My potential members of the bridal party are not in good terms

posted 1 year ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
9097 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I mean, you have two options: Take them out of the bridal party, or keep them and hope for the best. TBH I don’t have that kind of time for drama, but that’s just me.

Post # 3
3536 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

annex08 :  tell her to grow the eff up and be an adult about it, or else don’t be a bridesmaid. 

Post # 4
3533 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

I think you have 4 options:

1. Remove the cousin from the wedding party to keep your sister happy.

2. Remove your sister from the wedding party to keep your cousin happy.

3. Remove them both from the wedding party and replace with friends who will put you and your needs first.

4. Keep them both and accept that there will probably be drama and try your best to ignore it.

Post # 5
4661 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I don’t think there *has* to be drama. Everyone is an adult.

I’m a Bridesmaid or Best Man at my brother’s wedding and the Chief Bridesmaid is just a bitch. Bear in mind Future Sister-In-Law has her sister acting as Maid/Matron of Honor. Chief Bridesmaid likes to make everything about her. Including Future Sister-In-Law hen do. I actually had an accident (involving medical attention) at the hen and Chief Bridesmaid was a total bitch to me. I mean I was mortified I had an accident that bad as it was. Let alone having someone make you feel like a terrible person because you need treatment. Anyway, Chief Bridesmaid is clearly “in charge” for the wedding day and given all the scheduling I am dreading it. They decided on a DIY wedding and we’ve all been given tasks. I have tasks from 730am until 10pm. Actually, I have to camp at the tent venue the night before. Anyway… all that venting aside… I won’t make a scene on the big day. I love my brother and Future Sister-In-Law. I want them to have a nice day.

Post # 6
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I think it really depends on why they don’t get along and there isn’t enough information to say why.  I would normally say your sister should just suck it up, but if your cousin did something really bad to her or treated her very poorly then I would say to not include your cousin.

Post # 7
1631 posts
Bumble bee

andygirl :  Yeah, there’s a spectrum of reasons why you might despise someone. For most of them,  you should probably suck it up and be supportive. 

But there are some major WTF categories you don’t just suck it up for. E.g. if a groomsman was a bridesmaid’s rapist, no one would expect her to “be an adult” to avoid drama.  

Since you won’t say what the cause of the bad blood is, who knows? 

Post # 8
4058 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think you take people at their word. She’s made it obvious there will be drama if you pick them both. Sure she should be an adult, and suck it up, but she’s told you she’s not going to. So assume there will be drama and decide accordingly.

Post # 9
1 posts
  • Wedding: December 2019

Tell your sister to go fuck herself. If you’re still in good terms with the cousin, then that means reason they’re not getting along is not that big of a deal, othewise you’ll be mad at her too. So yes, your sister is the one at fault and should just go fuck herself. in the nuts. while she’s eating. okay i’ll stop now. but tell her.

Post # 10
13677 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’d be pretty pissed if my sister couldn’t act like an adult for one day at my wedding to keep the peace.  If she couldn’t commit to acting like an adult, I’d probably remove her from the wedding party. 

Post # 11
1394 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

I would invite both, and if your sister or cousin starts drama, just plainly tell them such drama will not be allowed and if they can’t keep it together, they are welcome to leave the party. Give them a chance to work this out. Then if they don’t, they can either behavior or leave the party. 

This way your not purposefully excluding those you want around, but letting their own actions dictate how involved they get to be.

Post # 13
1258 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

One of my Bridesmaid’s doesn’t get along with two others (had big fight/falling out, not on speaking terms) but they were all mature and put aside their differences for my big day.

Post # 14
3533 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

annex08 :  I am curious to know what the bad blood between them is about? Is your sisters outright refusal to have anything to do with the cousin based on valid reasons? Did your cousin truly do something unforgivable? Or is your sister simply the type of person who holds grudges for years over petty or even perceived slights? That information is important if you want us to be able to provide useful advise.

It’s easy to say your sister should suck it up and act like an adult, but if the fact is that your cousin assaulted or abused her or someone she loves, stole from her, conspired against her to cause irreparable harm… anything of that sort, then I can understand why your sister would be unwilling to put on face and get along.

Your latest update, though, you say your sister isn’t even sure she will attend… that sounds like some petty bullshit to me, so I would question whether you want to involve her at all. What if you make her a bridesmaid but she decides she is upset or annoyed about something that day and just doesn’t show up?

Post # 15
209 posts
Helper bee

annex08 :  If your sister is very young or always has no filter, I’d let it slide, but telling you that she’s not sure whether she will attend your wedding is very rude, and frankly, a little manipulative. I can’t imagine that there would be legitimate concerns behind such a comment, considering it is a year away and she’s not likely to have something on her calendar that is more important than her own sister’s wedding.

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