- 6 years ago
Ok Bees, this might take me a while to explain so apologies in advance for the novel.
Basically my SO and I are having intimacy issues. This issue was evident from the get go. In the beginning my SO was always tired- and worn out from work- we had many talks about this and I eventually left things alone becuase nothing was changing and I did not want him to feel increasingly uncomfortable about it. Things remained pretty much the same until he was deployed 6 months later- even the night before he was deployed we were not intimate.
When he returned it was better for a while ( more than twice a month) and now ( 6 months later) it has tapered off to about once a month again.
Last night was our 2 year aniversary and he went to bed about 10 minutes before I did. When I hopped into bed I checked my phone and kissed him goodnight.
He started to get angry saying ‘ well that’s a crap end to our aniversary’ I appologised and said that I didn’t know that’s what he wanted.
A conversation ( a hurtful one) ensued. He basically told me that to him it seems as if I try to be unsexy- that I’m terrible in bed because I close my eyes. And that he is not turned on by me.
I was very offended by this as my confidence has been shattered by the constant rejection. So much so that I don’t even bother any more. And now he is basically saying that it’s my fault for not being sexy enough. I don’t know if any of you can understand but sex has NEVER been an issue with any other partner- and never have I turned down my SO ever!
I want to solve the situation and but I feel as if this has all been turned around on me- and now that my confidence has been totally shattered he wants to come on to him all hot and heavy when he 1) doesn’t respond to my affection- like won’t even move slightly to make kissing him more comfortable and 2) will complain about what I’m doing or 3 flat out reject me on the spot.
I just feel like my heart doesn’t have the stregnth to act more sensual without feeling like a fool and I’m scared that if I don’t do something I’ll loose him.
P.S – he rarely compliments me on my appearance without my encouragement. He says I dress like a little old lady, he comment on my weight often- I have put on 5kgs since I stopped smoking for him, and he has told me he is disgusted by me when I have my period.
He is a dedicated and reliable boyfriend though. And he is as solid as a rock in the sence of being mature and responsible.
And for record i’m 55kgs and i’m clean, well groomed and have always gotten compliments for being attractive.
Help I’m hearbroken and depleated of energy. Xxx thanks bees 🙁