(Closed) "my only request is you get married by a minister"

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

Do you by any chance have a friend who is a minister? would you feel better about it if you have a minister marry you but the ceremony wasn’t in a church and the religious stuff was kept to a strict minimum? There are ministers out there perfectly happy to marry those not committed to the faith.

or just f them and do what you want. If you have to give back the money, so be it. It’s your wedding.

Post # 4
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Well, minister doesn’t mean priest. You can find many officiants who are ordained Unitarians; they are basically spiritual humanists, but still ministers. I was married by one the first time around in part to semi-placate Catholic in-laws; it wasn’t a big deal.

Post # 5
Member
3779 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Jw1724:  Our officiant is a friend of the family and the Best Man’s uncle. He owns a motorcycle shop, a bar, a used car lot, and just so happens to be an ordained minister. You might be surprised at who you find that’s ordained!

Post # 6
Member
905 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

My parents made a similar request even though I don’t regularly go to church and neither do they (although I was raised vaguely Christian and FIs family is entirely athiest). I went out and found a church that supports causes I believe in and whose values don’t clash with mine (they inducted an openly lesbian couple as new church members on Easter Sunday–not bad!). The minister has agreed to a mostly secular service because that’s all we’re comfortable with. 

We agreed not because we want to be married by a religious leader, but because it keeps the drama away. I think trying to find someone who is ordained but understands your reservations is probably the best route. If she said minister and not priest you’re off the hook for anything Catholic, which will make a religion-lite service much easier to achieve.

Post # 8
Member
2554 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

“her only request”? she doesn’t get to make requests if she’s not paying.

 

update: sorry! i just read that they did in fact pay. we did a regular ceremony, secular, the way we wanted it, and then we had a little private “blessing” performed by a minister, in front of my husband’s family. seemed like a good compromise. we weren’t actually married by her, but they still got what they wanted (sort of)

Post # 9
Member
3779 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Jw1724:  If you have someone who means a lot to you and Fiance, you could ask if they would be willing to get ordained. You can do it online…

Post # 10
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

My fiance and I went through the same thing. We ended up booking a non denominational church to meet in the middle, his dad was still unhappy we weren’t having a catholic wedding, but we could only compromise so much. Good luck!

Post # 12
Member
6537 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m assuming when she says “by a minister” she is meaning someone who is actually a religous  officiant as opposed to someone who is just a “wedding officiant” and is ordanced to only perform weddings (which is actually popular where I live, as we’re a destination wedding area).

That being said, like others mentioned, you’d be surprised who you can find when looking. My “minister” (who is a good friend of mine) is a local wedding officiant and while now he pretty much only marries people he is in fact retired from church ministry. These days most of the ceremonies he preforms are non-denominational but because he is a seminary ordained minister (and personally religious) he does also perform ceremonies with a more religous undertone. 

Post # 14
Member
3779 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Jw1724:  On a related note, I just got ordained online.. 5 minutes ago.

Post # 16
Member
3779 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Jw1724:  Sure! lol

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