Post # 17
im so sorry this is happening to you, i really never thought id have any trouble until the day we annouced we were gettign married, the battles ive faced seems so silly for something like this where have they been hidding?
you did the right thing everyone should be invited, they are being imature, i am not inviting the FMIL’s sister bc she dosent talk to her, and im not happy about this. i gave the decision to fiance and then asked him to talk to his nana and we are all doing this for Future Mother-In-Law which i dont even know why they dont talk, geeze i was in trouble bc i dont like my Future Sister-In-Law but shes still invited lol
you need to sit down and talk with them, they will really regret this decision
Post # 18
I’m so sorry you are going through this! I already took 2 relatives off my guestlist because of my mother’s threats to not come.
Post # 19
That is horrible for them not to attend because of your brothers wife or sisters boyfriend! 100% childish. I’m not sure if my father is attending my wedding or not all because his new wife who hates my sister and i (the feeling is mutal) was not invited to my sisters baby shower! I hope your parents come around and attend your special day it would be silly for them not to. Why punish you?
Post # 20
I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. I kind of know where you are coming from because my sisters refused to come because our parents will be there. My best advice would be just to move on with your plans and focus on the positivity rather than the negativity; that’s the only thing you can do.
Post # 21
It may be a bluff. They may be trying to force you to uninvite your silbing, but if you don’t, they may come anyway. It may be ploy to control you more than an intent to not come. Hang in there!
Post # 22
I was wondering if this is also a bluff-or that your parents are trying to control who you invite to your wedding. Is this possible?
Post # 23
I think the obvious answer is that you invite the people you want to your wedding. If they choose not to be there that is their perogative. You can not allow their pettiness to dictate your day. Everyone you love and who loves you should be invited and the chips fall where they may.
Post # 24
I am so sorry you are going through this. I have had off and on moments like this myself. My father did not go to my brother’s wedding and I am terrified I will end up the day of the wedding praying that he shows. My mom is actually the one now causing trouble (they are divorced and remarried) and I think I may just have to stop talking to her to prevent conflict from escalating.
What helped me when I started crying at the thought of my father not being there to walk me down the aisle was set up a plan. I called my brother and asked if he would not mind being there for me in the chance that my father could not. It made me feel much better knowing I would have someone with me and not feel stranded so to say.
Post # 25
I really like Arwen’s ideas. If you could find out more info, find out if there’s something more and how about some compromises? I’ve heard of much worse issues in which family’s were able to overcome than disliking someone’s SO. Regardless of their decision, your choice to invite everyone that you want is fair and you should enjoy.
Post # 26
My Grandma and aunt (the only other family I know!) aren’t coming because I invited my sisters partner. They are fine with the gay thing, they are pissy because of some family drama crap that doesn’t involve me in any way. They don’t like her past or something.
I can’t imagine if it were my own parents not coming over something like that.
I am so sorry, and no, you are not wrong for inviting your siblings. My sister and I have only met a few times and I invited her anyway.
Post # 27
- Wedding: April 2011 - in the woods
Thank you so much for your sweet, encouraging words! I have sent them an invitation, but have come to realize that this is ultimately their decision. I can’t feel guilty about my parents not coming. Instead, I’m thinking about all of my dear friends who are going to be there and how amazing it will be to share the day with them. : )
Post # 28
@Jess – I’m dealing with a similar situation and actually came to this board to find kindred brides with the same problem! BIG HUGS being sent your way!!! It’s a sad and frustrating situation, but comforting to know we aren’t alone. <3
My mother doesn’t want to attend our wedding because my gramma and uncle will be there, and SHE has the audacity of playing the tortured martyr in it all. UGH. Meanwhile, my brother wants to invite my father who I have not spoken to in 3 years (by my own choice – he’s a bad man). It’s just baffeling to me that family can be so disrespectful about day where all the etiquette is already laid out for them. Grr.. Honestly people, just show up and get over yourselves, because this day has nothing to do with you! haha.. At least our future hub’s will love and support us and become a new family to grow with 🙂
Post # 29
I agree, this is really sad. I know it sounds hirrible, but is there any way to invite your siblings but not their significant others? Kinda as a compromise? Otherwise I agree that you may just have to go on with the wedding knowing that the people who are there, love and support you through everything. Maybe remind your parents that love is unconditional.
Post # 30
- Wedding: April 2011 - in the woods
Oh, @Sukiapple, thanks so much for posting. I feel exactly the same way. You totally nailed what’s going on in my family with the whole “tortured martyr” description, and I love, love, love the last three sentences. Totally right.
Yay for us starting our new family with a man who loves and supports us! I’m so excited for that day…and to get the family wedding drama behind me!
Best wishes and big hugs to you, friend!
Post # 31
Tell them you love and respect them, that family is very important to you and you want to share your special day with family. At the end of the day family is the most important thing and should forgive anything.
Ask them to put family feuds aside for one day, ask them if they want to tell their future grandchildren that they refused to attend the wedding b/c of their other kids. Remind them that you are blood and blood is thicker than water. Your sister could break up with her bf and your brother could get divorced BUT you, your parents and siblings will always be family.
We don’t pick our family, we don’t always like them but we always love them. Ask them if they can live with themselves knowing how hurt you’ll be, let them know your siblings are fine with them being their b/c it is YOUR day and they are there for you and finally ask if they considered how they’ll feel years from now. Are they going to miss holidays, their grandkids’ b-days and baptisms all b/c your siblings will be there??
Be calm and loving, convey to them the ramifications of not going to special events b/c they did not get to chose who to invite and not invite.
They need to remember you have 1 family and you have 1 set of parents. Once this blows over (once they attend the wedding and you get back from your honeymoon) have a private talk with your parents, find out specifically what they do not like about your SIL. This situation is heart breaking and toxic, it must be fixed.
Best of luck be strong