(Closed) My own little vent

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Girl you have a right to vent!  It seems like she is taking your wedding and copying it into her own!  I hope that she isn’t planning a poor man’s version of your wedding.  Stay strong!

Post # 4
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Oh honey, I understand. My friend (who traffics in the same circles) decided to take pretty much every idea we had and use it–not for her wedding, but for her morning after brunch. I mean–everything, from the food truck service down to badminton and paddleball on the lawn. And MAB is for pretty much everyone invited to the wedding. It wasn’t enough she got her one day; she had to plan a SECOND one and steal my ideas.

Okay, sorry–this thread isn’t about me. Part of what’s going on is maybe that she’s insecure because she doesn’t have a lot of time to plan a wedding and is trying to piggyback on all your research. Perhaps the next time she asks for help, instead of showing her what you’ve got, share with her the benefits of some of her research–ie, instead of showing her your invites, try to get her to articulate what kind of invites SHE wants and convince her that her choices are superior.

If it’s too late for that, then I hate to say it, but you kind of have to suck it up. Just don’t tell her any more of your details and engage with your own wedding–renew some enthusiasm for it, make a few upgrades, and commit to not hearing about her wedding any more, at all. If it comes up, just leave the room. I’m so sorry this happened to you, but I’m sure your wedding will be awesome.

Post # 7
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I totally understand what your going through since I’m almost in the same boat as you. I thought I was the only one who wanted to get married in May since I love spring but my fiance’s cousin out of nowhere decides to get married 2 weeks after me. Um.. she told me she would plan her wedding during labor day 2011 so it wouldnt run into mines.  Now, when I get back from my honeymoon I need to attend her stupid wedding. I have to plan my bridal shower and Jack and Jill before her because it’ turning to a competition. Were also using the same church but not the same venue thank god! I know I get one day not the whole entire month but WTF!.  I been engaged since July 09 and finally decided to get married in May so couldn’t i have my moment! Anytime her mothers askes me how’s wedding planning going I just want to say get the F away from me.  Her mother to trying to get hints and etc. I waited so long to get married and the date we set was the closet to our dating anniversary.  I have another cousin who’s getting married in 2011 but asked what exact month I’m getting married since she gave me common courteousy of not running into my month.  Some people are redic I tell you and thank for you letting me rant.

Post # 9
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

If you are concerned with the reception details and “look” of your wedding, remember these things:

a) expense does not guarantee taste

b) design-wise, weddings are about impact, not cost

c) the people make a far greater difference than any of the details

It’s very easy to get caught up with the automatic “x is better than y because x costs more” with weddings. You can still make a wedding amazing, even on a shoestring. Case in point: your dress may cost less, but nothing trumps the right dress on the right girl, I don’t care how much you spend–if your dress fits your body and personality like nothing else, it could be dirt-cheap and still look like a million bucks. I know you said you thought a lot about all the details of your wedding already, but if she keeps stealing, it might be fun (NOT stressful–if it stresses you out forget it) to revisit some of them and think, “how can I make this even MORE ‘us’?” Maybe you’ll come up with even better ideas/alterations.

And if it makes you feel any better, I think chair covers are dumb–they remind me of condoms–and I have never, ever, remembered the quality of the linens on the table (or even what color they were).

Post # 10
395 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

You have every right to vent! I also had a friend who almost stole just about every idea I had and it was infuriating! Thankfully though I managed to convince her to go another route with her wedding. 🙂 Weddings take alot of time and detailed planning and there is nothing more infuriating than someone stealing your hard-earned plans our from under you

Post # 12
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

good lord, why don’t you say something to her directly about it?  if my dad was pulling this i would have told him LONG ago to stop asking me and that it’s pissing me off that this chick is basically stealing all my ideas.  but i have no issues telling people when i’m not happy with them lol… and that’s my advice to you.  also, STOP answering his questions!  next time he calls say “no dad!  no more, i put alot of work into this and here she comes stealing it all!”  i can’t believe you gave them all the wording on your invites i woulda been like, uh no way.  google it and come up with wording yourselves.  i feel you hun, i was pretty secretive with my wedding ideas for a long time because i didn’t want others to steal them.  i basically planned our wedding in my head for a few years before we even got engaged lol, and we had tons of friends get married during that time so i kept those ideas to myself!  so anyway, my advice is, SAY something about it.  

Post # 13
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Stop telling your dad about what you guys are doing. she needs to do things on her own, and not copy you because she wants to throw her wedding together in a couple months.  Or tell the girl she needs to find her own ideas, and stop getting your dad to be her middle man

Post # 14
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Oh my gosh! I can see how you’re annoyed! Well, I guess in some ways feel flattered that they like your style/vision? I totally agree that you would want the most relaxing October possible, but now you’re getting pulled into stuff. I’m going to throw it out there that if you’re feeling super overwhelmed/stressed/fatigued, skip HER shower and don’t feel bad about it. You could always be “sick” that day. You don’t want to miss the wedding, but it won’t be the end of the world if you miss her shower. 

We have friends that got engaged about six months after us and they’ll be getting married BEFORE us. For some reason this doesn’t bother me, but it bothers by fiance A LOT! And, when they then started asking about caterer, venue, etc. he got REALLY upset. 

Sometimes it feels like “Hey…get your own wedding! This one is our’s/mine!”

Post # 15
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Thats awful – so sorry you’re going through this.  I would tell your dad sometimes totally untrue and tacky the next time and see if she copies it!!!

Chin up, some people just have no class 🙁  Just tell your dad you’re keeping some surprises for your wedding and don’t want to ruin it for everyone x

Post # 16
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m so sorry to hear your going through that!  Its one of the most important days of your life and she has kind of hijacked it. 

Seems to me like its time to start playing your cards a little closer to the vest, if you don’t want any more of your ideas stolen  borrowed.

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