Hello, Thank you all for your views on this matter… sorry this is a bit long but it is an explanation of some the issues my parents has had with my partner.
I am 38 years old and have been with my partner for about 5 Years. We have a 3 month old baby, we have a house and we both work (once I finish my maternity leave)
I was previously in an 8 year relationship which ended on a bad note, for the most part my ex did not really give me a reason for ending the relationship. My mom had voiced her anger saying that both of them felt hurt, disappointed and betrayed that my ex had ended the relationship??? Umm.. wasn’t I the one who got hurt? Wasn’t I the one who go betrayed? Even when I decided just to move on, she would continue to tell me that I should find out WHY, my mom would even get angry everytime we came across any of my ex’s items in the house.
Fast forward to my current partner, I did not actually tell her that I was seeing him until after we had been dating over a year or so. At the time, I was not sure if it would end up to be a serious relationship as it seemed he was shy of commitments. This was also one of the subjects that my mom got angry about, however I feel like I don’t need to inform her all the men I am dating! Surely, if the relationship was going somewhere that would be the right time to share it?
When I did inform her that I was in a relationship, sometime after that we had an arguement. She had told me that unless I knew 100% that he and I were going to live happily ever after, I shouldn’t be in a relationship with him or else things would end up like last relationship???? Well unless I had a crystal ball and can predict the future, how would I know? I just said that if this relationship didnt work that I would also just move on. She said I was wrong to think like that.
The thing with my mom is that everything she says is right and if she says something hurtful and makes me angry, she would never apologise to me and always makes me to turn out to be the bad daughter who hurts her feelings. She does this routine every single time she has an argument with my family.
I had just given birth recently, I had along labour and had a complicated birth. To be honest, I should have stayed longer in the hospital as I was in alot of pain from my stitches. My parents had come down to see the baby and I had asked them to help me tidy up and make some food as I did not get a chance before going into labour due to fatigue. I had not slept when I went into labour, I had not slept after giving birth due to my baby crying if I was not holding her and I was in alot of pain as my stitches was swollen… my parents helped me tidy up and then proceeded to sit me down and gave me a lecture about tidying up.
I was stuck in the house for 2 weeks, I couldn’t walk, I couldn’t sit, I coudn’t function when the pain killers wore off. In the end I had to be re-admitted back to the hospital for about a week because my stitches had come undone. The night I came home from the hospital, I get a text from my mom saying that she wanted to ask me a question about my partner? I had called her that morning saying that I would have to talk to her later in the day as we had an appointment for my baby and that I also had to get her stuff ready as my partner was going to take our baby to his mom’s house so that I could get some sleep. I really appreciated it and thought it was sweet of him but no I was wrong apparently. I got a call from my dad 5 minutes after phonecall with my mom telling me that I shouldn’t let my partner take his child to his mom’s and that I needed to be there to supervise them? If his mom wanted to see the baby, she should have come to our house instead. I wasn’t sending my baby to a complete stranger, she was going to be with her dad and when I return to work his mom will be looking after her grandchild. This ended up in another argument and the stress of it all took its toll on me. My partner and I decided to make up with my parents and let it go as my sister was coming to see her niece for the first time and it would have been unfair for her not having that chance.
Do I think my parents do not approve of my partner? I’m not a 100% sure? They would hug him when we meet, they bought him christmas presents, they made him a stash of food whilst I was away with them for Christmas. They were happy to finally have a grandchild.
To be honest, having a child together is a commitment enough on its own but I am happy that my partner is also willing to make it official. For me, it was more urgent to have a child first due to my age as we could always get married any time. Eventhough we are now engaged, we are not in a rush to prepare for a wedding, we would however like to save up for one so that when we are ready to get married we have the financial means to do so.
I had not intended to ask my parents for money towards the wedding, though any contributions they make would be much appreciated. My partner and I want a simple wedding, probably even having the ceremony at the registry office then having a party after with family and friends.
I want to marry the father of my child eventually, so I am truly confused why they would be acting like this?