My relationship is falling to pieces- help! X

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 47
Member
46 posts
Newbee

My dear friend, I found myself in a similar situation twice… those are the 2 worse relationships I’ve had in my life.

guy#1 was getting worse and worse, started to get verbally abusive (and that is what your guy is doing btw in case you do not recognize it) and as things were going it wouldn’t take much longer until he got physically abusive, with time I discovered sooo many issues he had, related to his mother and women in general, he had issues in the bedroom as well and he refused to go to the doctor. I think in a way trying to put me down made him feel better about him not being able to perform, in the end I realized it was not my job to fix him or deal with him, he was very damaged and sometimes I wonder if he was gay because he seemed to be very disgusted by anything that is absolutely normal in a woman.

guy#2 was very sweet, worked hard to please me but the chemistry was never there from the start, I had giving up on love and decided it wouldn’t hurt to give this guy a chance since he seemed to be so kind and dedicated, he was about to retire from the military and I noticed that he was not the most mature guy out there but he pretty much worshiped me, to make matters worse, my sex drive was wayyy higher than his as well as my stamina, him trying so hard would just leave me more unsatisfied, then it turns out his immaturity was not as harmless as I thought, he was very irresponsable but because of his life in the military you couldn’t really tell, you would think a guy who is not interested in sex would not cheat… he is the only man who ever did, in a silly child-like way (online sexy talk) I didn’t let me affect me though, he spent so much time in deployment that it seems he couldn’t get in the mood unless he talked to these women, kind of like a porn addict I would guess.

Your boyfriend sound like an hybrid of my 2 ex’s …. RUN GIRL!! RUNNNN

He is not only being defensive but trying to put the blame on you, that is not healthy, you deserve a man that loves and cherish you and I am sorry to tell you this but a man that does will never treat you like that.

Don’t try to fix him or excuse him, don’t settle, know your worth, learn from it and move on. You might not believe me right now, but almost any guy out there would treat you better than this.

Post # 48
Member
20 posts
Newbee

You have been dealing with this for eleven years??  No way in hell!  He has some major issues and I’m glad you finally called him out on the bs. Maybe he isn’t the one for you or maybe he is but either way you continue to stand up for yourself. Don’t let him allow your esteem to fall to where his obviously is. 

Post # 49
Member
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

@Hope1985:  I’m sorry, but he sounds like a jerk.  Why would he suddently say such horrible things to you?  I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but do you think he could be cheating on you, depressed, or otherwise?  It seems like he’s pushing you away for some reason.  ~  So sorry you’re going through this.  I pray that you live your life happily!  Your partner should not make you miserable.  Hugs!!!

Post # 50
Member
721 posts
Busy bee

Yeah I’m seeing more than just intimacy issues.  What if your friend came up to you and said this about her bf?

“So he tells me he’s disgusted by me and repulsed by how fat I’ve gotten and how he’s sure I’m doing everything I can to turn him off because there’s no other explanation for how repulsive I am…but he’s pretty dependable, so what should I do?”

You deserve to be told you’re beautiful every day.  The sex issues, IMO, are secondary to the disrespect issues.  Deal with those first.

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