(Closed) My Parents Refuse to Reveal a Number/Budget (Long)

posted 6 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
1846 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would just pay things and plan things that you can afford, if you get any more money from them BONUS, if not, you were planning on paying for yourselves anyways, so no big deal, right?

Post # 4
Member
8041 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@Coral99:  Awkward situation. I would send her a quick note saying “I am so grateful for what you have given us already. I hate to bring up finances again, but we really need to put a deposit on X, Y, Z, so we need to know where we stand ASAP”, or something to that effect.

That or go ahead and book stuff, and if they want to reimburse you, they can. Just let them know you’ve booked X, Y, Z. It sounds like possibly your mom wants to help but your step dad is dragging his feet a bit. I wouldn’t try to guess for what reason, though, it probably has nothing to do with you at all.

 

Post # 5
Member
8444 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Coral99:  My Fiance and I are paying for our wedding ourselves, so we just booked everything with our own money.  Later on when our moms said they wanted to help, they just sent whatever they could, but we didn’t wait for them.

Post # 6
Member
4439 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

Yikes, sounds like there may be a communication disconnect between your step dad and your mom.  

I would definitely just plan within YOUR budget and if they end up paying, wahoo!  Don’t ask again, that just sounds terrible awkward IMO.

Post # 7
Member
2598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Coral99:  I wouldn’t bring it up again and if I were you and just proceed as if they weren’t paying for anything.  Who knows?  Maybe they offered and then realized they couldn’t afford it.  Or maybe they initially wanted to contribute but changed their minds. 

Work within your own budget and if at some point, they write you a check, it will be a pleasant surprise. 

Post # 8
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I would simply send an e-mail and say that you thought you might’ve heard that they were planning to contribute, that there are some upcoming deposits to be made and that you want to be able to properly budget your funds and perhaps make some different choices if they’ll be helping out.  Explain that you’re not expecting anything, but that you just wanted to clarify with them for certain and thank them for even considering giving anything towards the wedding.

Post # 9
Member
1877 posts
Buzzing bee

@housebee:  That is what we are doing too.

@Coral99:  I think the best thing to do is to assume that you are paying for everyhing, so if they don’t come through on something, your day won’t be affected.  Expect nothing so if you do get it, then it will be a huge surprise/perk.  

Post # 11
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think it’s in situations like this that issues arise. I would try for one more sit down with your mom. Say Mom if you guys are paying we need concrete numbers so we know who much to budget and plan for with the vendors.

After that if she eludes/ ignores I would go with the original plan of paying for it yourself and if at some point they give you a check just be thankful for it. I say pay for what you know you guys can afford and cover without any help because they seem overly wishy washy about the whole thing.

Post # 13
Member
3229 posts
Sugar bee

I would just start planning for things myself. If she gives you money, just count that as a bonus but don’t expect it.

Post # 14
Member
14659 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Coral99:  Do we ignore them and plan based on what we can afford and consider any money they give as “extra”?

Yes.  That is exactly what we did.   Never spend someone elses money until you have it in your hand.  My mom offered to pay for the reception.  But aside from saying that, we never talked about it again.  She was pushing for more expensive place, while I was trying to plan a more budget wedding, so I didn’t worry about what she’d be willing to pay for.  But I didn’t want to ask cause it’s just awkward to me.  I went about it planning the wedding I wanted and would have been willing to and could pay for. 

Post # 15
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Just assume you’re paying for it yourselves. It sounds like there might be some disputes between your mom and step dad over paying, or that something changed in their financial situation. It sucks that she’s not just being straight with you, but some people are really uncomfortable talking about money.

Post # 16
Member
2638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

ignore them and plan based on what we can afford and consider any money they give as “extra”

Exactly.

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