(Closed) My parents are selling their house :(

posted 6 years ago in Home
Post # 3
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee

I understand your feelings.  When we sold my mother’s home after she died, my sister and I said a toast in every room of the house to say goodbye, and it was hard.  I hope you will carry many wonderful memories in your heart.  Best wishes.

Post # 5
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee

I don’t think that’s a bad thing at all.  Wink  When I drive by the house now, I’m okay with it.  But, I will admit, it took about two years for me to be comfortable with that.  The best thing is that the new owners are taking good care of the house.  Hang in there, I’m sure all your good memories will carry you through.  I’d have your mom take pictures of every room and the front and backyard, if possible.  I wish I had done that.

Post # 7
Member
7902 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

I don’t really understand this attachment. Your home is built of family; the house is just a set of walls. I guess it might be harder for you because you are still quite young, but it will help to stop associating the house with your parents’ marriage and to realize that it’s just a building.

Post # 8
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

yes, but PP mentioned her parents are getting divorced and selling the house.  It is prolly harder because it feel like both are getting broken up.

i’m sorry asscherlover.  I know it is a huge shock and it is very sad when your childhood home gets sold.  maybe you could consider flying out just you to help your mom pack things up.  I know it is better to bring the dogs and your Fiance, but if the cost is too much it may be easier to swing it.  That way you could help say goodbye.

My mom and I flew out to help my friend and her family sell the childhood home.  it felt a lot like my home because I had spent so many summers there.  Take pictures, and you can always wander through in your mind.  Sometimes i do that in my head with my grandmother’s apartment and my friend’s home.  these place may be gone physically and it makes me sad, but it comforts me to revisit them in my memory. 

Post # 10
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee

I would want to fly home and spend time with my family in such a situation. You mentioned 3 of the 4 kids have moved out, maybe you could all go home for a weekend and spend the night in your childhood bedrooms. Then you could pack up your stuff, do the toast a PP mentioned and generally make a happy memory. It sounds like you coudl use a happy weekend with family.

Post # 11
Member
224 posts
Helper bee

My parents moved out of our family home after 21 years. They moved in a month before I was born, and moved out a month before I turned 21.

When they first told us they were moving, I was really angry. I loved that house and I never wanted them to leave. I thought it would mean losing an attachment to a place that was full of memories and it was really tough.

Fast forward almost 5 years. My parents have been at their new home for a very long time now. I spent 2 months there before I moved on to university, and once I left uni I moved 300 miles away to move in with my boyfriend.

Honestly, looking back, I’ve found it a blessing in disguise. Their house is exactly that – my parents house – not ‘home’. I love thier new house, don’t get me wrong, but it was never home to me, and I honestly believe that helped me cope emotionally when I moved away. I wasn’t leaving ‘home’ – I was leaving my parents place. And when I go back to visit, I don’t long to be back there because it isn’t home. Home is the place I share with my SO and it’s a wonderful thing.

The same thing happened to my SO and he felt the exact same way as I do, so I’m hoping it’s not just my reaction! And I really hope you eventually feel the same way, too!

 

Post # 12
Member
2494 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I just wanted to post so I could follow advice. My parents are soon going to sell my childhood home and my FI`s mom is doing the same. We will need it!

Post # 13
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@asscherlover: I am going through the same thing right now, minus the divorce, so I totally get your sadness! I was actually going to start a very similar thread last night. 🙂

My parents are in the process of getting theirs fixed up to put it on the market, and are actively looking for something new.  We moved into that house on my 4th birthday and I absolutely LOVE it. Its the perfect size, layout, needs some modernizing but it has so much character. On top of that, it is in probably the best neighbourhood in their city, close to great schools including the one I went to with a very good French Immersion program (important to me). I so very badly want to buy it from them – it is very difficult to get into this neighbourhood unless you know someone personally or have it handed down from family. I know they would sell it to us for less than what it is worth, but that amount is still high for us (since Darling Husband commutes an hour to work right now so we live 20 mins closer to the highway), we JUST bought our first home last July, and I feel awful essentially taking money from their retirement.

Decisions, decision. I can totally commiserate!

Post # 14
Member
7902 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

@asscherlover:  I understand why you feel so attached; I mean, I grew up in my mother’s house also. I just don’t personally feel that a house should be the marker of those attachments. It’s the people that matter. Your sister’s first steps matter, not where they happened. My childhood home burned down last April. I was not sad about losing the house per se, but rather about the fact that my mother and brother could have died and that they were without a home. Almost a year later and they are still in a rental and our house is only so far along in rebuilding that there is a roof, but you know what… not a big deal. Christmas was still Christmas, even without a Christmas tree, even though we didn’t serve our mom the traditional Christmas breakfast at our dining room table with our family china. It was still Christmas because I was with my mom and my two brothers and later that day my father. So since you said you are seeking advice, my advice is to focus on your relationship to each of your parents and to let go of your ties to some concrete and wood.

Post # 15
Member
5762 posts
Bee Keeper

I think it will just take some time to let it go and move on. How long that will take is anybody’s guess, so for now, try and think of all the happy times you spent there and try and anticipate all the good times yet to come~with your new lfe and husband, and making your own memories.

My daughter felt pretty much the same as you did when we sold our house when she was 14. As soon as she could drive, that was the first little trip she took, just to sit outside and look at our old house. It made her cry for a few minutes (and I felt terrible about that), but it also made her see that she still had all her great memories in her heart, and it really was ‘just a house’. She was even surprised at how many things she’d forgotten about it, and it helped her move on.

You are getting a double whammy, and I hope you can make peace with your feelings.

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