(Closed) My poor naive BF

posted 6 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
2007 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I don’t really there is any such average.  People don’t always share what they spend, and a ring budget varies greatly from couple to couple.  They say 2-3 months salary is the general rule, so if that doesn’t equal 5k than thats a pretty large expectation.

 

That being said, Darling Husband and I did have a somewhat similar discussion back in the day.  He bought be this necklace with a 6mm aquamarine in it (silly man didn’t realize that thats another month’s birthstone..) And when he gave it to me, he specified that it wasn’t a diamond.  That got us discussing how much a diamond of that size would actually cost and he was just shocked lol.  Poor guy.

Post # 4
Member
4099 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

If FH would have spent that kind of money I would have FREAKED the ‘f out!! For BOTH rings [e-ring and wedding band] my FH spent ~$1,000, I’m 99% sure it was under that (without shipping)… I would have thrown a hissy had he spent more than he did! (And yes, he could afford to have spent more, but I didn’t want him to)

ETA: My rings both have diamonds in them… Black center on the e-ring with alternating black and whtie diamonds… and.. on the band alternating black and white diamonds

Post # 5
Member
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

I think the right price is whatever fits into your personal budget.  Yes, the cliched average is 2-3 months salary, but really – it’s all about what works within your finances.

Post # 6
Member
1935 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@ditzkitten:  I think most guys get sticker shock when it comes to rings, if they haven’t done research beforehand. I, however, did not have a budget discussion with my Fiance. I’m not allowed to ask how much he spent, and I don’t want to know. I trust him to make financially sound decisions, and know he wouldn’t spend more than he was capable of handling.

Post # 7
Member
1069 posts
Bumble bee

Whoever said those things to your friend are horrible women! Ugh, I hate stuff like that… why can’t people keep their mouths shut?!

Cute story though. Men are clueless sometimes.

Post # 8
Member
6355 posts
Bee Keeper

The range which couples pay varies so much that I don’t think couples should be worried about averages (for who? For the world? I’m sure most of the world’s couples don’t even have engagement rings). It should be what the couple agrees on, and generally, it’ll fit with their overall lifestyle and approach to luxury items.

I imagine, for example, that if a man has never paid 4 digits for a watch for himself, it is unlikely he’ll see a reason to pay much more for an engagement ring, and what’s wrong with that? On the other hand, the man who has spent 5 digits on his watch… he is likely to believe he ought to not spend less on the ring, since he puts his woman before himself. Which of these men are wrong? I wold say neither… both are thinking reasonably, although they may both be surprised at what the other chose to spend.

Post # 9
Member
227 posts
Helper bee

lol. My boyfriend had sticker shock when we first started lookng at rings. but once we got serious about buying it was more about getting what made me happiest and looked the best for what he could realistically afford at the time. I would not have let him spend more than what he spent and actually wish we had spent less though. By The Way if you check out family owned jewlers you can get a whole lot more than 1/3 carrot for 2500 bucks… I saw a .72 for 2000 a really nice stone the other day. 

Post # 10
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Mine was less shocked about the price of rings as he has purchased other jewelry pieces for me before that contained diamonds and whatnot in them. In addition, since I’m not the upgrade type and I wear mine daily, he was planning on spending a good amount of money on it.

On the other hand, he was shocked about the price of weddings and how much every vendor was charging. In our area, things can get pricey quickly and we are not really DIY-ers unfortunately. From his initial budget for the wedding, we probably ended up about 4x what he originally hoped to spend.

Post # 11
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@ditzkitten:  Ha! My Fiance did that too. The first time budget came up, he offered what he thought a good price was (less than $1,000) and I was so sad. Kind of crushed, actually, mostly because I had been browsing rings and was having a really tough time getting them to come in under that price (although, some were pretty close). I’m not particularly materialistic, either, and I hated that I was making such a big deal about it, but I didn’t want to get something I wouldn’t want to show off and I didn’t want him to spend ANY money on something I was going to resent. I finally acknowledged that I was overreacting a little bit (given my stated values) and came up with some viable options that I would be happy with and that were within his budget if that’s what he really wanted to spend. It turned out that he’d just never really looked at how much they cost and he didn’t know much about them. He ended up picking a really pretty one that fit a more realistic (but still affordable) budget and that is really my style.

I don’t think a guy has to spend an arm and a leg on a ring. I don’t think he proves his love any more with a $10k ring than a $2k or $5k  or $500 one (although I think he can prove a lack of common sense by spending more than he can afford!). What really counts, in my mind, is that he puts some effort into it and finds a ring that really captures your personality and style. It shows he knows you. A guy who spends 3 seconds buying you a Tiffany ring but doesn’t really care what you like might have more money than the guy who spends 3 seconds buying you a Wal-Mart one, but both guys are just trying to impress you with something sparkly without it being particularly meaningful to them. You might say the guy who spends more is more committed, but there are other ways to show commitment that in my mind are more convincing.

I also wished, early in the process, that we never would have discussed budget becuase I suspect that had I not known I would have been a happier camper. It’s hard not to make comparisons and look at the averages to try and determine your relative worth, but it’s a waste of time. It’s also hard to want your SO to spend a lot on a ring when you look at the history of it and realize it was just an incredibly successful marketing ploy brought to you by De Beers. They’ve done a good job convincing many of us ladies that only a gigantic rock will do and what they’re really interested in is fleecing the men in our lives. 

Post # 12
Member
440 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Thank goodness the ring I loved above all others happened to cost €407! Mine would have reacted the same I think…!

Post # 13
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

my e-ring is 0.75ct for just under $3000. *shrug*

it’s under what we talked about “budgeting” for, so I don’t have a problem with it. I don’t believe in the 3 months salary thing – it’s what you can afford without going hungry.

Post # 14
Member
8041 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@ditzkitten:  That is kinda naive… I mean what was he expecting? Lol. Good of you to fill him in. Totally agree re: discussing budget to manage expectations on both peoples’ parts.

Post # 15
Member
1333 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2017 - Seattle, WA

@ditzkitten:  I think you’re accurate about the average being $5000, at least around my region which is Seattle.  I’d prefer moissanite or asha for the simple fact that I just don’t own expensive things (besides my car) and I wouldn’t feel right wearing a ring that was thousands of dollars.

Post # 16
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I was expecting to pay less than $1000 on mine, I could think of a million things I would rather spend even $2500 on let alone $5000!

Luckily, I wanted my moms ering, and she gave it to me. So it cost zero dollars, but is priceless in sentimental value

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