- 7 years ago
- Wedding: December 1969
Last year around this time I got what I thought was a proposal from SO, which was not. He did the whole thing of pulling a box out of a pocket, and the whole shpeel about how awesome I am. I opened the box to find a diamond ring. Turned out it was an “i love you” ring and nothing more.
After talking about it afterwards (and lots of venting here), I decided to kind of limit the wedding marriage talk and gave myself my own internal deadline of our next anniversary (coming in March) as the time I would have the balls out, cards on the table conversation with SO. I actually think that it will happen before then, and even possibly today.
For me, I think that the timing is perfect for a re-evaluation of our priorities and to let SO know that things are never going to be perfect. Something WILL come up, so if he uses all his “stuff” that he has going on as an excuse we will never get married.
So, I do plan on talking to him about it and just letting him know where I stand. This will be a direct, “I want to get married and have another child, I’m 33,” so piss or get off the pot. Sorry to be so blunt, but that’s how I feel (though I will say it more tactfully).
All of this “stuff” that is happening has absolutely NOTHING to do with me, my kids, or our relationship. It has to do with SO’s “stuff” that affects our relationship. I have been there and continue to be supportive of him, but I need him to understand that he can’t keep putting me and really and truly becoming a family on hold because in the mean time we’re BOTH dealing with HIS baggage together. That’s what family is, you know? And, to be frank, his baggage is exhausting on our relationship as it is and I’m starting to feel resentful, like I’m not your wife and this is not my problem. (Not that I would say that to him, mind you.)
I’m not at all nervous about it, to be honest. I will, of course, be heartbroken if he doesn’t get with the program, but I’m not nervous. This is a conversation that has to happen because if I just sit back and continue to patiently wait it may never happen, or happen years down the road. I desreve to be happy. I deserve to be with someone who wants me to be their wife in every sense of the meaning of the word. So, we shall see what happens.