(Closed) My own diamond vs family diamond. Help please.

posted 6 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Is it about money (since you offered to help pay)? If he can’t afford a 1.5 carat diamond and that’s all you really want, I’d say maybe have the not so great diamond put into a simple and inexpensive setting for now. Let the issue die down and focus on other priorities. Then when it’s not such a hot button issue you can say “You know what honey, I’ve been wearing this ring for [x amount of months] now, and it just isn’t me. I’d like to go look at other stones now that we have a little savings.”

You’re not ungrateful, you just have to be tactful and perhaps play your cards right to get the ring you really want.

Post # 4
Member
4714 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1998

Be honest and dont settle for something that you will have to look at for the rest of your life. If he cant afford a ring right now then tell him you can wait. That isnt fair that they are all mad at you. Dont get that diamond reset,  tell her thanks but no thanks…it was recycled too many times and you want your own.

Post # 5
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Just an option.  Can you find your dream setting, put that diamond in as a temp diamond and replace the diamond for your dream diamond for an anniversary?

 

edit:  looks like that option was sort of already out there

Post # 6
Member
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Depending on where you live, a jeweler can have the diamond recut to be a more ideal optical sparkly stone.  Rounds are much more expensive, so once it is recut, certified, and returned to you, you can work a deal to swap the diamond for a different shape.  OR you can try and ask for a different shape now.

 

If a jeweler see’s potential in improving the diamond, they will invest the money in recutting.  And because Radiant cuts are not as expensive or in demand, you may come out very happy girl!!!

Post # 7
Member
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

If you want to message me I have a reference for someone who can give it to a cutter, but first have a jeweler clean it, appraise it, and identify it with photos or whatever you need to feel comfortable.  Never send off something unless you are sure who it is and what you want done.

 

Post # 10
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I personally think you should stand your ground on this issue, it will be on your hand every single day for the rest of your life! You dont want it to become an area of resentment!

Maybe you could use the family ring for a trade in or something?

Post # 11
Member
1359 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I mean… I think he’s being pretty ridiculous. He won’t pay for the stone you really want, and he won’t let YOU pay for the stone you really want. You should not have to wear an ugly stone you don’t like – that makes it a symbol of him not caring about your desire vs. a symbol of your love and commitment to each other.

I’d try talking to him about it again. Maybe you could also bring up that this ring has been in three failed marriages and you don’t want the bad karma? I’d think it would be enough that you don’t like the stone but apparently not. 

Post # 12
Member
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I would tell him that you don’t want his auntie’s ring because she wore that ring for 3 marriages and they all ended up in divorces (trying to put superstitions in there :-)).  If he still insists to use that diamond, I wonder if you can have it recut (is it possibel?)?  I might turn out to be smaller than 1 ct but if you do the halo setting, it will still look big.

Post # 14
Member
2411 posts
Buzzing bee

 

My Darling Husband is the same way. He is really, really frugal but the result is that he is actually very wealthy from all of that saving! With guys like this, you can still get through to him by appealing to his line of thinking. He probably just needs time to warm up to the idea.

I don’t think you’re ungrateful at all, and I absolutely don’t think you should have to settle for this diamond. But since he’s being a little obstinate about it now, this would be a good time to pick your battles. You’ve been together for 12 years… just get him to the altar and get that part of business taken care of.

Accept the diamond for now, and have it placed into the setting of your dreams. Then when you look at your e-ring, you can focus on the gorgeous setting and try not to get upset about the center stone.

Rather than having a showdown about the diamond now, just accept it with a qualifier of some sort. Prepare him for the fact that this may come up again in the future. Bargain with him a little bit and say something like: “Hey sweetie, you know I’d really rather have a princess or radiant cut, but (ahem cough cough) let me give this one a try and see if I can warm up to it. Then if I still haven’t learned to love it after a year or so, maybe (batting eyelashes) eventually we could think about trading it in for something else?”  It doesn’t matter how he responds. He may grumble “OK” or he may say flat out no way. Ignore whatever he says. Just get the ball rolling, get the diamond into a pretty setting that makes your heart flutter, and come back to this later on — maybe a few months after you’re married, or when your one-year anniversary approaches.

If you give him a hint now, he can’t come back to you later and say “But I thought we agreed you were going to have this diamond…” blah blah blah.

Sorry you’re dealing with this! I think it will all work out OK if you give it time, and you’ll end up with a diamond you really love. Good luck!

 

 

Post # 15
Member
1359 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You know what, I wouldn’t even talk to him about it. I would just tell him no. “Sorry honey, I don’t like this stone, I’m not wearing it. We can pick out one together or I can do it. But I’m not wearing this one.”

Post # 16
Member
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

good idea @Andr0meda:  but you also don’t have to listen to that jeweler, just like a doctor, get second opinions or ask if they have a rectangular princess cut or a radiant that is equal the value for a trade, because its a lot harder to sell a not square princess with pointy edges than it is for a cut cornered radiant, and this way you’ll get the shape you want.  maybe not the size you were hoping for, but depending on how you mount it, you’ll at least be rid of the tainted failed relationship diamond.

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