(Closed) My Opinion Doesn’t Matter

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

so sorry this is happening!  My advice is decide whats most important to you and s tick to your guns.  For some of the smaller things its ok to give in a little in the interest of keeping the peace, but if its something you truly care about (like having your best friend at your wedding) then find your voice and state your needs calmly and clearly and dont take no for an answer.  good luck!

Post # 4
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I am so sorry, this sounds like a terrible situation for you to be put in. I agree with laceandpearls10, figure out what is the most important to you, then stick to your guns on that one! I would put my foot down on the best friend attending, and conviently, if that date just happens to be the one at the venue you like, yay! Then you can get both things you want!

Or you can remember the mantra my Fiance taught me on the phone one night when I was worried about what other people were thinking:

Fiance: “Who’s wedding is it?”  ME:”Mine.” FI: “Who’s wedding is it?” ME: “Mine.” Fiance: “Who’s wedding is it?” ME: “Oops, I’m sorry babe, its ours.” Fiance: “No, you were right, its YOURS, and you do what you want, everyone else had their day already!”

That helps me when other people are trying to make my decisions for me!

Post # 5
674 posts
Busy bee

Well, OP is right in that if they are paying, they have a big say in how things go. However, I don’t think that precludes you from sitting down with them with your Fiance by your side to have a chat about while you appreciate everything they are doing for you guys, this really no longer feels anything like what the two of you imagined. Let them know while you understand the need to compromise, you don’t feel like your opinions have been taken into consideration at all and that you’re not even excited about the wedding aspect of it anymore.

I know this isn’t easy. On a much, much smaller scale, my mom used to buy me clothes she would assume I’d like all the time and send them to me. I kept them in the closet even when they still had tags and I clearly wasn’t going to wear them. I would say about 1 in 3 excursions, she’d get it right. But, that still meant 2 out of 3 pieces that I’d never wear. I tried to speak up politely, always assuming I shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Finally, after cleaning out my closet for the thrift store one day, I actually had a serious chat with her about it. I gave her a better outline of things I could use if she randomly found them on some crazy discount, but otherwise, I’d take care of the shopping myself. I made it clear that I just didn’t want her wasting her money, even though I appreciated the thought behind it. Like I said, a much smaller scale, but still very emotional since she’s very big on just “taking care” of these things.

I think if you actually express that this is causing you stress instead of building your enthusiasm for marrying your Fiance, then they are likely to change their approach. It may not solve all of the issues like the venue and date, but you might be able to get what hasn’t been planned back on track to represent the two of you.

ETA: If you’re not willing to have the conversation, then I think the best way to try and rescue anything that might be important to you is to offer to pay for that portion of the wedding. If the clothing bothers you, then go ahead and say you’ve got it covered and you’re paying for it yourself. That is the only way you’ll have full control over it. Yes, it might still make some people upset, but if you’re paying, they can’t do anything about it.

Post # 6
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Salma8h:  It’s a tough predicament and so sorry to hear that. Despite that it’s “your” wedding, when in reality, it’s not just your day, but the parents’ as well.  Both parents are excited for their kids and want the very best especially if they’re paying for the wedding, it’s hard not to accommodate their wishes.  My Fiance is indian and we are mixing cultures so I completely understand.  PM me if you need to vent more. 🙂

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