(Closed) My parents offered us their house

posted 5 years ago in Home
  • poll: Would you and your SO buy your parent's house?
    Yes, in a heartbeat! : (78 votes)
    68 %
    No - we want to create our own home! : (25 votes)
    22 %
    Depends - Explained below : (11 votes)
    10 %
  • Post # 2
    133 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    It sounds like there are some psychological barriers to your parents’ house (“taking the easy way out,” “always pictured living somewhere else,” “won’t feel like our home”) but there are effort-related barriers to your current house, which also require some serious money for renovations. Plenty of people are passed down the family home; with your furniture, your rules, your family, and some time . . . it will definitely feel like “yours.” Nosy neighbors can be deterred with polite boundaries, but also might be a welcome relief – better to live next to people who automatically like you because they liked your parents than to live next to jerks. 

    I don’t mean to downplay your thoughts and feelings, but they seem like relatively flexible and controllable “cons,” as opposed to, say, a kitchn renovation and a list that goes on and on. There isn’t any shame in taking over the family house; plenty of people do exactly that. My young cousins are growing up in the house their grandparents built, and one of them will eventually inherit it. It’s such a cool legacy, and a beautiful gift (and a stroke of financial luck, assuming you can afford the property taxes, etc) your parents are offering you.

    ALSO, last thought: there’s nothing saying you *have* to stay in that house forever. Eventually it might make sense to move, but it seems like a great first step to me. 

    Post # 3
    8439 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    MrsBaldEagle:  Depending on how much further the commute is, I would say it could be a good opportunity.  A few things that would probably feel weird to me is sleeping in my parents’ room and the lack of privacy.  Would they be willing to give you this home as an investment property?

    Post # 4
    246 posts
    Helper bee

    Your parents are gifting this house to you free and clear?  Are they going to depend on you and Darling Husband for money in the future? Usually a paid off house is a nest egg for retirement.  Honestly if it is free and clear I would take the house that requires no work and is in ready condition for a family if you are thinking of starting one asap.  Children and renovating a house are very expensive.  If you are able to keep your cash rather than paying a mortgage I absolutely would.  What does your Darling Husband think?

    Post # 5
    14969 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    In a heartbeat.  No mortgage payment could truely be a life changer.  Imainge just how much more cash you’d have on hand to renovate, travel, pay for kids expenses, school, save for retirement, have more flexibility to change jobs with more in savings.  My gosh, it would be such a dream.

    Neighbors come and go, you could always go to other community events to meet young couples, the dynamic of the neighborhood can always change.  Lack of privacy may not be a bad thing if it means they are helping keep and eye out for safety and strangers.  It’s not like they’d be knocking on yoru door inviting them over for dinner, right?  How much further is the commute?

    Post # 6
    7418 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I would never do this. The history in the home would not be a problem for me, the commute might be a problem but then again, people don’t keep the same job forever any more these days, so that’s kind of a lower priority. What would be a problem would be the value of the home.  It would be great to live without a mortgage but not great to not actually have any ownership interest or equity building in the home, and if the parents decided to sign the title over to me one day, that would be likely to generate a massive tax bill.  Even if I saved up the money I’d be otherwise spending on a mortgage, I wouldn’t have the money to cover the tax bill on the gifted house.

    If I were in your shoes, I’d go talk to a CPA before doing anything else.  And if my parents never intended to give me the house, I’d go buy a house of my own, because I would want the chance to build equity over the years.  In some markets, the increase in equity/value in 10 years will be way more than the value of the mortgage payments.

    Post # 8
    7430 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2013

    In a heartbeat! That’s a great opportunity.

    Post # 9
    2066 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I think if I was in your position, I would probably love to live in the house I grew up in and would spend some money making it our own through renos/decor etc. BUT if selling it is an option and you can’t get over some of the barriers, I think that’s an amazing option and you’re super fortunate!!! Can you get your parents to talk to my parents, please? 🙂

    Post # 10
    3036 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast

    I personally wouldn’t in MY situation and MY parent’s home. (It is 35 miles from my job and requires a ton of upkeep – large yard, landscaping, etc. etc.) But it sounds like a great oppertunity for you. I think if you rennovate it to make it ‘yours’ – think of all the money you’ll be saving! If you rennovate and it still doesn’t feel ‘right’ then you can always consider selling. 

