My partner of 7.5 years left me for a stranger

posted 2 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee

Oh my…..I have no real advice for you but wanted to say that I am so sorry.  This just flat out stinks.  Out loud.  But….I promise…..you WILL get through this.  As cliche as it sounds, everything really does happen for a reason.  This is probably just freeing you up for something spectacular headed your way.  

 

Post # 3
Member
6624 posts
Bee Keeper

Keep no contact. It doesnt matter if shes a rebound or not. He left. Even if he came back, it shows how uncommitted he is to you that a “stranger” would make him drop you like a hot potato. Don’t wish for his regret. You deserve so much better bee! 

Post # 4
Member
400 posts
Helper bee

brittany92 :  It does sound so odd. Are you absolutely sure that the first time they’ve met was in the Netherlands at the wedding? As it seems it has been going on for longer and he was just good at hiding it from you. 

In any case, I’m so sorry Bee. He sent you away letting you think you were on a break when actually he just wanted to get rid of you so he could start afresh with this new girl and didnt have the guts to say that to your face in person? He is a JERK. He’s awful and trust me one day you will be thankful that he’s out of your life. 7.5 years and this is how he thinks he should break up? 

I have so many words for him but none I can type out here. 

Post # 5
Member
600 posts
Busy bee

That is such a horrid, awful thing he did to you! Try and stay strong and keep at it with the no contact. And even if he should come back begging on his bare knees don’t take him back. He’s a selfish bastard and you are worth so much more!

Post # 6
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I want to give you a hug and say that it will all be ok! He is an ahole who cheated and she is the worse kind of female, the one will be a commited man. 

Post # 7
Member
302 posts
Helper bee

Reminds me of my ex.  We were together for 9 years.  He started cheating on me with a very young girl at work who he had only known for a month or two.  He kept lying to me about it and giving me mixed messages about wanting to work it out and constantly lied claiming he wasn’t seeing her anymore.  It was like overnight he got a personality transplant and I didn’t know him anymore.  I also had the weird feeling of her filling my place because I found out he was taking her to all the places we liked to go together and calling her the same nicknames he called me.  It was very freaky.  They broke up after 8 or 9 months (including the couple months he was cheating on me with her).  He tried to get back together with me and I turned him down.  Now I have the most amazing boyfriend I could ever ask for.  I know it’s so hard while you’re going through it, but I’m so thankful things worked out the way they did now.  Hang in there.

Post # 8
Member
4057 posts
Honey bee

I’m sorry, but unsurprised. This sort of thing happens, I’ve done it myself. Please take it easy on the working on yourself bit; this breakup occurred for reasons other than you being defective in some way. Don’t do anything because you think it might get him back. It won’t work. Stay no contact.

At this point he’s gone and you need to realize that and untangle yourself from the threads that bund you to him. He’s not coming back and you’re still young enough to make a great life without him. In the future don’t let anyone call you wife who isn’t actually married to you.

Post # 9
Member
279 posts
Helper bee

All I can really say is that I’m sorry that he’s a douche. Unless he has a brain tumor, a sudden change in his personalities and behaviors is not random; he probably felt this way for a while and suppressed his feelings and his cheating. The way that he suddenly moved this girl into your place just shows that he was probably seeing her for a while and was waiting for the opportune moment. I’m really sorry. You’re young and things will get better. I suggest cutting off all contact, don’t hope that he will realize his mistakes because that’s giving yourself hope for a reconciliation (something I hope you don’t consider or do). Hugs

Post # 10
Member
9852 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

He’s a liar who was lying to you for a long time prior to this. Either about how he felt in your relationship or about how he met this girl. My money is on he probably met her online prior to meeting her in person and had developed some sort of relationship with her online. Just speculation on my part.

 

Post # 11
Member
500 posts
Busy bee

My thoughts are that he’s a little weasel. He might have hidden it well for years (still a weasel) or he might have had some kind of epiphany (STILL a weasel). Who cares? No one deserves a weasel. Feel sorry for this poor deluded girl, cut off communication and thank your lucky stars that you are separated by an ocean. If/when he does “wake up” and does the whole “I fucked up, I need you” routine, remember that this only further confirms his self-centered weaselness. He wants what he wants when he wants it, damn the consequences. Trust me, you don’t want that in a partner. 

Post # 12
Hostess
3891 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

My only advice is this: when he comes crawling back to you, which he invariably will, tell him to fuck right off. 

I’m so sorry you are having to go through this, I know how bad it hurts 🙁 There is someone so much better out there for you! 

Post # 13
Member
840 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Turkey

A…hole. Thats what he is. Anything and everything coming from him, block him. Do not look at their photos, or get info from his friends about their lives. Whatever is happening there is horrible for you and you don’t want to make it harder. Hope you’ll get over soon, you will cry a lot, at the most happiest places you will. You may question yourself and what you did wrong, or compare yourself/doubt yourself.

Irrelevant. You are you and you’re not responsible from other people’s actions. So, time to acknowledge your pain and then be fierce. Hugs. 

Post # 14
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2020 - North Carolina

To me this seems like it was an longtime online long distance relationship and the wedding was an excuse for them to finally meet. I’m so sorry that this happened to you. I can’t imagine how you must feel after 7.5 years and no issues! I agree with previous posters. Work on yourself and continue with the “no contact”. You deserve so much better. 

 

ETA: You both were very young when you met. It seems like this is both of your first long term relationships. He’s still a d*ck for treating you that way but maybe he “felt a spark” with this stranger because she was new and different and he’s never really had the chance to do a lot of serious dating. This could be a good thing for the both of you. Now you have the opportunity to grow and find what you really need/want in a relationship.

Post # 15
Member
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

Fixating on the details of their relationship isn’t healthy. The idea of rebounds being a universal bad idea isn’t true…for plenty of people, it works out just fine. However, what he did wasn’t a rebound, so that’s a moot point. For what it’s worth, plenty of people end up living happily ever after with the people they leave their SOs for…something wasn’t right, they were too cowardly to say anything, and then BOOM, catalyst. It’s shitty, but I say it because there’s this sort of universal thought that these sorts of situations always implode, and you can sit back and enjoy it smugly, but be prepared that that might not happen and you might not ever get that satisfaction you’re hoping for. 

Anyhow OP, my heart goes out to you, and you sound like you have your head on straight. Take some time to truly be selfish. If a casual rebound with a super hot guy is your thing, go for it. Focus on your business and friendships, take up a hobby, maybe get a pet if that’s something you have wanted. 

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