(Closed) My past is tearing us apart…

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 302
Member
1433 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

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@futuremrsk18:  Some things are better left unsaid, regardless of someone being “insecure” or not. 

Post # 303
Member
6738 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@honeybee1999:  I don’t really know what you mean by your comment.  I think I missed something?

Post # 304
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I had an ex like this. This behavior is NOT ok. It doesn’t get any better, it just gets worse, and no matter what you do everything will be misconstrued as you cheating.

I don’t know how old you are, or how long you’ve been sexually active, but most girls I know have been with more than 12 guys. It just depends on the girl, really. I’ve always had long term relationships so my number is lower in comparision to some of my friends, but pretty much any girl I know who went to university and goes to bars has been with a fair share. 

Or maybe my friends are just floozies. Haha. Anyway, 12 isn’t horrendous. 

Post # 305
Member
1397 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Don’t marry this guy, please. It sounds like he’s got his own issues, and you don’t need to be a part of them.

 

I’m pretty damn prude, but I don’t think 12 is a shocking number. And he’s slept with 5? He wasn’t exactly saving himself for marriage, then, now was he? He’s got no right to judge you like that, and if he does, he doesn’t love you. What’s the big deal, as long as your both faithful and not humping everything that walks into the bar?

 

My fiance and I occassionally fight about our pasts, including romantic/sexual pasts. I think jealousy and irrational behavior, especially if you’re already upset about something else, is normal. Not ideal, but normal. However, we’re not fighting about on on anywhere NEAR a weekly basis, and if he were calling the cops for any reason, I’d be OUT.

 

Leave. Run, don’t walk. This sucks, and I”m sorry for you, but run.

Post # 306
Member
1397 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

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@Baal:  I’m bipolar and also suffer from PTSD.  I don’t treat my Fiance like shit. Same situation here. Lots of people have mental health issues or emotional problems. Get help, go to therapy, take meds, get a grip, and don’t take it out on others. We all do regrettable things and go through rough times where we aren’t at our best, but you’ve gotta take responsibility for it and not let it destroy yourself or others.

Having a baby will not ‘fix’ things…it will make them worse.  AGREED! Imagine when he asks you for a DNA test because the baby isn’t his spitting image. Children start to hear and feel things at something like 8 weeks of pregnancy, so the baby will be subject to all your fighting and stress. And when he or she is born, it will only be worse. No child deserves this environment. Or God forbid this psycho got physically violent and provoked a miscarriage… no no no. No way.

Post # 307
Member
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I’m sorry to hear you are going through this.  My ex was the same way.  He was jealous of my past, jealous of any guy I talked to, jealous of everything.  He would call me names (whore, slut, the c word even) and we would fight all the time. 

Eventually I stopped having guy friends and stopped talking to some of my female friends all together (he particularly hated one – who happened to be my best friend).

You need to get away from him NOW.  He will NOT change.  I spent SEVEN YEARS off and on with my ex.  He would be good for a while then his old personality would come back. 

I wasted a lot of time with him and had NOTHING to show for it.  If you have a baby with him – he will be in your life forever.  And how do you know he won’t treat your children this way?

I thought I loved my ex – and would never find anyone who would replace him.  You know what? I DID.  3 years later I’m getting married to the man who is everythind I could want in a man…and everything I didn’t know I needed until I met him.  My Fiance is: patient, trusting, kind, smart, he would do anything for me.  He would NEVER think of calling me a name.  Ever.

I would highly recommend finding a counselor or something you can talk to.  You are better than how he is treating you.

Post # 308
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee

Hey, you mentioned struggling with wanting to self injure, which is something I deal with too. I wanted to share likes to a couple articles which really helped me:

Understanding Why You Self Harm (http://www.pandys.org/articles/whyyouselfharm.html)

Learning to Live Without Self Harm (http://www.pandys.org/articles/livewithoutselfharm.html)

Relapsing After Quitting Self Harm (http://www.pandys.org/articles/relapsing.html)

 

Also, you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed about regarding your sexual history. Absolutely nothing.

Good Luck with everything, this sounds like a very confusing time in your life.

Post # 309
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

What are you waiting for? for him to punch you in the face?

God… im actually getting angry seen how you defend him.

Don’t be stup*d, for christ’s sake

Post # 310
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Eight pages worth of very concerned and common sense posts telling you how fucked up your situation is, and all you can do is defend the piece of shit that abuses you. 

I hope you wise up before this “man” beats you up or kills you. It will definitely happen sooner or later. 

Please do not get pregnant. It is the most horrible and unethical move you could make. How you live your life is your choice, but don’t create a child just so it can be abused. 

If you ever decide to leave, there are many people who care about you and will help you. 

Post # 311
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

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@futuremrsk18:  I think this is a very supportive post, also confused by the comment regarding it.

Post # 312
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2013

You need to stop TTC NOW!  You need to take a step back, read what you have just told us all and imagine it was your best friend telling you that story.

He’s already threatened you with physical violence (but got a police officer to take you to your parents), what if he can’t control himself next time?

Get out now

Post # 314
Member
9126 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

Frown

You shouldn’t have to tell your man not to treat you like shit.  He should worship you and the idea of hurting you should be the most horrible repellent thing in the world to him.  You can’t fix a relationship with someone who did these things to you.  There’s no way this can end well.

Post # 315
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2012

You need to google “Signs of an abuser” because this guy meets ALL of them.

You’re 20 years old and trying to have a baby with a guy you haven’t even been with for a year???  Do you have a college degree or any other way to support yourself an an infant if this dude leaves you or puts you in the hospital?  

My cousin was with an abusive guy, and guess what? She didn’t leave him until he started abusing her daughter too.

Just the fact that you want to marry this fool (and any 29 year old guy who wants to MARRY a 20 year old is pretty freakin’ foolish) tells me that you’re in no way ready for marriage, much less motherhood.

Post # 316
Member
1827 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@MissFormaldehyde:  if you get pregnant, what will you do with your junkie roommate? your computer got stolen while in your house… what will happen to your baby?

 

pregnancy is not a bandaid. its not going to make everything magically better.

 

just because someone lost children in the past does not mean he deserves more/is ready for more.

 

you have 15-20 more years to become a mother. please do your future offspring a favor and wait until you are at a better point in your life. don’t repeat the cycle- you experienced abuse in your mom and dad’s relationship, and now you are in an abusive one yourself. stop while you can.

 

 

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