(Closed) My past is tearing us apart…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4159 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Sorry, but I’m seeing a bunch of red flags here…

Post # 4
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

He sounds emotionally and mentally abusive. I wouldn’t put up with any of this and I certainly wouldnt actively try to have a child with this man.

Post # 5
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Ok Short:

DO NOT have a baby with this man. Do not walk-RUN

Ok, longer responce:

This isn’t normal at all. This is abusive. You say he’s nice and everything ok-but that’s a lie. He’s not nice and everything is not ok. You said it yourself The things he does to you are never OK in a healthy relationship. My Fiance would love me if I had slept with 123123213 men before I met him. I could have been a super-hoe, he loves me for who I am now.

YOU are desrving of that kind of love. You cannot change a man like that. He will lonly get worse. I’m sorry.

Post # 6
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Bostongrl25:  +1

I am never quick to advise someone to leave, but I am very, very worried for you.

http://www.thehotline.org/

Please take care of yourself, and do not bring a child into this situation. I wish the best for you.

Post # 7
Member
365 posts
Helper bee

Agreed, red flags. He sounds like a beginning abuser. That’s ridiculous, having you removed from the home because he’s apparently incapable of controlling violent impulses? Sorry… if you truly are so angry that you can’t cool down, you take yourself for a walk or something. You don’t further victimize the person you’re angry at.

There’s nothing to be ashamed about if you’ve had more partners than he has. I have way more than you, lady, and my SO only has one before me… but it’s fine, because we communicate, he knows I’m only his now, and that all that is in the past. If your SO is so obsessive in his head that he can’t get over that, then he needs to move on, because no amount of yelling can undo your past. He needs to get over it, or get over you.

This is so far from healthy. I’m sorry, that’s harsh… but this is going nowhere good for you. I’m concerned that you’re working so hard to settle down with someone so manipulative.

Post # 8
Member
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

He can’t be mad or “punish” you for things you did BEFORE you met him. He’s clearly not ready to be in a healthy, mature relationship.

Please stop TTC, seek a therapist for yourself, and as a couple (if you choose to stay with him).

There is a man out there that is everything you have ever wanted and a man that will treat you in a way you never thought possible (all good things!). This isn’t it. Spend some time apart and decide what you really want. It’s the best thing you can do for yourself, him, and any possible children.

Post # 9
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I think the two of you need to get into counseling pronto. You both need individual counseling to deal with your own demons and then couples counseling to make sure that you’re handling things appropriately together. Right now, I don’t know that I’d be able to marry a man who was close to hurting me…or who called me a whore on multiple occasions. That’s just not a healthy relationship. Something would have to change for me in order to go through with this. You’re better than how you’re being treated, and you need to realize that! I’m not saying to leave him, but you definitely need to get some outside help here.

Post # 10
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Your past is yours and yours alone. He’s terribly insecure, and worse manipulative. I suggest you see a therapist and encourage him to do the same. Stop TTC until he’s able to accept you ALL of you past n all.

Post # 11
Member
9686 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Get away from this guy.  He’s nuts.  I didn’t even finish reading this.

You’re in danger if you stay with him.  Run!

Post # 12
Member
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Your past is not his to judge. And the fact that he manipulated you out of going to an interview is scary. Nothing about this relationship sounds good.

Post # 13
Member
2914 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

Your past is NOT responsible for the problems in your relationship. Your FH’s poor mental health is. He needs to get therapy and support to help him work through his issues, and honestly he would be better off doing so when NOT in a relationship with you. His behavior is not okay.

Post # 14
Member
365 posts
Helper bee

Also… I want you to understand: It’s not your past that is tearing you apart. It’s his inability to control himself.

Post # 15
Member
5221 posts
Bee Keeper

He sounds like absolute trouble and PTSD is no excuse for emotional blackmail or manipulation. 

Post # 16
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Not healthy.

More like cancerous.

Run away.

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