(Closed) My Partner can’t come to a wedding with me, can i take another plus one instead

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1352 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Just go by yourself, by her saying that comment to you I definately would not bring a friend.

Post # 5
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@plusonedilemna:  I would give based on just your attendance, as you are the only person coming.

Post # 6
Member
1352 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Im assuming this wedding is this Saturday… You guys RSVPed yes and your partner backed out today… with such short notice I think you should give your original gift. I’m having to pay per person at my venue so if someone does that to me I’m still out the cost of that person. I’m guessing she wasn’t planning on inviting someone last minute to take his place she probably made that comment because she doesn’t want a total stranger there and it probably just ticked her off that you asked. 

Post # 7
Member
46421 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Your wedding gift should be based on your regard for /relationship with the couple not whether there are one or two people attending.

 

Post # 8
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@julies1949:  agreed and its only 2 days before the wedding, how can you back out now? I would feel realy bad for your friend if you backed out right before her wedding, she has already paied for both of you, doubt she would try to invite someobody else so last minute….. and your gift really should be based on the value of the realtionship

Post # 10
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think what she meant by saying that she had a lot of friends she could have invited, is merely that she wishes you would have known BEFORE so she could have invited them then, not that she has people on standby for her wedding in two days.

If you’re someone that gifts based on covering your plate, and gives more if you and your SO attend (I don’t have an issue with this; I do somethign along these lines) at this point I’d stick with what you were intending to give for both of you.  You’ve probably already budgeted to give that amount, and she’s probably still stuck paying for his plate.

Post # 11
Member
1352 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@plusonedilemna:  Wouldn’t you have incurred those same costs if both of you were going?

Post # 12
Member
2712 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Why won’t she let you bring a friend?  Who is she going to invite 2 days before the wedding?  Also, since you don’t know anyone besides the bride and groom AND you are from out of town, you should be allowed to bring someone and I think it’s lame that she won’t let you.  It’s up to you if you want to go or not.  But don’t decide to not go just so she can invite her B-list, don’t go because you don’t feel comfortable going (it’s prefectly acceptable to decline an invite).

As far as the gift goes, I would give based on your relationship with your friend and what you can afford and not on if 1 or 2 people attend the wedding.  And it’s perfectly okay to give less if you can’t afford it because you spent $100 on taxis.

Post # 14
Member
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

If she gave you a plus one, I think you should be able to bring a plus one, especially if that was your plan before today. If I had accounted for two people in my planning, I would be fine that you bring a friend so you know someone. As far as gifting goes, do what you can. Call me old fashioned, but I don’t think you should expect $x/person. It’s a wedding celebration, not a money-making (or break-even) venture.

Post # 15
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

@plusonedilemna:  I’m surprised she actually has a two day out backup list (not sure I would attend a wedding I was invited to two days out), but I suppose if that’s the case she’s still using the plate, then by all means decrease your gift if you want. 

To me it sounds like you just want us to say you don’t have to go at all though, which if you don’t want to spend time and money travelling to a wedding by yourself is somewhat understandable. 

The topic ‘My Partner can’t come to a wedding with me, can i take another plus one instead’ is closed to new replies.

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