Post # 1
I am originally from Switzerland and my fiancé is from California. His family has been amazing to me and welcomed me from the beginning. Most of his family members take a lot of interest in me and always phone and email. My family, on the other hand, doesn’t really take an interest in my life. They never ask to see any pictures of the USA, they never ask about my fiancé’s family and they never ask anything about my life in general. When I told my parents that I was getting married, their response was: “We don’t care what you do.”
We want to get married in April next year. I am not into big weddings, so I just want to have a small wedding on the beach. My parents made it clear that they won’t fly to California “just” for my wedding and they made it clear that they won’t travel at all because they don’t speak any English. My fiancé is thinking of getting married in Switzerland now but I don’t see the point. Why do all our friends and his family have to come over to Switzerland because of three people (my sister is close to my mom so she always does what my mom does) who are not even remotely interested in my wedding?
And I know from past experiences that my mom has never been interested in any events in my life. If she attends, she tries to spoil the occasion. I don’t want that on my wedding day. I just want to have a nice day with people who enjoy it too. I tried to explain that to my fiancé but he is all about keeping the peace.
My suggestion ist to get married in the USA they way we want it with our friends and his family and go to Switzerland afterwards and have nice dinner with my family. But I am also afraid of his family asking about my family. His family is really close so they don’t understand why I’d rather spend time with them than with my family. Has anyone been in a similar situation?
Post # 2
I’d say my mom doesn’t take much of an interest in my life. Sort of a hands off mother while I was growing up, too. I think you have the right plan. Get married here, in the US, and maaaaybe go there and have a nice dinner. Though with the comment of “we don’t care what you do”, I honestly don’t know that I’d bother. Can you just let his family know that unfortunately you are not as close to your own family as you’d like to be? I’m all for being up front. They sound like decent people that you have a good relationship with.
Post # 3
I haven’t, but I’m sending sympathy to you! It sounds like you’ve got a really good approach in mind! Surely your fiancé can understand that you’re not close with your family, and he can help his own family understand as necessary. If not, just politely lie: “Oh, it’s different in [Europe/Switzerland/birth city/particular neighborhood]!” Culture is a perfect excuse, because no one can disagree with you!
Post # 4
Your fiance’s family sounds great, and if you’re comfortable with it I would just tell theM the truth. Your family said that they didn’t care, and you only want people there who want to celebrate with you. If you’re not comfortable telling them, I think silkybutterbee
‘s suggestion about the culture excuse would work, I would believe it if someone told me that. Good luck! And I’m sorry that your family is acting this way, and glad that your new family sounds so nice!
Post # 5
Agreed with everyone above. Congrats on finding such a great man and new family, and sorry your family sucks. I’ve always believed that family us what you make it. I agree with you that if they don’t want to come, don’t try to force them or make it inconvenient for your caring guests just because they have the “family” title. Not worth it and will only cause stress and drama.
Post # 6
Thank you for all your encouraging comments. My fiancé is great and so is his family. It’s the family I have always wanted… I might use the culture excuse but I will be completely honest with my fiancé.
I really don’t want any stress and drama (those are things my mom loves and creates).
Post # 7
just tell his family they can’t/don’t travel and stick to your plans… This is YOUR day and the people that want to be there for you, will be there. You should do what makes you and your Fiance happy and don’t worry about those trying to rain on your parade.