- 2 months ago
- Wedding: August 2019
My ex and I had been together for 7.5 years and lived together for 6 of them. I’ve known him for 9 years all up.
We have travelled the world for a year, moved and lived in other countries and had just applied for a extension 3 year visa for the UK 2 months prior to the breakup. We had been living and travelling for the last two years in London and we’re setting up a business for our return.
We had good communication and discussed the seriousness of our decision to come back to the UK and start a business and where both open and happy to go ahead with it. It’s a very big and expensive decision so any doubts he could have been having he certainly wasn’t having them then and neither was I.
We have always been good at communicating with each other and frequently had conversations about our future, marriage and family.
He is 29 and I am 26 and we both agree we weren’t ready for kids for a few more years and considered ourselves married without the paper as we didn’t see the need to waste money on a wedding (sorry to offend anyone!). He would call me his wife etc.
We arrived in London to start our new visa 2 months prior to the breakup.
My ex went away to see a male mate in the Netherlands one weekend, and then he went back the very next weekend as there was a wedding he was invited to.
The next weekend my ex and I went to meet that same male friend in Tuscany with his friends family for a long weekend.
On returning from the holiday about a week later, my ex told me out of the blue one night that he “I think I’m happy but I’m just not sure”.
When we got to the bottom of it he had met a stranger (his friends distant relative) on the two weekends in the Netherlands and had apparently “felt a spark” with her. He said he kissed her and wanted to do more but didn’t.
To be clear there was no signs, no reasons to think he wasn’t fully in the relationship, and he hasn’t given me any reasons for the breakup other than this other person and that he suddenly fell out of love when he met her. Other than that there was no reason for me to think he didn’t want to be together.
We even saw a couples counsellor a few weeks after the breakup and when asked about our relationship he couldn’t fault anything about it.
The next 1-2 months were messy with mixed signals, confusion and hurt. After a while we sat down and had a very emotional talk and we agreed that it was best that I go back to Australia to be with my family for a few weeks to have some time apart. He said he would end things with this new girl (not sure how they had even started), we would work on ourselves , go to counselling and try again fresh on my return. We booked my return flight together. We had a plan and he stayed with me that night like we were a regular couple again and was even intimate!
The next day he left and I flew out the very next day. I called him before takeoff and realised from the dial tone that he was in another country (the Netherlands with the girl) he said he was there ending it properly and wished me a safe flight and said he missed me. (I know…I was so naive but at the time I truly believed him).
Of course a day after I landed he called and said it was all a big lie and he was staying with this new girl. I was devastated and confused from his actions the last night we spent together and felt like he had just broken up with me all over again. How can he be with someone and act like he is in love when he doesn’t even know her?!
It is now exactly 3 months on from the moment he first said he wanted to leave.
We have stayed in contact over the 6 weeks I was in Australia trying to sort out visas, separation and our belongs but got nowhere and our communication was just horrible. When I returned to London to sort our belongings together with him present he had already taken everything he wanted including our joint belongings. So I took what was left that was mine and shipped it all back to Australia.
I could see on social media that while I was in Australia for 6 weeks he flew to the Netherlands twice to see the new girl and the weekend before I arrived back she came to London and he introduced her to all our friends as his new gf (8 weeks after our breakup). This is a person he has met a total of 6 times!! He even took her to our house, when all my belongings were still there….odd.
It is as if everything he has done since the moment of the breakup is completely out of character, weird and just not him. No one can understand it, all our friends and family are shocked and didn’t see it coming either. He has never cheated and always had strong morals against cheaters. He seems to think kissing and speaking to someone else while your still in a relationship ISNT cheating which seems like he is trying to remove the guilt from himself and make the situation seem less than it is.
Some more background on him, the business (property investing) was mostly his idea and required him to work 10hr days mon-fri in his normal job and then on weekends look for properties. He also had a lot of his families money and pressure to invest there money too. Our entire relationship he has wanted to get into property and be “financially free”, and has recently become more focused on overly ambitious business profits considering he hasn’t even bought any property yet. His own parents had been going through a separation at the time we saw them at the start of the year. He just doesn’t have any time and a lot of stress and pressure.
We were supposed to meet on the Saturday when I got back at the house to sit and sort the belongings but there was nothing there so I got the sense he was either meeting to see me, get closure for himself, Hoover me (narssasist trait to keep me on the back burner) or just for his own selfish reasons. So I left the bridal ring set he gave me and a photo on the bedside table and haven’t spoken to him since.
I’ve now been in the ‘No contact Rule’ for about 2 weeks. He tried calling the day we were supposed to meet but I had already blocked his number and blocked him and her on fb. He tried reaching out to my sister by messaging and she never replied.
What are people’s thoughts??
All I keep thinking is that she is an overlap/rebound and how on earth they could possibly work as it would take 5 hours to fly to see each other including travel and he has to hire a car every time he goes to hers. She seems immature (adding all our friends on fb after 1 meeting), I think she lives with her parents and is 25 and they both seem to be in the ‘honeymoon’ phase. Friends said they acted just like we used to, as if she has slotted into my place. They are even going on holidays together after only 2 months dating…isn’t that odd? They seem to be moving very fast! And yes before people judge, I know that obsessing over their relationship isn’t healthy but I’m sure people can appreciate my confusion and curiosity. I know it will get less and less that I care.
I’ve been working on myself and trying to accept it’s over but it’s very hard! I’ve been seeing a counsellor and a spiritual lady and trying to work on myself. Eating healthy, working out, doing yoga and being social.
But I still cry most days and just don’t know when he will wake up and realise what his done and regret it.