- 6 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
Ok Bees this might be a long one..
But I really need some help here. So here is how it all started, my parents has come down to spend the weekend with the SO & I. Yes we live together. Well the SO had to go to work, and all was well I was cooking lunch for my family. My mom was in the kitchen, we were talking. Well maybe you know how these things go maybe you don’t but it turned into a discussion about why my SO hadn’t asked my Dad to marry me yet. I explained for the thousandth time that my SO had a vision of how he wanted it to be. He wanted to have the ring, and go to my Dad and ask in person.
1. my parents live 2 hours away
2. he doesnt have the ring
Well first of all this is a a real nerve you don’t want to strike with me right now, I am not emotionally able to speak a lot about the whole engagement thing with out getting upset. My parents should realize this, but it doesn’t matter to them. They kept digging at it till I was basically a sobbing puddle in my bedroom where they followed me and dug some more. I got it from my mom and my dad.
Here I have to pause and give some background info. My SO lost his job a little over a year ago, he has since gotten a job, but he was without work for over six months. But his expenses did not change, naturally cash got LOW. I agree that at this point in our relationship we should be engaged but when it comes right down to it I know why we are not, and my parents should too.
After explaining again to my parents my SO’s intentions and plans for asking my dad I was told that this was all so he could string me along. That he was only making excuses and he had no intentions of marrying me. “Why buy the cow when he can get the milk for free” my dad said. That we hadn’t been old fashioned about anything else, (all bc we live together) we shouldn’t want to be old fashioned about an engagement. They said not asking my dad bc he didnt have ring yet was all an excuse. Because if he really loved me he would have bought the ring entirely on a credit card. Or listen to this now keep in mind my SO has no family but a very elderly, sick, grandmother she raised him, they said he should have gotten his grandmother to buy my ring. Over and over, on and on this went on for hours them telling me how the love of my life is basically using me for sex and house work.
Then they just left, I was still in tears. I was all alone and devestated, I called my SO and told him what had happened. He got off the phone and tried to call my dad, no answer, my mom, no answer. He called me back trying to get my little sisters phone number (she was in the car with them as well and he knew she would answer) I answered still histerical. After hours of hearing he was only using me from my parents who where always right about all my other boyfriends and whose opinions of course matter very much to me…I began to take it out on him a little. I accused him that maybe it was true, was he ever going to commit to me? was he happy just being an unmarried couple but enjoying many of the perks of marriage. Mind you I’m sobbing so hard I can barely breathe. He finally told me….”Honey I already bought your ring, I wanted it to be a special a suprise as I could make it after how long you’ve had to wait. I tried to talk to your Dad last night when we went to pick up the pizza (we got pizzas last night) but he wouldn’t let me get a word in I guess I should have interupted him(plus I’m sure my SO was nervous anyway and wanting things to be perfect and interupting my dad hardly seems perfect) can I please get your sisters phone number. I’m really sorry I know I shouldn’t have told you, but I didn’t know what else to do. ( And I don’t blame him for telling me I would have done the same thing, if I was in a situation of defending my intentions to him.)
My sister answered, and from his cell phone at work, while my dad was driving home, he asked my dad. Hardly the picture he had in his mind, and he deserved to have the vision in his head, but my parents robbed him of that.
I’m heartbroken, my parents robbed me too, now I know it’s coming and I did want a suprise and my SO wanted to suprise me very much. They stole a very precious moment from us, and I am furious with them, and heartbroken. I can’t even feel excited, that it’s finally happening…. all I’ve done is cry from the dissapointment of how all this has happened.
Bees…what can I do my SO & I are both heartbroken….at a time when we should be full of happiness and excitment. ='[ Why did this have to happen? Why can’t people just keep their mouths shut about our waiting status when we’ve told them how much it hurts to keep bringing it up, let alone to say such hurtful things, and it was my own parents!!!!