lybarra: Completely agree with you!

OP, it’s completely understandable and normal for you to feel the way you do because it seems it caught you by surprise. I am sure your brother knows but as long as you have acknowledged the situation and accept it then I think that’s what truly matters to him. I’m happy to hear you are happy for him and support him πŸ™‚

Post # 7
Member
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@stillinshock:  That’s so cute that you have the same taste in guys! πŸ™‚  Maybe you can scope out guys together sometime. Cool  Check out that link lybarra posted and I’m sure with that, and some time things will get back to “normal” as you say.  

Of course you ran to the bee first, I think that’s what most of the regular posters would have done! lol  Glad to see you’re handling it well though, like I said I’m sure that’s the most important part. πŸ™‚

Post # 8
Member
631 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m the Mom of a gay son. He is age 30 now. When he came out I wanted to learn all that I could so that I could understand. He was is college at the time so I went to visit him and I met his friends and he took me to the gay bars. I spent a lot of time talking to his friends and their biggest fear is that they would be rejected by their families and some were.

My son dated in high school too. I used to tease him about how much money I spent on prom flowers!!

You can PM me. I have walked the journey you are on now and I would be happy to talk to you.

Just love him.

Post # 9
Member
631 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012
Post # 11
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@stillinshock:  I think it’s nice that you are worried about your brother in terms of his future marriage.  I can tell you personally that I was beyond happy for my sister at her wedding, so happy I even wore a dress to be her maid of honor (I stopped wearing dresses once I got old enough to pick out my own clothes!). Now that I’m planning my own wedding in a state where it isn’t legal I’m proud to say that my sister is my biggest supporter and I love her so much for that. I will admit I’m not as sensitive as others, of course I wish I could marry legally but just because I can’t doesn’t mean that I’m not going to have the wedding of my dreams to the woman of my dreams.  

 

Post # 12
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@stillinshock:  I’m gay (well, bisexual, but married to another woman).  And if I’d been left out of my own sister’s wedding to spare my feelings, I would have been devastated!  You have nothing to feel guilty about due to including him.  All you can really do is to hope and work for the day when he will also be free to marry whomever he wants.

Post # 13
Member
2907 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

I just wanted to 2nd the PFLAG suggestion, it’s a great source of support. I go to meetings occasionally with a friend whose teen daughter is gay, and it’s really good for people to have a place to talk about their feelings!

The topic ‘My older brother just told me that he's gay… and I'm in shock’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors