(Closed) My parents aren’t coming to my wedding. : (

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

oh i’m so sorry! without knowing the full story (unless your siblings did something really awful and unforgiveable), it sounds like your parents are being pretty childish. try talking to them…it’s their daughter’s wedding! how could they not attend??

Post # 4
Member
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

eeek…i kinda want to know a backstory but im scared – every family is different but this just sounds strange to me?  i wish i had some advice – no one is willing to put aside their differences for a few hours, one day? IMO, not too much to ask of family.

Post # 5
Member
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

oh no! i hate when stuff like this happens… i agree with @kitzy how could they not attend YOUR wedding because someone ELSE is going to be there? 🙁 

Post # 6
Member
3942 posts
Honey bee

That actually sounds like something my mom would try to do. She is very spiteful and as much as I love her, she sometimes doesn’t care who she hurts.

I truely hope everything works out for you.

Post # 7
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Clearly there is more to the story, because usualy parents wouldnt be avoiding one child’s wedding just cause some of their other children were attending. Its definitely a difficult situation but without knowing the whole story its impossible for me to give any advice because i dont know the reason why they dont talk to each other and how you fit into that.

Post # 9
Member
1890 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

It’s always a shame when grown adults act so immature.  Some of my FI’s family have already been telling everyone they won’t be at our wedding, just because of stupid family drama that has nothing to do with us.  I think you should tell your parents how important it is to you that they be there on the biggest day of your life.  If they can’t see that and they let personal issues with their other kids ruin their chance to see you get married, then I hope you can try to forgive them for their behavior and enjoy your wedding with the people that DO want to be there.

Post # 10
Member
2321 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

It isn’t crazy. It all just depends on the circumstances that led to the demise of everyone else’s relationship with each other in your family, and to what extent they were all hurt emotionally.

Post # 11
Member
6351 posts
Bee Keeper

Awww I’m so sorry. That sucks. Hopefully your parents will come around? I couldn’t imagine missing my own daughter’s wedding.

Post # 12
Member
2829 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

That sucks 🙁

It’s really unfortunate that they aren’t willing to put the past behind them to celebrate your future.

Post # 13
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

So they are going to punish you (and ultimately themselves) because you’re the peacemaker/person who can wade through the BS in the family?

I am so sorry you have to deal with this. Do your siblings feel the same way, or is this a one-sided resentment?

Post # 14
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I don’t think there is much you can do in this situation but stick to your guns and hope they understand that this wedding is about you and your husband and not about a family fued.  Explain to them that you are going to be hurt and upset if they do not come, but ultimately the decision is up to them.  Maybe you can offer to seat them all at different ends of the room, etc to make everyone more comfortable. 

Post # 16
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.  I’ve never been in a situation like this with my family, but I have had to have a lot of tough conversations with family members and with people at work (I’m in HR) and I’ve picked up some things that might help.

– try to ask questions.  “If you decide not to come to the wedding, what are you hoping I will do/the outcome will be?” Try and find out what your parents want from this…do they want you to dis-invite your siblings? Do they want you to have a different type of wedding?  What are they trying to achieve?  Once you know this, you may be able to allay their fears (moving them around the room, a la cazos idea) or you may realise that they are being really REALLY irrational and it doesn’t matter what you do, which might make you feel better if they do decide to not attend

– Use lots of “I” statements and try to stick to facts.  Saying something like “I’m in a really difficult position here.  I feel like you are punishing me for inviting my siblings to my wedding.” 

-Realise that you haven’t done anything wrong here, Jess.  You invited your family to your wedding.  It was reasonable to assume that your parents would attend with their big people pants on.  All you can do here is be the bigger, better person.

-Finally, if you can’t get them to see all that they will be missing, you may have to bring out the “big guns”.  I’d say something like “Mom and Dad, I’m extremely hurt and disappointed that you have made the decision to not attend my wedding.  I will miss you, but you have to understand that I will be going forward with my plans to get married on April 15, 2011.  I am extremely hurt that you would make this decision.”  I would then refuse to talk to them about it again (if they are bashing your siblings etc) unless they want to talk about the fact that they have decided to attend.  

At that point, you should do your absolute best to have the best wedding day.  

I hope this helps a bit.  Stay strong!

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