(Closed) My people all live nearby so I'm dominating the guestlist :/

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
519 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@smilestorm:  I would have him call and perhaps ask his relatives if they’d be willing to travel, it is silly to assume they won’t because it is just a second wedding for him. 

Fiance and I have a situation where most of both our families live far out and before even sending out STD we called each and every one to ask them if it’d be possible – a shocking number said they’d love to come and would make their arrangements! 

If you make assumptions you may end up getting a bite in the butt if all of his relatives RSVP and you weren’t prepared for so many guests.

But even if the majority cannot come do not shed your list down unless it is a budget issue!

Post # 4
7271 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@JessicaJupiter:  +1 It’s silly to assume they won’t travel because it’s his second wedding. If they are truly supportive of him, I’m sure that won’t matter to them.

I would invite the 20-25 close people you want there even if your guests far out number his. If the situation were reversed, I would not want my SO to miss out on guests just because they feel bad that I won’t have as many.


Post # 5
1938 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@smilestorm:  My family is further than his… but closer than his… So I’m still dominating the guest list.  YOu can’t help it, I don’t think it’s often where guest lists are perfectly evenly split. As long as the guests that come are supportive of BOTH of you, it’s fine!

Post # 6
8669 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I don’t think anyone should dominate the guest list. I think if you are both paying for the wedding then you get equal amount of invites (20 brides family, 20 grooms family, 20 bride & grooms friends for example).

If you end up having more yes RSVP’s than him that is entirely a different thing and can’t be helped. But I think you will be suprised at who will RSVP yes and who will RSVP no regardless of the distance they have to travel.

Post # 8
731 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@smilestorm:  For what its worth, I had about twice as many guests as my husband. My famly is just much larger  given that my dad is the oldest of 12 siblings, they all came and brought their children, my cousins. My husband just has a smaller family. We had close to an equal amount of friends. At first I felt kinda bad dominating the guest list, but really we invited the “same people:” friends, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, –I just have more of them.  

Post # 9
15 posts
  • Wedding: August 2014



Short story about me: I have an adopted dad(who raised me) and my stepmom, mom and her boyfriend, two half brothers, and my biological dad and his wife(whom Im close to) top it off with 5 grandparents that puts me at a total of 16 people with a 50 person guest list…


I understand your pain! The only way that I didn’t feel bad about dominating the guest list was to make 25 his…25 mine. That way we are equal, he’ll probably have to leave off a few people and so will I. But like I said, that was the only way that I felt better because I could easily fill up the 50 person guest limit with just my family my adopted dad is one of 8 haha.

If guest limit is not a problem…then I wouldn’t cut down my guest list just to match his no. It’s understandable if your family is closer or what have you. 😀

Post # 10
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I don’t think you should cut down your side of the guestlist just to match his. If they’re all people you would want to be there, they should be–regardless of any inequity. This might be a prime situation where a B list could come into play… especially if many of his invites surprise you by RSVPing ‘yes’ as PPs have suggested. You’ll all be family at the end of the day anyway! 🙂


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