- 8 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
Recently in my and FI’s relationship things have been very stressed. In attempts to make a long story short Ill summarize what’s happened.
The day after we got engaged my best friend’s parents were murdered and she was so angry with me because I couldnt make it for the funeral because my boss told me I’d get fired if I left, so instead I drove all the way to NC after work to be with her. Now we no longer talk because she is angry with me about that and told everyone I had an engagement party to go to, when really I was in the middle of a huge closing at work. This hurt me so badly that it took a long time to get over. <— Where the stress started for Fiance and I, mainly because it was supposed to be the most exciting time in our lives and I was hurting.
Fast forward a few months, but first quick background on Fiance, he is the most LOVING and caring human being I have ever met. He used to always love on me and show me how much he cared for me, lately, being the last few months, things have not been that way. Although the “love” for one another has always stayed in tact, the affection for each other has taken a downfall. I feel like I have to constanly ask to be loved on (I am a very affectionate person and require, at home, a lot of love). I have brought this up to Fiance three times in the past, and he’s said he’d work on it. That lasts about 3 days and then its back to our now normal routine. I understand that life gets busy and that we are tired from work and everything else that goes along with life, so the affection can sometimes lack, but not all the time.
Now, last night, mind you I wasnt in the best of moods because of my stupid ass renter was being a pain, we were trying to unwind from the day and I honestly just wanted a hug after the day I had and I just got “you have an attitude”. REALLY? YOU DONT SAY! This mood continued all night and finally ended with us fighting about how I feel neglected and he needs to work on it because all I wanted was a hug and he couldnt take it upon himself to do that! I told him that I felt like lately he has been a “lazy lover” and I needed more emotionally from him. He agreed and apologized for having to be asked a 4th time to fix this problem.
The root of the problem, which we came to figure out at 1:00 am this morning, was that after my friend’s parents got murdered and that hurt so badly for me to lose her as a friend over me not being able to make it for the funeral, caused our engagmement to never be fully celebrated, and from then the stress of wedding planning kicked in, then followed by moving in together, buying a house and moving again. Along the way we lost our emotional connection to each other because we were so stressed and busy. The stress that I carried around with me caused him to back off a little because he wasnt used to seeing me like that, so that caused me to panic which caused me to act like a scared biotch, which in turn caused him to back away further and so on and so forth, ending with how things are now.
So, going back to last night, I feel terrible because it finally all came to a head and I exploded. I hate myself for calling him a lazy lover but it has become true, I just should have chosen a different way to say it. Its also true that I have turned into a stressed out biotch constantly because of wedding planning and the fear that he’s pulling away. We have decided that we are still madly in love with each other and both agreed that we have neglected each other emotionally these last few month and we have lost the sense of “dating each other”, so our pre-wedding vow to each other for the next 28 days is that we are going to court each other again and get back to being us so that we can start out marriage out stress free. I hope we can accomplish this!
My question to all of my bees is this, did I overreact in exploding on him? After asking for something 3 times I felt like I had enough and it needed to be finally comfronted head on and actually resolved. Also, are we doing the right thing in our conclusion of our conversation?
To make things perfectly clear so I can avoid any comments about how we shouldnt get married, blah blah blah, we have never thought about calling off the wedding becaue of this. Its not an option, as we cant see our lives without each other 🙂
Oh good gravy that is long! Sorry about that! Thank you for taking the time to read!