My Father Plans on Crashing my Wedding

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2126 posts
Buzzing bee

Move your wedding. Your dad is a wanker but you can’t tell him not to be at his own house. 

Post # 5
Member
6675 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

I have to agree with the PPs. At the very least, there will be no fee for cancelling your current location. It may be difficult to explain to guests, but if you can’t tell the man he cannot be at his own house. You agreed to have the wedding there, despite your father never having been there for you and despite you knowing he could/would be difficult no matter what. You cannot hold a party at someone’s home and claim they’re “crashing” your party.

Post # 6
Member
1447 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

It sounds like you’ll absolutely have to move your wedding if you don’t want your father there. You can’t have it in his house and not expect him to be there. I get that you’ve always dreamed of having it there, but you have to choose between location or excluding your father. You just can’t have both. Sorry, Bee 🙁

Post # 7
Member
6520 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

That’s a hard situation. And it sucks. Too bad you can’t get all of your guests to engage in an old fashioned shunning or have people give your father The Cut Direct. If you’re not able/willing to move your wedding, it seems the only other option is to ignore your father’s presence. But if he’s the kind of person to make a scene, even that isn’t an ideal solution.

Is he prone to forgetting dates and events? Does he have any friends your mother can get to call him up and invite him to go do some activity for the day and just coincidentally it’s the same day as the wedding?

Post # 8
Member
1379 posts
Bumble bee

You can’t actually uninvite your dad from your wedding at his house. If anything (because you most likely don’t have a contract with him), he can kick your wedding off his property. If you’re planning on uninviting him, you really need to move the wedding. If you don’t want to move the wedding, be ready for him to have as large a say as he wants since this is his house.

Post # 9
Member
2280 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

The best way to solve this is to move the wedding. I understand your home is your dream wedding but you can’t ban your father from being in his own home. It’s not ideal, but it’s the way it is.

If you do decide to have her wedding at your parents’ home he’ll most likely behave. Most people aren’t going to act up in front of 25 people.

Post # 10
Member
394 posts
Helper bee

 Sadly you have to compromise.  How much do you want to have the weddingg in the family home and risk a scene with your dad.   While I know there are two sides to every story; I tend to believe you and really it is your wedding.  In an ideal world you guys would make up and he would walk you down the aisle so to speak.  You guys would apologize to one another and he would help out. ditto for the brother.  Don’t be surprised if you have some people who take your dad’s side.  We have freedom of thought and speech and what may seem obvious to one is not to another.  This in part explains how Donald Trump got elected (regardless of whether you like him or not).   I see churches often step in to legal (criiminal matters and they back the accused and go as far as blaming the victim even on things such   as sexual assault and domestic violence.  Your real friends and family will stick by you and try to  protect you. as much as they can – whether it is enough for your wedding day I am not sure.  I suppose you could try reasoning with your dad.   Talk to him.  I know it is easy for me to say but some times what is favouritism to one child may have a bizarrre rational reason.  I know that my brother is a bit of a drama queen.  He seems modest and quiet but he for some reason has to be the victim, the American hero who came from the depths of society – ie a major crime victim, disease  whatever and rose to the top.  I was the victim of a crime wher eI was stalked, threatened and ended up changing my name, career and where i lived and my brother constantly made it about him.  But I do sort of understand – perhaps my parents did pay more attention to me at times – because the media was on the doorsteps and the threats continued but it is amazing how the mind works and how people have different perspectives.  I am sure my brother thinks I like the drama – cause everyone likes their tragedy spilled to the media.  Anyways,  I hope you can focus on the marriage and the special guy you are marrying and not the details.  Maybe you will have to make new happy memories somewhere else.  Life sadly doesn’t always play out like a movie of th eweek with a fairytale ending.  We just have to take control and make wise decisions and live with our choices.

I hope that whether you move the wedding,try talking to your dad that you can get some peace.

Post # 11
Member
7074 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Your wedding won’t be your dream wedding if your dad ruins it. I’d rather have a smooth stress free wedding in a less than perfect location vs perfect location and nightmare day. 

Move locations. He isn’t crashing anything if it’s in his own backyard.

Post # 12
Member
2126 posts
Buzzing bee

blissfullyshelby :  I’m sorry if this sounds harsh because I really feel for you, but it is that easy. It doesn’t get much easier than this. You’re not locked into a contract, you don’t have to pay a fee, you’re free to move your wedding wherever you like. 

You’re not the first bride and you won’t be the last to have to choose a venue that wasn’t your “dream venue” – or your dream dress, your dream styling, etc etc. Plenty of girls have to choose alternate venues because their perfect venue was too expensive, or booked, or didn’t end up being suitable for whatever reason. 

The ball is entirely in your court, but the fact remains that you cannot have your wedding at your childhood home without your dad being there. What is more important to you? There is absolutely nothing you can do to stop him from entering his own home. That means that he can turn up to your wedding off-his-face drunk should he choose to do so. He can do whatever he pleases on his property, and you can’t stop him. Likewise, if he brings your brother, you can’t ask him to leave either. Your dad can bring to his home any guest he likes. 

My advice to you would be to choose a new wedding venue, whether that is someone else’s home, a rented venue, or a park. If you have worked hard on the garden then that sucks, but maybe you could ask a family member to take your dad out one day and have some engagement photos taken in your spot. 

I have had major struggles with my family too, so I really really get what you’re going through. It’s hard. But don’t make this harder for yourself. Also remember this is your FI’s wedding too, so include him in choosing a new venue. Maybe if you grew up with family problems your childhood home isn’t the best place to get married anyway. Find somewhere else and step fresh into married life. 

 

Post # 13
Member
864 posts
Busy bee

blissfullyshelby :  I’d move your wedding location. Why? I’m concerned both your dad and brother wil “crash it”. 

Post # 14
Member
527 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

After reading your initial post re: uninviting your father, please, I implore you to move your venue. I know you’ve worked hard, and it’s your dream location, but your father sounds like a horrible man. Backing up your brother who suggested he would beat a pregnant woman?

I can almost guarantee that when you look back on your wedding day, you will much rather have had a happy and enjoyable day at a location that isn’t ideal, vs your dream location and have it completely ruined by your father.

Also – what’s stopping your brother from plodding along. Doesn’t sound like dad would stop him, in fact, I’d be worried he’d encourage it.

 

Post # 15
Member
1169 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

It sucks but unless your mom can get a court order that he has to move out pending the divorce settlement there’s nothing you can do. I would be looking for an alternative location or courthouse. 

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