(Closed) My Pagan Wedding and My Catholic Grandmother

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1026 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Im not sure why the baptism thing makes a difference? Is he having a non-religious ceremony? I think traditional people get a lot more freaked out by pagan ceremonies than any other type of ceremony because of a lot of missinformation. 

I would talk to her about it more. Maybe give her an outline of what will happen and explain the significance. Maybe even include some small catholic jestures?

I am also pagan and my partner is christian so Im nervous about what his family would think. I want to do a ceremony that incorporates both. 

Post # 5
262 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

This is extremely hurtful to you. It shouldn’t matter if she shares your faith or accepts it- this is your WEDDING and she is making the choice not to support you and your union because you believe differently than her. I would talk to again about your feelings, but ultimately, if she chooses not to be there for your ceremony (the important part) I would let her know that she is not welcome for the reception.

Post # 6
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I think its kind of unfair of your grandmother to not come because you were baptized considering in the catholic church that is a sacrament you recieve as a baby so what choice do you have in it really? you didn’t and like you said you didn’t continue on with the sacraments so its not like you were making promises you didn’t intend to keep.

I would sit down and talk to your grandmother about it – not about religion but about how important it is for you to have her there on your wedding day. It sounds like yall are decently close. I would try and have a little heart to heart without bringing up religion.

Post # 7
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I wouldn’t let what your brother say impact how you feel about your Grandma coming. you knew from the begining she wouldn’t come to the ceremony and had made peace with it.

Post # 8
981 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Do you think that your grandmother, at whatever age she is, is going to change her mindset based on what you say to her? My guess is probably not. I would think maybe a priest would be able to convince her that it is OK, but even then she may not bend. (And adding a reading from the Bible wouldn’t make it Catholic enough for her, trust me, there are plenty of people on these boards who will tell you about family freaking out about them getting married in a Protestant Church because it isn’t Catholic.)

I think that her logic is that since you were baptized, you ARE a Catholic (okay, so you were a baby when you were baptized and didn’t complete your sacraments, but you were baptized so you are in). Your brother is not. So YOU are sinning by not having a Catholic marriage, and you and your hubby will be “shacking up” in the eyes on the church, while your brother is just a non-Catholic getting married outside of the church as non-Catholics do. I’m not sure that this actually falls in step with the church’s teachings 100% but I think that might be the reasoning for her choices.

Post # 9
4337 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I know you don’t think explaining will help, but if you decide to give it try, this might be useful:

“Every validly baptized person belongs to the Catholic Church no matter how unaware the person may be of belonging to the Mystical Body of Christ, which is the Church militant here on earth. However, we distinguish between belonging to the Church and being a member of the Church founded by Jesus Christ. To be an actual member of the Catholic Church, the baptized person must also be ready to profess what the Catholic Church teaches, and accept her laws and obligations with an open heart.”



So according to her belief system, you aren’t a member of the Catholic church… baptism alone isn’t enough. (Granted, I was raised Catholic and never heard this, but it might work.)

Post # 10
1599 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I can see why you’re upset.

I don’t understand this part of the Catholic church, which is a big part of why I am no longer a practicing Catholic.

If your grandmother (or anyone else) is Catholic and has certain views/opinions based on that religion, that’s fine. If that’s the way they want to live their life, fine.

But WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY (sorry) do they have to hurt and exclude other people who don’t share their views?

The only advice I can give you is to sit down and have this conversation with her lovingly and patiently. Tell her how much you love her and how much it would mean for her to be there. Or maybe write her a letter if you don’t feel up to doing it face to face.

If she still claims she can’t attend your ceremony, try and accept it as just a part of her and her beliefs, even if it hurts you. Try to accept all of her even though she’s not accepting parts of you. 

Good luck and I hope you can find some relief with this situation. 

Post # 14
967 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’m sorry you are going through this….

I was lucky that my grandmother was very liberal and supported me in every way…unfortunately, she passed away a few years ago and won’t be attending my wedding….

I really hope you work this out…..it might be something your grandmother regrets, and she does not have long (age wise) to deal and change those regrets

Post # 15
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

@shadowblind:  Very glad to hear that your grandmother is attending! (and that you found an open-minded priest to talk to!)

Have you considered having wedding programs? This may be a (kinda sneaky but I like it!)  way to educate her about your beliefs. One of the last weddings I went to was the first full Jewish wedding I attended, and the bride (one of my MOHs) did a fantastic job explaining different parts of the ceremony (like the ketubah, the veil, breaking the glass, etc.) I’m going to assume that there are parts of a pagan ceremony that would be new to your guests?

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