(Closed) My recently engaged cousin is getting married RIGHT before I am…

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
750 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I just want to say how great it is that you and your cousin are being so mature and supportive of each other 🙂 I don’t have any advice, though, other than hang on to that spirit and keep doing what you’re doing!! 🙂

Post # 4
733 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

wow, kudos to you for not being a bridezilla. you are awesome.

My cousin is having his wedding 5 weeks before mine. he was engaged before me but never announced a date. he knew it would be next summer but not sure when. we chose a day amost the next day after our engagement. my grandma seemed pissed, like I was making the dates so far together. pft!!

I think enclosing the card or calling them is very nice of you  

Post # 6
1900 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think maybe just a phone call to the uncles would be better than including a note with the save the dates – that way you can have a proper conversation with them at the same time, which might help relieve the pressure.

Post # 7
1256 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I think a note or a phone call would be fine.  It is so great that you are both so mature and happy for one another!  Seems like a rarity in the sea of “bridezillas” these days!

Post # 8
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I just want to first say that I thought this was going to be another one of those posts about someone stealing your “thunder” beccause they’re getting married before you and all that crap that doesn’t make any sense to me!  Kudos to you for not getting caught up in that and realizing that no one is stealing your thunder and that you can share ideas!

That being said I totally agree with PP that a call would be better than a note (but a note works too).  I often find that with letters, email or text emotions can be lost.  If you give them a call they will be able to tell that you truly understand if they cannot make both weddings and that there will truly be no hard feelings.  Congratulations!  You’re so lucky to have someone like that to bounce ideas off of!

Post # 9
377 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Purple_Bride:  I have no advice for you except to do exactly what you plan on doing by puting a note in the STD but I wanted to comment and let you know that I admire you and your cousin for being so mature! Wow. You don’t read many stories like these!

Post # 10
26 posts
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think it is awesome that you are so cool with the date thing, and I also envy you!!! LOL! Oh how I wish someone in my circle would be getting married…. I am the FIRST, none of my friends, sisters, future SIL’s nothing! I love that I am getting married but I wish I had someoe (in real to discuss things with) Lets face it wedding stuff gets old, especially to all single friends and family lol, and I hate that all about me feeling, yuck! So I think it is awesome that you guys get to work together and really enjoy the planning… So happy I found this site tho!

Anywho, I say give them a call too! Like the PP said, they will likely understand more and be happy that you called just in case they are stressed about picking one of you. Maybe you can somehow do something special with them, dinner or something along those lines if they decide to come to your cousins wedding and not yours or vice versa… Or maybe if they come to your Cousins wedding you can have some type of pre-wedding party on a different day than her actual wedding at the same time they will be visting (if she doesnt havent something planned for herself already) that they can come to so that they are able to celebrate your wedding and hers too.. Or can you guys do some type of co-ed bridal showers together and invite them to that… That way they can support you both and not feel bad about attending one wedding over the other….Not sure how realistic any of this is but worth a shot! Good luck with everything tho!

Post # 11
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My Brother-In-Law got married about 1 month after my wedding (the grooms are brothers).  We didn’t include notes to the “overlapping guests” – they were close family members and we knew that they would make the choice that worked best for them, even without our input.  I only had one family decline our wedding invitation (they’d booked a cruise over a year ago).  The other wedding had a lower family turn-out, but their wedding was further away and during a particularly difficult time of year for the family to travel.  My in-laws didn’t feel as though they were being forced to choose between their sons/nephews/cousins’ weddings… each invitation/event was considered individually of the other; so if you run out of time, or if you can’t get the wording “just right”, don’t worry too much.  Your guests are adults and will make the choice that works best for them.

On the other hand, I had a few guests who I was pretty sure wouldn’t be able to attend my wedding – an aunt was having some health/mobility issues, things like that.  When I mailed their invitations, I included a little note (on a plain stationery card, tucked in a seperate envelope inside the invitation envelope) that explained “I understand that [circumstances] might make it difficult to attend my wedding.   It would be wonderful if you were able to make it, but your health and speedy recovery needs to be top priority!  I’m very excited about my upcoming marriage and want to share that with you though.”  I had more than one person tell me that they really appreciated that little note. 

Although yours would read differently, I do think that people feel better knowing that they can turn down an invitation -if need be- without devestating the bride. 

I guess I’m telling you both sides, because it CAN work either way.  It’s not wrong to do it either way, so you should go with the option that you (and your cousin) think will work best in your family/situations. 

Post # 13
9541 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Bummer. But now you get to draw out the wedding prep for a whole extra year!!! And she can watch your wedding as a test run! And I love the idea of re-using anything you can!

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