(Closed) My parents have gone to far this time please help me how can I get over the hurt

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
560 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Wow, that’s all a lot to take in. I’m sorry your parents were so hurtful, but maybe they were trying to look out for you? I mean, obviously they could have gone about it better and apparently they have the WORST timing, but I’m sure they weren’t trying to hurt you. I hope you and your SO are able to get past this somehow and have the wonderful engagement you deserve!

Post # 4
Member
2158 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m so sorry this has happened to you.  But on another note, congratulations on your upcoming engagement.

Post # 5
Member
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I would have told my parents where to go, when, and how fast. Whatever their intentions, that was completely WRONG of them, and they need to know that.

Post # 6
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I am so, so, so sorry this had to happen to you and to your SO. Your parents were very out of line. I can’t express to you how terribly sorry I am.

My advice would be to enjoy your engagement. The ring may not be a surprise, but a guy who plans out that he wants to ask your Dad in person and get the ring in secret has a beautiful proposal planned out for you.

I would also talk to your parents. Say that their words really hurt you and you want them to be aware of that but you want to forgive them and move on. That way you can all enjoy planning your wedding.

I’m so sorry this happened and I hope everything works out okay for you.

Post # 7
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

You know what they say, “the road to hell is paved with good intentions.” I’m sure your parents meant well but it just didn’t turn out that way. I hope that you and your love can find happiness in what you have had all along, title or not, he obviously plans on marrying you. Good luck with everything and don’t feel too bad. Try to put this all behind you and maybe someday you and your man will laugh about it years from now.

Post # 8
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You may not like my answer, but this is something where you need to put your foot down – you are being unfair to both yourself and your SO when you allow your parents to be so pushy and have you in tears, and you then follow that up by basically doing exactly what they did to you to your SO. I would of told my parents that when we engaged was between us and we had conversations about it but that it was a private matter, and if they could not respect that they were welcome to leave. It is absolutely appalling that they would push you to the point of tears and keep going, saying awful things about your boyfriend, and then you went and accused your SO of those same awful things and made him feel frantic and like crap when the poor guy had done nothing wrong.

So the first thing I think you need to do is apologize to your SO for the way you acted, and promise him that in the future you will not allow this to happen. Then you tell your parents that what they did was completely unacceptable and that they ruined what should of been a happy event, and when it comes to wedding planning and the rest of life in general, they need to respect you and your FI’s decisions and timelines. And if anything like this happens again, you leave (or tell them to leave if they’re at your house).

Post # 9
Member
316 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Wow. It sounds like they must think they have your best interests in mind by telling you these things, but were absolute bullies about it. At the end of the day, you know your relationship better than spectators, but I’m sure it’s hard to hear they don’t believe in your relationship or take your SO seriously. I’m sorry they made you feel so miserable! *hugs*

The upside is that you don’t have to wait as anxiously anymore, knowing that he has the ring! That’s exciting, right? And the surprise isn’t all gone, he still gets to plan a special way to ask you, and you still get to say yes! So make sure he doesn’t tell you anything more about his plans, and I think it’s still possible to have an amazing proposal. Let out your anger towards your parents in some constructive way, so that you can enjoy your moment whenever it does come =)

Post # 10
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@Wonderstruck: We need a Facebook “like” button ’cause this is perfect.

Post # 11
Member
840 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

aw wow, I completely understand. my parents are the SAME way. they’ve accused my SO of not caring about me, and when there was too much proof that he did, they would accuse HIS PARENTS of not caring about me. O___O I told them his mom would call me her ‘princess’ and take me out on fun trips, just the two of us, when SO was working, and my parents could only say she wasn’t wearing a formal enough attire when she first met them and this was proof she didn’t care about me. and when I told them his dad took time off work to take me to the doctor for something really minor, my parents accused his dad of wanting to make sure I was healthy enough to bear children, and didn’t really care about me at all. seriously?! they were able to twist everything into ugly ugly scenarios. and silly me, it got to me, even though I saw it was all so far-fetched from what I knew to be the truth.

but, after a couple episodes of taking it out on SO and then slowly sobering up with warm hugs and truth, I became confident enough to finally demand they stop telling me these things. to keep all this negative thinking to themselves, and let me live my own life. ‘mistakes’ and all. I now understand my parents were just being protective, overly so, but with no malicious intent. I was pretty angry at them too from all the drama that ensued, but it’s all good now. if they begin to even utter anything, I say nope, don’t wanna hear about it, your own relationship isn’t even perfect so just work on your own and let me do my stuff. I’m an adult now, and I’d appreciate your trust more than your judgement/unsolicited advice.

you definitely need to have a similar conversation with your parents. also, I agree with the apologizing to SO. I’m sure you already know that though!

Post # 13
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Ohh so sorry this happened to you! I have fairly demanding parents too, so I know it can be a bit full on at times. As others have suggested, I would apologise to your SO about how you reacted and that you ruined the surprise.

But as for your parents…. it is really going to depend on your relationship with them I guess. Have they called to apologise to you? I personally wouldn’t be rushing to mend fences with them, I would let them stew a bit! Ultimately though, they are just humans and at some stage you are all going to have to talk about how this episode got out of hand and that you just want to move on from it.

Good luck with the upcoming engagement!

Post # 14
Member
840 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@CupcakeLove: an apology from the parents would be the best, since it would mean they actually recognize their mistake and show remorse, but if her parents are anything like mine then it will probably never happen. ): I don’t even bother trying to make them see they’re wrong. just let them be, in their old set and stubborn ways, and ignore them when what they say doesn’t serve you.

Post # 16
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m sorry this happened 🙁 It must be upsetting to lose that special moment where your SO proposes, but the proposal doesn’t make the marriage. In a way it’s kind of nice that your proposal, however dramatic, sort of embodies your relationship with Fiance. You say your parents have been bullies your whole life, but when they bullied you he swooped in and was caring and sweet and picked you back up. That’s really a beautiful thing and you obviously have a great guy there, no matter what ridiculous things people have to say about him. I’d say take some time away from your parents to cool off, and don’t bother trying to talk to them about how they upset you because my guess is it would be pointless.

Congrats on your engagement!!!

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