- 6 years ago
Sorry to be so emotional today- I’m like this naturally plus I’m PMSing 😛 but you guys are awesome so here goes…
My parents got divorced when I was 15 and a few weeks later, the boy I lost my virginity to dumped me for a younger girl. My dad got remarried shortly after the divorce and my mom is still single 8 years later (had a few deadbeat boyfriends- one of them was in jail so maybe this was her fault lol). As a result, I’ve come to believe that my only purpose in life is being a good girlfriend/wife and having kids. I’m only 23 and terribly afraid of being single (I’m living with SO but not married yet)- I feel like all my single friends are totally doomed to be single forever. They go on all these shitty dates and none of them are close to getting married. I don’t know how anyone gets married if they don’t meet their SO in college.
Seeing how my dad bounced back after divorce, and how hard it was for my mom, makes me so afraid to be single. I feel like men have the upper hand naturally because more women want to get married than men, so no matter what kind of guy you are, you can get married to a great woman. But even if you’re a gorgeous intelligent woman, nobody will want you most likely, especially in urban areas (I live in a very liberal city).
I worry all day about various ways SO could leave me. Yes I know low confidence is unattractive but I don’t even know what I can do to improve it! I’m already in therapy but it costs so much (not covered by my insurance). Women keep telling me to be “confident” but how is that even possible when I *know* that being single would basically be the kiss of death for me? I hear I’m pretty and funny, but even if those things are true, it doesn’t seem like ANY men want to get married. I’d rather be with my SO and have him never propose, than start at square 1. (he says he will propose once we’re better off financially- but even then, I’d rather be with him than anyone else).
But I know I would be happier in my relationship, and I know SO would have more fun, if I didn’t see him as the be-all, end-all. I know he would enjoy me more if I had more independence and didn’t feel like my life revolved around him. Have any of you actually improved your confidence and gotten over something like this? ANY help is great!