My Father Plans on Crashing my Wedding

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 16
8820 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

blissfullyshelby :  

I know this is not easy OP , but it is simple , in that you have no choice  but to change the venue if you don’t want him and your awful brother there .

As has been said repeatedly, it’s his house and you can’t make him leave or stop him having who he wants there. (I dont think any of us  took it in properly in your  last thread that the wedding  was goign to be in his backyard,sorry) 

You also can’t really stop him/them from  coming to  a public park I imagine …so it has to be someone else ‘s house  – or  a restaurant perhaps ?    Anywhere really, that you can legally stop him coming in .

I am so sorry this has happened to you so close to your wedding – breathe , breathe and look as calmly as you can for somewhere  else, and then get word to the guests   asap . No need for great detail  either  just tell them ‘circumstances changed’ or something. 

And hey, you already have courage, and it is  NOT “when I decide to grow some balls “- women’s courage does not consist  in being like men !

Post # 19
1090 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

blissfullyshelby :  I’m so sorry you’re going through this! But I think it’s wonderful that your friend has offered his home to you.

Keep us posted!

Post # 20
1536 posts
Bumble bee

Two choices – move the wedding, accept that your dad has a legal right to be there.

Post # 21
3040 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Unfortunately, as you know, you can’t ask your father to not be on his property and by having your wedding there..he can be there. So, this should have been a given to me in any event unless if through the divorce you had thought he was leaving before that date.

I would personally move your location. It’s not worth the stress or drama. I would also not want a scene at the wedding which, at this point, is almost guaranteed. 

I understand you have sentimental feelings for the spot but, unfortunately, your options are to either change it or amicably allow your father. 

I understand your hardship as I’ve been there with going no contact, uninviting to wedding, etc. My father was similar to yours…not a father and never majorly involved. However, it comes down to ego, entitlement, and pride. He could no longer play the “good involved dad” card to strangers/friends/everyone except his own child. He got the reality check that just being responsible for the sperm for conceiving me didn’t entitle him to major life events or roles that weren’t deserved.

Your father feels entitled to your wedding and to your life not having earned to be in either. I wouldn’t allow him that satisfaction. I wouldn’t even trust him if he says he will stay away.

Best wishes to you and I’m sorry.

Post # 22
530 posts
Busy bee

blissfullyshelby :  While it sucks that you can’t have the wedding in your childhood home, think about it this way:

Having it somewhere else symbolizes your breaking free from the toxic environment that you grew up in. That house might hold good memories but it’s also the same house that belongs to the man that simply “tolerated” you instead of loving you as a daughter.

Post # 23
2664 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

 Short of drugging the guy you have no choice but to move the wedding. Luckily it’s small as and low-key. It’s the only solution.

I appreciate that it’s your happy childhood home but it will no longer be the place of happy memories if your father turns up to his own house and makes trouble for you both!

Post # 24
9588 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

blissfullyshelby :  im sorry this is happening! I would move the wedding to your friends home regardless so you dont have to worry about this on your wedding day. I would inform everyone (except your father obviously) last minute about the change of address. Very sweet of your friend to offer. 

Post # 25
11528 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

blissfullyshelby :  what a great friend you have. I would move it there no matter what, as your dad doesn’t sound like he’s currently able to control his impulses but your text was certainly fair warning.

I’m just hoping he doesn’t respond with more drama for your sake. 

Post # 26
6833 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

blissfullyshelby :  How nice of your friend to offer his home to you! I would definitely take him up on that in this situation. 

As far as the text you sent your father, if he even responded saying he would behave and stay away…would you believe him? I know I wouldn’t! He sounds like a horrible human being in all honesty and I wouldn’t take him at his word on anything. My guess is even if he says he agrees to stay away, he’s still going to show up. Are you willing to risk that? 

Post # 27
2918 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

Is there someone who is a mutual friend (not invited to the wedding, but sympathetic to your mother and you) who would be willing to take your dad out the afternoon & evening somewhere a couple of hours away, if you funded it? “Hey John, you know things with me and my dad have been super miserable and all I want is a peaceful wedding day. If I gave you $$$, would you be willing to do me a huge favor and take my dad out for the day (or even overnight if possible!) to see a show or go gambling or whatever?” (I haven’t read the background of your story so I don’t know if this is a reasonable option.)

Post # 28
2595 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club

Wow, really tough spot bee. I read your other post and I can really respect your decision.

It seems like he is unstable and even if he agrees to not be present, he still may be. It’s his home. You run a huge risk of drama. Would he be spiteful and dig up the flowers? or turn on the sprinklers when you are saving your vows? 

I would be cautious. It is wonderful that a friend offered up their home. I would make the venue change for peace of mind. Talk to Fiance about it and make the decision together.

Best of luck to you bee!

Post # 29
743 posts
Busy bee

blissfullyshelby :  well then, have the wedding at your friend’s house! I’m sorry for all the upset, but plans get changed for weddings as looks like is the case with you.

Maybe you can still have a bridal bruch or celebration at you home, but if you have a chance to move the wedding to a incredible location, take the oppourtinity! this doesn’t have to mean bad things, when like give you lemons, make lemonade! any pictuers of your friend’s place? Would love to see. May make you feel better about it.



Post # 30
385 posts
Helper bee

Chris4 :  What on earth does Donald Trump have to do with this? undecided

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