- 7 years ago
A little over a year before P and I started dating, his five year relationship with a serious girlfriend came to an end. He handled the break-up by fully submerging himself in the whole ‘Bachelor’ lifestyle. He and his friends spent most weekends bar-hopping, enjoying the scene and steering clear of anything remotely serious regarding women and romance. P admits that he had a blast, as he needed the change of pace to help with the pain of the aforementioned breakup. Fast forward 14 months, and shortly after our 3rd date, P no longer had the desire to spend weekends downing beer and causing a ruckus. As we both started to realize the true potential of our new relationship, our Saturdays were quickly transformed into cuddle marathons – quiet dinners in replaced loud, smokey pubs, couch-time were being favored over bar stools.
Now, a considerable amount of time later, P and I live together and are admittedly, pretty domestic. We’re always talking marriage, and have done the exciting ring hunt. At this point, I’m just waiting for the moment P decides to pop the magical question.
Alas, to the point of this post. Last night, P went to dinner with one of his closest friends, who was up visiting from Southern California. They met up with several other mutual friends, who live in town. While he still sees the local guys on occasion, it’s not an ideal amount of time – life has gotten busier, considering longer hours at work, and juggling a serious, live-in relationship. And it seems like the only time they ask him out, they’re headed to a dingy bar to get ‘smashed’. Not P’s favorite thing to do, so he often declines the offer to do something more productive, or more “him”.
P said the topic of getting drunk and conquering one-night stands monopolized the entire dinner conversation last night. Now, P is a total guy’s guy; these are guys he has played soccer and rugby with his entire life, these are the friends that he bar-hopped with when he needed to not think about anything else. So, he tried to chuckle along with them, but admitted to me that he was slightly uncomfortable and found it kind of pathetic. He had nothing to contribute to the conversation, and no one seemed interested in inquiring about what he was up to, outside of referring to me as “the wife” when his phone buzzed the table with a text from me. P looked around the booth and realized that every guy at the table was single. He sighed, telling me I was lucky that most of my friends were either in serious relationships or married themselves, and if not, were still extremely supportive and interested in our relationship. P seemed really down last night, and said that he no longer knew how to connect to the guys he has been friends with since junior high school. He told me he’s anything but ashamed of our relationship and how serious it is getting, but that he can’t really see himself talking about it with his friends, because they would just shrug it off or poke fun at him. In his own words, “with our engagement around the corner, who was going to stand up with me at our wedding without seeing the open bar and single bridesmaids as first priority?”
I feel really bad for P. I see my friends all the time, and even the single ones are a-okay with the fact that I would prefer not to stay out too late on the weekends, and that alcohol is pretty much at the bottom of my priority list. They’re all genuinely happy that I’ve found someone I want to spend the rest of my life with, and they’re hoping they find the same soon. I feel guilty that I have these friendships while P doesn’t seem to have that. I honestly feel like putting out a personal ad that reads “straight male in committed relationship, mid twenties, total sports addict, loves video games; seeking same”, but I know that is absolutely out of the question, hah.
Have any of your SO’s been through a similar situation with their friends? What happened? How did you show your support?