(Closed) My poor FI is getting too much wedding advice we don’t want :(

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2703 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

HUGS, i am in the same boat!

we custom ordered our invitations… i only have 100 sets and i do not want to use them to send to guests that FIL’s are obligated to send invites to (since they were previously invited).

what Fiance and i are doing is making a list of all of the ppl… and doing a yes, no, maybe of them… (all of them – at least the obligatory invites will be diff invites than our set, prolly a box set from michael’s using a coupon)… and then we will determine on how likely the “yes’s” are… etc.

we’re trying not to stress about it, cuz FIL’s keep telling us that most of them are “no’s” as they are older… and they don’t like to travel.

try to be understanding of your Fiance being caught in the middle. and keep your head up! you’ll figure out a solution!!

Post # 5
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Announcements are a GREAT idea!

Stick to your ground, respectfully. Tell them you’ll consider what they’re suggesting and then later come back and tell them that you’ve discussed it together and while you understand why they think it’s important, it isn’t going to be feasible. Then explain that you’ve decided to do announcements as a way of including these far away relatives.

Post # 6
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I think your fiance needs to stop listenig to everyone. There is no one right way to do a wedding. About the invites though I think that it is a great idea to get a set of plain ones to send out to these other people. Or make a deal with his parents that they pay for the invites that they want to send.

Personally we’re sending out lots of obligatory invites knowing those people won’t come but they’ll be greatly offended if they don’t even get an invite… it doesn’t bother me because we’re chooseing cheaper invites as I didn’t feel like they were the most important thing as they’ll be tossed in the trash anyway.

Post # 8
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I virtually pat your fiance on his back. It’s SOOO hard to stand up to our parents no matter how old we get. Your fiance’s parents remind me of my fiance’s grandmother. She says things like “Your Maid/Matron of Honor is supposed to be doing that” and “Your shoes should be white”. It finally took Mr. JB going  “look grandma I love you. We both love you. But this is our wedding and we’re doing it Jellybean’s way” (though I much prefer it if it were our way). And she didn’t cut it out to begin with. But he would just cut her off. And I finally stepped in and went “Grandmother, we’re doing this our way. Weddings aren’t as cookie cutter as they once were. We really want to bring out ‘us’ in our day. We prefer doing it _______ way” or on the shoe thing “Actually, suprisingly a lot of brides are dying their shoes blue and even red and other colors. It looks very striking and a very unique way to get in the something blue” Now she suggests things like “I think ______ would look nice. What do you think?” And things of that nature. You might have to stand up to the in laws for them to get the clue and it will probably take numerous times. Frown

 

Best of Luck!

Post # 9
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I can sympathise with you. Fiance and I made our decisions about OUR wedding and all was rosey! Then Future Mother-In-Law had a few quiet words with Fiance and now he’s guilt ridden and wondering if OUR decisions were right! It’s so wrong of ppl to put us in this situation. It’s hard on Fiance as he doesn’t want to upset his mum. None of her friends talk to me they actually act like i dont exist if i’m around them and i dont want them at our wedding! I dont think you should be made to have ppl at YOUR wedding if you dont want them. I say stand your ground! It is horrible but they have had their wedding day, kids, etc and made their decisions and now it’s your turn. If you are inviting them then maybe suggest they help out with making the invites? Good luck!

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