Post # 1
It’s already hard enough that my parents aren’t coming to my wedding (because they don’t agree with interfaith marriages), I do NOT want to draw attention to it anymore than it has been, especially the day of. I told my fiance I didn’t want him to have a mother/son dance because I felt it’d be weird and way too noticeable that I wasn’t having a dance of my own. He said his mother would be “heart broken” so I let it go. I want to bring it up again though, I just feel like if it’s my day, why have something that I know will make me feel uncomfortable and upset? Although I could argue the same for him… what do you guys think? obviously people will all notice at some point that my parents aren’t there if they didn’t already know it from before, but it still just feels so awkward for him to have a dance and not me. Big side note: they gave his brother a $10,000 wedding gift, and are doing the same for us. We’re using that money to pay for the wedding since obviously my parents arent, so in essence, they are the ones paying for the wedding although that was not the intention of the gift. Does that obligate me even more?! ughh I keep going back and forth between aggravation and feeling selfish.
Post # 3
It sucks about your parents, but a good way to enter into his family is not to take this moment away from his mom.
Post # 4
I just feel like if it’s my day,…..
its his day too and i feel you shouldnt deny him this
Post # 5
just an idea, but maybe you could dance with his dad?
Post # 6
Oooh that is such a good idea! I love it!
Post # 7
Yes do that that would be really sweet! ..dancing with his dad that is! and Also make sure to not upset his parents as after all they are supporting you and sounds like they will be with you in life. 🙂
Post # 8
@AlmostMrsWest: I feel for you. That is rough and I may have a similar problem cooking up with regard to the interfaith marriage and who will attend, etc. But I agree with the prevailing sentiments here. If you can’t dance with his dad, dance with another father figure from his family. Everyone will love it and you will probably will too. His family obviously very much loves you already. They in essence become your new family. Enjoy them.
Post # 9
I agree with PP. It is a good idea to enter his family by being gracious about this. Maybe you could pick another person in your life that had a significant meaning to you. Maybe a brother or cousin? Or even a best friend who has always been there for you.
Post # 10
Well the verdict is in, the mother/son dance will go on as planned! Thanks everybody. And that’s a really good idea about his dad, I know it definitely would score major major points with his family! but I also worry that I’ll feel really shy doing it lol just because I’m not sure if that would still draw attention to the fact that he has 30 family members in attendance and I have…1 (my brother) lol. Either way I’ll let him do it because like you guys said they are the supportive ones between the two families.
Post # 11
@Mrs.Lonestar: 100% agree with the idea of Dancing with his Dad…
I’ve been to 100s of Weddings in my lifetime (I’m over 50) and all over North America… have seen lots of local customs / traditions.
Definitely seen it where the Dances start off… Bride & Groom, Bride with Dad, then they are joined by Groom and MOB, then the Grooms Parents join up… Bride Dances with FOG, Groom with his Mom… meanwhile MOB & FOB are dancing together too… and then lastly, everyone else is free to join the Dance Floor (MC announces when)
Can really get the party started.
Sure, lets face it YOU are going to miss your Parents, and some Guests are going to notice their absense.
BUT you are doing the right thing by realizing that this is a joining of two lives (YOURS and HIS) and two families (YOURS and HIS) even if your Parents aren’t thrilled with the idea
Dancing with his Parents will be a special moment for both you and your Groom… and I’m sure they’ll be honoured to do so… really can serve as the first moment that you are “officially” welcomed into the family
I say GO FOR IT !!
Post # 12
My dad left before I was born and I’ve never known him, but I knew it was really important to my Mother-In-Law to dance with my Darling Husband, so I scheduled it in. Honestly, I was also worried about it drawing attention to the fact that I didn’t have a dad there, but it really wasn’t a big deal at all, in the end. Our DJ did it so that about 2/3 of the way through their song (it was kind of a long song!), he invited all couples to come up, and my Maid/Matron of Honor grabbed my hand and danced with me. It was really fun/goofy and everyone was happy.
I wouldn’t stress about it too much!
Post # 13
@AlmostMrsWest: Or maybe you can dance with your brother?
Post # 14
It wouldn’t be the same but what if you danced with his dad?
Post # 15
I’m sorry to hear your parents will not be there, it truly is heartbreaking. But this isn’t YOUR day, it’s both of your day, as a couple. It’s his day as much as it is yours. Just because they don’t get all giddy from decorations or dresses doesn’t mean it’s any less important to him, and perhaps this would mean a lot to him.
My father was never in my life, as an alternative to the father daughter dance, I’m having my uncle who helped in raising me walk me down the isle and for the father daughter dance, perhaps an alternative such as this would be a good idea, another close male figure that WILL be at your wedding, so you don’t feel so alone.
When I told my fiance I didn’t want “here comes the bride” to play when I walked down the isle, he was pretty shocked and dare I say heart broken. Some things really are important to them even if we think they wouldn’t care. I do NOT want the here comes the bride song, I think it’s way too attention getting and will probably make me tear up from a tad bit of embarrassment with everyone watching me, but I will do it for him. Marriages are about compromise, no better place to start than here
Post # 16
Sorry your parents wont be there, but I’m glad to hear the dance is on for him and his mom. I think one sucky situation shouldnt lead to another.