(Closed) My parents think this is their wedding and I can’t take it anymore!

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Oh lady I feel your pain!!! My mother has been like this. Actually told me it is her wedding not mine. Parents want to show you off and get all the complements for a beautiful wedding. It’s very selfish but if they are paying they want something in return. I understand but make sure you are not unhappy at your wedding. I was very firm with all of my investors. Thank you sooo much for the money but in the end I get to say where it all goes. If I want cupcakes and a short dress then you can keep your money and I’ll pay for it. Make sure you are firm but loving. Parents can be very frustrating but they love you and want to make you happy no matter what. Just explain to them what you want and if they don’t like it pay for it yourself and don’t tell them. That’s what I have to do. Alot of the stuff I want to do I really have to keep a secret. Good Luck!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 6
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I totally understand!! I have two older sisters and they both complained to me about how their weddings were more a reflection of my mom…which is why their weddings were so similar! To try and prevent some of this in my wedding, I started planning very early. Although she hasn’t judged me on my wedding purchases so far…I’m scared of what may come! I hope you have the wedding of YOUR dreams!!

Post # 7
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Sorry it’s sucking! But, it’s too late to do too much at this point, so just try to ride it out and focus on the good things. At least you’ll be married, so consider this the last “party” they ever throw you!!!

Just 2.5 more weeks! hang in there, try to get some space if you can. When you do wedding stuff, try to do it where they can’t see. Just DO it, then be done.

Post # 8
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I sooo feel your pain!! I am getting married in 3.5 weeks and I’m miserable!! My wedding is my Mom’s dream wedding, and I can’t really complain b/c like you my parents are paying for 98% of it.  Basically nothing in the wedding really reflects my personality- I wanted a small beach wedding but my Mom insisted on a full Catholic mass and with a huge reception. She had the guts to tell me that when I told her I wanted a beach wedding her heart broke a little b/c she saw me as a church bride and didn’t I want god to witness my sacrament. She changed my venue on me w/o telling me and signed and put a deposit down on a new place, because our first venue wasn’t as classy or really “our style” more like her style. Did your parents also add an obsurd amount of their friends to your guest list?? My fiance and I kept off a lot of our friends b/c we didn’t want a huge wedding and then my mom managed to sneak in 15 more of her friends at the end when the invitations were being done while I was on vacation.  

I could go on forever complaining but  at this point there isn’t really anything I can do and I wish I had just put my foot down like Sammibean6610 in the beginning!!

In the end I know the important part is that we’re getting married and honestly that’s all I care about not the wedding by about starting my new life!!

Good luck and know you’re not alone!

Post # 9
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I’m so sorry that they’re driving you nuts! You’re living My Big Fat Greek Wedding! Poor thing! But like EJS said, it’s the last party they’ll ever throw you, so just try and rise above it. ๐Ÿ™‚ Have fun!

Post # 10
Member
495 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Totally agree with EJS and KateMW, just hang in there it’s almost there, and just try and enjoy the party (even if it isn’t really exactly what you wanted).  It will still be fun right?  You could try sitting them down and talking to them about how you feel a bit left out of the planning process, but that sounds like it’a) a bit late and b) difficult with your family!  Just remember they’re doing it because they want the best for you (right?) ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 11
Bee
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall

Sometimes it’s just not worth arguing about. our picnic is definitely not the wedding reception we would have planned, and sometimes it’s hard for me to control myself from telling Future Mother-In-Law to do this or that (instead of what she wants to do). But it’s her party and we’re simply the guests of honor. This is the case with a lot of weddings, including yours. You’re the guests of honor but it’s your parents party. So enjoy it, party down (even if it’s to mozart!) and be sure to thank them thoroughly for all of their careful planning.

Post # 12
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I totally feel your pain. What drives me totally crazy is that my mom tries to put it all on me by saying I’m being a ‘Bridezilla’. Translation…Bridezilla = not instantly agreeing with every decision she makes and letting her pick everything. Then she’ll say she just doesn’t understand how her daughter is so high maintenance about wedding details when she herself is so laid back about it all. Um, let me emphasize, I adore my mom and love her to death. Not a lot of self awareness on this particular topic, though!

I’m actually curious as to what people are disagreeing about with their parents. So far my mom (my ‘totally laid back’ mom, that is,) has had a minor fit about:

 

The height of the centerpieces (I like tall, she likes short)

The materials in the centerpieces (I like floral, she likes non-floral)

The wedding colors (I want black and white, she doesn’t want black Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses)

The length of the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses (I say short is really in style now and can work at any wedding in a dressy material, she says short absolutely has to be for an early daytime casual wedding)

The candy buffet (I want one, she doesn’t)

The food (I want something a little more modern, she wants traditional chicken & beef)

The location (I wanted something outdoors, she wanted a wedding hall)

 

Again, love my mom so much and can’t wait to share this day with her. I must bite my tongue when I hear her complain about why I can’t just be relaxed about the whole thing like my older sister was (translation = shut up and let me make the decisions!)

 

Post # 13
Member
908 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

We are paying for about 40% of our wedding and the only things we had full control of are the things we paid for.  I understand how you feel b/c you want to be grateful that they are paying for your wedding but it’s hard to be grateful when they are controlling everything.

When I told my Mom that I wanted a DOC (that I was going to pay for) she said “I don’t want someone else coming in here and taking over our wedding”  um, our?!?! 

Some days I want to say “screw it all” and just elope but like you, I’m 2.5 weeks out so it’s a bit late for that now. 

I just try not to think of all the things I had no say in and focus on the parts that I love about the wedding.  I’ve also promised myself that when my kids get married I will give them X amount of money and let them do whatever they want with it.  Of course there is the whole other end of the spectrum with the bride’s whose parents don’t want any involvement and I see how that is also hurtful.  Hopefully we can strike a balance when our kids get married

Post # 14
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

i’m sorry you have to go through this.  i am in a similar situation.  just yesterday my mom was telling my dad that this is going to be the tackiest wedding ever!  she wants me to have a traditional, white wedding, with pink flowers.  that is not me!  first she complained about my bridesmaid dress choices, then the fact i am wearing colored shoes, and our music choices, and now the favors, and everything else!  i mean she is paying for the wedding with my Future Mother-In-Law but still.  my Fiance and I have a vision.  she had her chance for her wedding…it’s my turn.  ugh! 

Post # 15
Member
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

i’m sorry.. that sounds really rough but you’re almost there.. 2.5 wks more.. you can have vow renewals where everything will be exactly your way? ๐Ÿ™‚

is there something that’s left to be done that is VERY important to you? maybe focus on getting that done YOUR way instead? is it possible to get things done away from your folks and not share every moment? i ended up having to do that b/c everyone (i come from a large family) was chiming in with their ideas and opinions which got too overwhelming.

Post # 16
Member
815 posts
Busy bee

Hang in there!  In the end you will be married, and you will have a good time with your familiy and friends.  Luckily I am the second daughter, and it was decided long ago that I would pay for my own wedding.  So no Big Fat Greek wedding for me, except a few things my mom will insist on…

Enjoy it!  And I agree that it might help if you think of it as the last party they’ll ever throw you.

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