    Post # 12
    9595 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2015

    Hell yeah girl. Take the house! It sounds perfect and it’s so special that it will be a 2nd generation. Save all that money you’d spend on mortgage/rent and give it a facelift! New paint, furniture, maybe it needs a new kitchen? Landscaping?

    To be frank this is such an incredible opportunity that isn’t even close to a possibility for 99% of people- you would be a fool not to. 

    Post # 13
    7069 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    MrsBaldEagle:  I would do it in a heartbeat if it would mean being mortgage free. We would save roughly $28,00 *each year* not haing any sort of a rent/mortgage payment. That’s HUGE. With the money you’re saving you can make the changes to make it “yours” as you see fit. I personally see a room as a room – so I could care less if it had been my parents room. Every time I drive by my childhood home I wish that I had it. It’s huge, on a really large lot, in a great neighborhood, and perfect for raising a family. All that being said, if my parents wanted me to BUY their house, I’d say no. They are currently selling their house, and it’s listed for as much as we paid for ours and they’re about the same size. They have a few better amenities (pool, huge additional garage) but it wouldn’t really be an upgrade if we were still paying for it.

    Post # 14
    1603 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    In a heartbeat I would, yes.

    Post # 15
    1332 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    MrsBaldEagle:  This is tough 🙁  Yes, it would be awesome to be mortgage-free.  It would be awesome to have an opportunity to live in a home, a beautiful move-in ready home!!  However, your setbacks are legit, and definitely worth examining further (rather than bury them, and miss out on this opportunity!).  I think in order for you guys to be fully happy in the house your parents are literally giving you, then tough conversations on expectations and boundaries need to be had.  

    My fear is that even upon those conversations, some of your psychological ‘issues’ may still be present, thus hindering your overall happiness.  Then what is the plan?!

    For what it is worth, my Darling Husband would LOVE to PURCHASE – for a much lesser cost than what it would be worth – his father’s current home.  It is ready-to-go, a great area, with land, and beautiful.  The plan would be that when his father’s mom passes away, he would move into her smaller home, and we could ‘have’ his over-sized home, of which he no longer needs…for a cost, of course.  The same cost we would spend on a home we would buy, a home in our budget.  Great, awesome.  According to my Darling Husband…where do we sign?!  

    I have pretty STRONG reservations, and actually as of right now, my reservations are big enough that Darling Husband and I (if offered today) would not take the offer.  The house is a house, but it was never a good home for my Darling Husband or his brothers.  There are a lot of demons in his upbringing there, that he shares with me, but of which have not been addressed with this father (more so out of fear of his dad than anything else).  They were, abused – emotionally and physically.  It was better to bury than face, which is why he  has a functioning relationship with is dad.  When we are there for dinners, you can sense the ghosts that lie present amongst them all…that is a biggie for me, and Darling Husband acknowledges he is not ever sure he could have his own home there, but what a great house we would have.  I want ‘more’.  I want a home with our family!

    The second is that his dad works 2 miles from that house, and has no plans to retire.  The house he would move into is about 20 minutes away.  I can predict he will be obliged to stop in for a nap, or for a quick bite in the house he ‘cut us a break on’.  No thanks…

    Finally, the few things we would want to do, such as taking a wall down to make an area larger, we would have opinion after opinion from the man on why we should not, why it was fine that way for a reason, why we are potentially ruining HIS house.  

    For me, and for us (as my points are valid, and Darling Husband completely agrees), there is no telling his father ‘no’.  The kids still submit to him, again out of fear and unaddressed areas.  We can make all the promises to one another NOW, but when pushs comes to shove, that house will never be ours.  His father will never let it be ours, because he would dangle the ‘gift’ he gave us, albeit a gift we slightly paid for, and AND how he COULD HAVE sold it for a profit, blah blah blah.

    I am hoping, and assume your parents are not the same kind of people, but in sharing my story, I think I am trying to convey that sometimes the psychological issues do outweigh the physical ones, and so ensure you communicate them, and have a plan…

    Otherwise, it sounds wonderful 🙂

    The topic ‘My parents offered us their house’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors