(Closed) My parents told my fiance he needs to have my brothers as groomsmen

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 31
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I understand where you are coming from. I am one of 3 with two brothers but we are only having 4 each. Still I did think about it recently and wish my brothers were in there but they are not so i can deal with it.

But your parents are upset but it also sounds like you want them there too. Out of 8 people i am sure your fiance can take at least one or two out to put some of your brothers in there? These people should understand, its not like they are getting kicked out for a friend replacement. this is family. How far is it into your planning?

Post # 35
Member
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

So, it appears maybe I’m in the minority here but there was no choice when it came to my brothers. They are groomsman. It’s important to me and I made that clear to my fiancé. By getting married they become his family, too. I understand your fiancé wants his friends up there but, at least for me, there’d be no option. I see why your mom was upset and I don’t find it inappropriate that she brought it up at all. If it is important to you that they be part of the bridal party id make that clear to your fiancé. I’m sure two friends won’t mind doing a reading or being an usher. 

Post # 37
Member
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

rolson91 :  I totally understand. You’re in a tough spot right now and so is your fiancé. Good luck! 

Post # 38
Member
560 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I think you (and not your FI) need to be the one to work this out. I think it was definitely an oversight on both of your parts to not include your brothers in such a large bridal party, but you had to know in advance of him doing it who he was asking right? You really should have made your wishes known then. Now that he has asked people I think it would be unfair to ask him to UNask them – and he’s the one who would have to deal with the blowback of that.

I would have them stand on your side. Who cares if it’s uneven?

Post # 39
Member
1691 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Am I the only one that didn’t include fiances siblings? He has 2 sisters. I love them but I just didn’t even think about them as my BMs. 

I just dont understand why I HAVE to put his family on MY side when I have my own family and friends. I don’t have any brothers though. But I wouldn’t expect (just like my fiancé didn’t expect me to do so) for my fiancé to have them as his Groomsmen. 

Post # 41
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

rolson91 :  It’s 2016, I don’t understand why your brothers can’t be on your side and his sister on his side. Then you have 10 and he has 9. I will have 2 guys on myside if we decided to have a wedding party. I went to a wedding a few weekends ago with a female best man. It’s pretty much the norm now. I didn’t really realize people still got cought up on females only on the brides side and males only on the groom’s side. Even back in 2004 when when of my sorority sisters got married her hubby had a female best man and a female groomsman and her brother was her Maid/Matron of Honor. 

Post # 43
Member
905 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

*He* picks who stands up with *him*; it has nothing to do with you, much less your parents. If he asks anyone to step down now he’s ending that friendship. *You* choose who stands with *you*. Your parents choose no one–that, the celebrant, and the ceremony are the things they aren’t paying for, but are up to the couple getting married, no matter who hosts.

Your parents are way out of line–and so are you, to pressure your Fiance to drop his dear friends to add your afterthought brothers. What a mess!

Post # 44
Member
9756 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

Your Fiance shouldn’t be made to ‘fire’ anyone as groomsmen because you and your parents want your brothers in there. First of all, it is his side so HE chooses. YOU chose to have his sister as your bridesmaid, that was your decision. He chose his groomsmen, leave it at that.

I think it is nice to include your brothers, but they should be on your side if you really want them in there. You sounded concerned about them having to do the long walk down the aisle and how it will look. Which are you more concerned about, having them in the wedding or them not having to do the long walk down the aisle? You could always have them where button holes and sit in the front row until the bridesmaids file down the aisle then stand up the front before you walk down (or stay sitting).

Or as PPs have suggested they could have other roles: ushers, doing readings, MC, etc.

Post # 45
Member
1556 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I think the sheer number each of you has on your side is immense and your mom has seen that your brothers don’t get a look in. The damage is done and I know your mom didn’t approach it the right way but weddings are family matters. 

I was genuinely upset not to be bridesmaid at my brother’s wedding especially because she had 4 bridesmaids yet I didn’t even get a look in .

 

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