My parents ruined my relationship.

posted 4 months ago in Relationships
Post # 62
Member
3232 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

hockeygirl715 :  that’s a thing called “gaslighting.” There was an old movie once where the main character was convinced she was crazy by her husband because she noticed their gas lights flickering (a sign that more gas lights are being turned on or off) and he said, “no, that didn’t happen,” and tried convincing her she was imagining it. Turns out he was hiding his old wife in the attic, locked up or something.

anyway. Gas lighting is when someone tries to convince you your perception of a situation is wrong. And, girl, he is doing this to you! YOU KNOW you have a normal, age appropriate relationship with your parents. Plenty of parents cosign for their 21 year olds. It’s your money and your car. He’s trying to control how you spend your money (all of it) so he can keep saving 3/4 of HIS money. How is this fair? “He makes more” and “doesn’t want his money paying your bills.”

but think about it. You should be able to save some money, too. In marriage, money is joint property – so if that’s where you are aiming why is he controlling like this? Why is it all your money has to be spent so he saves all his? This isn’t a guy who wants a partnership. 

Look. There are ways to make a huge gap in income work in a committed couple. For years while we were dating my hubby made literally twice what I made. We worked out what was fair for splitting bills so he paid 2/3 and I paid 1/3 and we split groceries down the middle. I paid everything for my car, he paid everything for his. I had money left over and so did he. Neither of us felt taken advantage of. We still work this way – split rent and bills based on income and groceries in the middle. We trade paying for dates. He has a lot more in savings than I do, so when we buy a house the money is coming from him to put in both our names. Same with the big furniture. 

 

Do do you see this guy wanting to pay for more because he makes more? I don’t. I see him wanting to live to his standard of living based on his income and bleeding you dry because it’s “fair”.

Post # 64
Member
3232 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

hockeygirl715 :  I also don’t see why everything is your fault… I think he’s manipulative, counting your money as if to spend it before his own, and threatened by your relationship with your family. See how’ve everything is your fault, and you can’t have an opinion other than his or you’re wrong? That isn’t a healthy, loving relationship. That’s him wanting a sex doll that comes with a paycheque.

Post # 65
Member
614 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: Embassy suites Hotel

hockeygirl715 :  sorry, but nobody can ruin your relationship…. you’re doing that on you’re own by adapting the same traits/behavior from your Mom. 

Once you admit that to yourself you can start making positive changes in your relationship. 

Post # 66
Member
2478 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

No your dick of a bf ruined your relationship not your parents. Time to move on

Post # 67
Member
3232 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

monkey89 :  I think it’s worth reading beyond the OP. I don’t think this is all on her.

Post # 69
Member
504 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

If you love yourself, don’t ever consider going back to that guy. He is cruel, manipulative, selfish, immature, and mean. Of all those things, you’re just immature. Therapy will work wonders for you to understand how deserving of real love (from a good man) you are.

Post # 71
Member
3232 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

hockeygirl715 :  of course he is. Because that friend knows you and knows the manipulation answer is bullshit and wouldn’t believe it.

he broke up with you because you’re too strong and sensible for him to control fully. Which is a good thing because he is BAD NEWS.

Post # 73
Member
190 posts
Blushing bee

Brielle :  100% agree. Furthermore, if you’re in your early 20s, this may not be your forever after relationship, but rather a learning experience from which you can learn and grow. I personally don’t believe in reassessing in 6 months… you might as well break up and begin working on yourself without holding out hope you two will rekindle.

Post # 74
Member
257 posts
Helper bee

He just keeps telling me that I need to go to therapy and that all he sees is my mom when he looks at me

Oooooh, them’s fighting words.   wink

Post # 75
Member
5309 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

hockeygirl715 :  Stop talking to this guy! Seriously OP you dodged a bullet. Cut off contact and move on with your life. 

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