- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2014
Hi bees, (skip to the bolded part for my dilemma)
I need some help/perspective from moms/those who are pregnant. We were planning our wedding for January 2014, in India. SO and I are “from India” so it’s not a destination wedding, it’s more of a traditional wedding. My SO is not big into wedding details but he only has 1 set of living grandparents and it was hugely important to him to do the wedding in India so they could attend. This severely limits our options of when to get married. I’m in law school so I have some breaks (winter break) etc when I get extended time off.
We picked Jan because it worked for our famililes and some of our friends who would be making the trip. January is also great weather in India (cool at times). It would give me time to get married in law school which I really wanted so I could take advantage of my last year being pretty relaxed before taking the bar/starting a 60-80 hr/week job.
My family was not happy with our wish to get married despite our being together for 9+ years (they ignored our relationship for a long time because SO and I are different religions). My parents finally gave us their blessing last month. I know Jan 2014 is close, but we can plan a wedding in India in 6 months so the added time of doing it later (Aug 2014) is not worth the downsides of Aug for me.
Before my family was ok with it, I told all of them during Dec/Jan that I wanted to get married in Jan. This weekend I went ot visit my brother and he told me he didn’t know about January (despite the fact that I discuss my wedding with my mom every day). It hurt me that even though they agreed, there was no excitement about my wedding and my parents n brother hadnt even spoken about it once in 6 weeks!
DILEMMA: My brother’s wife (SIL) became pregnant and is due in Aug 2013 with their first child. I thought this was fine because the baby would be 4 months old at the time of my wedding. But my brother seemed really against taking the baby overseas on such a long trip before it was 6mos -1 yr. I said ok because I didn’t want ot jeopardize the baby’s health and I didn’t want it on my conscience if anything went wrong but my mom and I had spoken to SIL that 4 months is a good amount of time, and SIL’s parents and sister and BIL are all doctors so the baby would be well cared for.
Due to my schedule and my BIL (SO’s brother’s) schedule of being in college, the only other date we can do right now is Aug 2014. However that would be one week after I take the bar, with one week before I potentially start my crazy job. My job may start as late as the end of Sept. But I feel like I would be extremely distracted by my wedding for the bar, I feel like I would lose the ease of getting married during school and would miss out on having 5 months of easy time with my husband. It is also insanely HOT, MUGGY, RAINY in India in Aug, making it possible that our outdoor wedding would be ruined. I’m also not sure if it’s safer to take a 1 yr old into that weather (potential for disease w mosquitos) than in the winter when the baby is 4 months. Not all our frends can attend in Aug but my Maid/Matron of Honor and my SO’s 2 closest groomsmen can.
At first I told my parents not to pressure my brother/SIL into January but the more I think about it, the more I see the downsides to Aug. Is it horrible to ask them to come then or to put them in a position where only my brother can attend? They also won’t have much paid time off in Jan (but can’t they maybe save one week of maternity/paternity leave for that?)
Please tell me if I’m being callous/ignorant of a first time parent’s concerns!
*There is also a slight fear that my brother is trying to delay the wedding by feigning ignorance about the date (he said he hadn’t known it was Jan). This fear is because during this visit my brother was rude to my SO (first time they met in 3 yrs, first time SIL met my SO) and my brother told my SO that they were not close and he was not comfortable w this relationship since it was “a pill shoved down his throat” and therefore, they hadnt been that inrerestd in getting to know my SO during the visit.