Post # 16
I know this is not easy OP , but it is simple , in that you have no choice but to change the venue if you don’t want him and your awful brother there .
As has been said repeatedly, it’s his house and you can’t make him leave or stop him having who he wants there. (I dont think any of us took it in properly in your last thread that the wedding was goign to be in his backyard,sorry)
You also can’t really stop him/them from coming to a public park I imagine …so it has to be someone else ‘s house – or a restaurant perhaps ? Anywhere really, that you can legally stop him coming in .
I am so sorry this has happened to you so close to your wedding – breathe , breathe and look as calmly as you can for somewhere else, and then get word to the guests asap . No need for great detail either just tell them ‘circumstances changed’ or something.
And hey, you already have courage, and it is NOT “when I decide to grow some balls “- women’s courage does not consist in being like men !
Post # 17
blissfullyshelby : What does your Mom think?
Post # 18
anthonyswife : My mom is extremely upset. She’s put in more work than I have to make this wedding perfect.
To everyone who has repsonded, thank you. I’m not going to lie, when your responses first starting coming in, I was really upset with what everyone was saying. I kind of just wanted someone to tell me that I could do this, this, and this and it would all be taken care of. But I know that’s not the case and I thank everyone for your honesty and from most of you, your compassion.
I sent him a text this morning telling him that he has 2 options. He can either respect my wishes and stay away during the day of the wedding, proving to me that he at least in some capacity cares about my happiness which may lead to reconciliation further down the road. Or choice 2 is that he can force me to change the venue so that I’m able to ensure he doesn’t show up and he can effectively ruin any chance of even a semblance of a relationship in the future. The choice is his.
My best friend has already stepped up and offered to let me have my wedding at his home which is absolutely incredible and I honestly have no words for how thankful I am to have the people in my life that I do.
Post # 19
blissfullyshelby : I’m so sorry you’re going through this! But I think it’s wonderful that your friend has offered his home to you.
Keep us posted!
Post # 20
Two choices – move the wedding, accept that your dad has a legal right to be there.
Post # 21
Unfortunately, as you know, you can’t ask your father to not be on his property and by having your wedding there..he can be there. So, this should have been a given to me in any event unless if through the divorce you had thought he was leaving before that date.
I would personally move your location. It’s not worth the stress or drama. I would also not want a scene at the wedding which, at this point, is almost guaranteed.
I understand you have sentimental feelings for the spot but, unfortunately, your options are to either change it or amicably allow your father.
I understand your hardship as I’ve been there with going no contact, uninviting to wedding, etc. My father was similar to yours…not a father and never majorly involved. However, it comes down to ego, entitlement, and pride. He could no longer play the “good involved dad” card to strangers/friends/everyone except his own child. He got the reality check that just being responsible for the sperm for conceiving me didn’t entitle him to major life events or roles that weren’t deserved.
Your father feels entitled to your wedding and to your life not having earned to be in either. I wouldn’t allow him that satisfaction. I wouldn’t even trust him if he says he will stay away.
Best wishes to you and I’m sorry.
Post # 22
blissfullyshelby : While it sucks that you can’t have the wedding in your childhood home, think about it this way:
Having it somewhere else symbolizes your breaking free from the toxic environment that you grew up in. That house might hold good memories but it’s also the same house that belongs to the man that simply “tolerated” you instead of loving you as a daughter.
Post # 23
Short of drugging the guy you have no choice but to move the wedding. Luckily it’s small as and low-key. It’s the only solution.
I appreciate that it’s your happy childhood home but it will no longer be the place of happy memories if your father turns up to his own house and makes trouble for you both!
Post # 24
blissfullyshelby : im sorry this is happening! I would move the wedding to your friends home regardless so you dont have to worry about this on your wedding day. I would inform everyone (except your father obviously) last minute about the change of address. Very sweet of your friend to offer.
Post # 25
blissfullyshelby : what a great friend you have. I would move it there no matter what, as your dad doesn’t sound like he’s currently able to control his impulses but your text was certainly fair warning.
I’m just hoping he doesn’t respond with more drama for your sake.
Post # 26
blissfullyshelby : How nice of your friend to offer his home to you! I would definitely take him up on that in this situation.
As far as the text you sent your father, if he even responded saying he would behave and stay away…would you believe him? I know I wouldn’t! He sounds like a horrible human being in all honesty and I wouldn’t take him at his word on anything. My guess is even if he says he agrees to stay away, he’s still going to show up. Are you willing to risk that?
Post # 27
Is there someone who is a mutual friend (not invited to the wedding, but sympathetic to your mother and you) who would be willing to take your dad out the afternoon & evening somewhere a couple of hours away, if you funded it? “Hey John, you know things with me and my dad have been super miserable and all I want is a peaceful wedding day. If I gave you $$$, would you be willing to do me a huge favor and take my dad out for the day (or even overnight if possible!) to see a show or go gambling or whatever?” (I haven’t read the background of your story so I don’t know if this is a reasonable option.)
Post # 28
- Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club
Wow, really tough spot bee. I read your other post and I can really respect your decision.
It seems like he is unstable and even if he agrees to not be present, he still may be. It’s his home. You run a huge risk of drama. Would he be spiteful and dig up the flowers? or turn on the sprinklers when you are saving your vows?
I would be cautious. It is wonderful that a friend offered up their home. I would make the venue change for peace of mind. Talk to Fiance about it and make the decision together.
Best of luck to you bee!
Post # 29
blissfullyshelby : well then, have the wedding at your friend’s house! I’m sorry for all the upset, but plans get changed for weddings as looks like is the case with you.
Maybe you can still have a bridal bruch or celebration at you home, but if you have a chance to move the wedding to a incredible location, take the oppourtinity! this doesn’t have to mean bad things, when like give you lemons, make lemonade! any pictuers of your friend’s place? Would love to see. May make you feel better about it.
Post # 30
Chris4 : What on earth does Donald Trump have to do with this?