(Closed) My previous ring upgrad post was closed so I just want to answer on the advise

posted 2 years ago in Married Life
Post # 46
Member
1151 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2018 - Fremont, CA

I wish you were not a real person. Your posts truly hurt me on your stepkids’ behalf. I can’t understand how your husband can treat them like that. The amount of emotional neglect breaks my heart.

I like to think you would be capable of doing some self-reflection. Maybe not today, but someday hopefully.

Wanting this ring so badly that you feel like you can not wait (notwithstanding your current financial situation) speaks volumes about your self-esteem. What emotional hole are you trying to cover? What insecurities do you think a ring can resolve?

Many people who obsess over material things are, in fact, trying to distract themselves from a deep emotional void inside.

Post # 47
Member
2407 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

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Tatum :  lol, clearly “save up for it” or “buy a better ring yourself” was undesirable advice!

Post # 48
Member
2421 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

 

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anev :  OP’s follow up post: I called up my husband’s ex wife and asked her to give me her old engagement ring that my husband had given to her years before, since they aren’t married now and I’m way better, and that bitch actually said no! Selfish! What should I do?

Post # 49
Member
1490 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

What “advise” are you still hoping to get? Can’t get blood from a stone. Your husband is a deadbeat with NO MONEY and you’re a [self-censored out of respect for site ToS] with NO MONEY.  

So I dunno, charge his ex-wife for a couple more pairs of kids’ underwear maybe?

Post # 50
Member
406 posts
Helper bee

Some people do not deserve to be a parent or step parent. I have some harsh words for you but frankly it is a waste of my time. 

Post # 51
Member
899 posts
Busy bee

Your upgrade has to wait until it is financially feasible and realistic to obtain. Right now it is not, no matter how much it bothers you. You have to work emotionally to be OK with that. Just because someone else had something, doesn’t mean your husband is able to provide it for you too. Even if he wants to. You say you married your soulmate and are very happy. If that is true, you need to focus less on material things and more on your life and family. From the post summary of your previous comments and your current hurt over not having a “big ring like the ex,” it sounds like what you REALLY wanted when you went after this guy was another woman’s life and economic status.  But you don’t get to just pluck out the inconvenient parts of a person or their history — so your husband’s children aren’t going anywhere (nor is the child support payment), and if your husband experienced a demotion or shift in rank at a practice and is no longer making the income he was making before, that’s just what you married into and who you married.  Sometimes the “other woman” or “best friend-turned-wife” starts fantasizing about what it would be like to be in the wife’s position, and how much she’d treasure the guy and how she’d love to have x/y/z from the wife’s lifestyle…..and the fantasy roleplaying of how awesome it would be to run away with the husband and have a magical life gets her wrapped up and confused about what parts of the taken man she really “wants.”  Once the high of being “so special, attractive and loved that he’s going to leave his x for you” wears off and you have to have a real life, things feel way different for you don’t they?

You don’t get to step into your husband’s ex wife’s life, or lifestyle, or get the same “quality” of things that she gets just because you want them. Set that notion aside PERMANENTLY and focus on your current life and financial reality and not what you were “hoping” to get when you met this man.

Also, get a new CZ center stone, or a new cheap CZ ring in a different design. Buy a plain gold band that has been previously owned, or new. You feel the need to recreate your current ring because even though you accepted it in the short term, you played pretend to people that it was real and now you’re embarrassed to change it to a plain band, smaller diamond, or different setting. That’s on you, and again, ties into your insecurities.  You have to get your financial priorities straight. If you were truly comfortable in your relationship and personal mental health, you could wear a plain gold band or silicone ring — or no ring — and be OK with it.

Post # 52
Member
2688 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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newbiebee1977 :  I gave the pawn shop advice. I was wondering where the post went. To each thier pwn I guess. I’m personally not bothered one bit by pre-owned items……but I’m one of those people who feels like everything at the thrift store is more special than things at the mall, because there’s usually only one of each thing instead of a rack of identical items, plus im also very frugal. Both my engagement ring and my right hand ring are pre-owned and cosy about 1/3 of what they woukd have been brand new. Can we see a picture of your ring? Maybe someone has seen a similar one made of gold somewhere and could point you in the right direction.

Post # 53
Member
3149 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

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nykkee :  She doesn’t want a “pre-owned” ring, but at some other point she had said she was mad that the ex-wife wouldn’t give her her engagement ring..?

Post # 54
Member
2027 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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newbiebee1977 :  again? Vomit. 

Post # 55
Member
2688 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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sboom :  wow….really? Wierd! While I love shopping thrift and vintage and getting jewellery from the pawn shop I would absolutely not want my husband’s ex’s ring….. 

Post # 56
Member
2857 posts
Sugar bee

I’m closing this thread now, for what should be obvious reasons.

The topic ‘My previous ring upgrad post was closed so I just want to answer on the advise’ is closed to new replies.

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