(Closed) My relationship is in a bad place. Advice?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
40 posts
Newbee

Sometimes, when life gets like that, I would take a step back and imagine how my life would be without my SO. The thought fills me with dread and I feel grateful to have him. 

If instead, you feel relief and freedom, then obviously it’s time to reevaluate the relationship. 

But, if you DO really want to be with your SO, then I would spend a little bit of time away from him. Maybe take a couple of nights away with friends or family. But, make sure he knows you’re not mad at him, just that you need time off. 

After you’ve cooled down, cook him dinner or make him something and enjoy the night with him without talking about ANY serious issues. Just enjoy a night in. 

Then the next day, bring it up to him and suggest you want to write a letter to him discussing how you feel and what’s bothering you. he can do the same. Just putting it in words can help leaps. 

Hope this helps!

Post # 4
Member
5885 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

You need to get your depression and anxiety under control. You need to start going to therapy (there should be free/low cost providers in your area) and seeing if you need to be put on medication. I would also try to find a support group. Anything to try to make some friends outside of Fiance.

I would explain the Fiance that you are dealing with an illness that changes your personality, but you are still the same person. You just feel like you are drowning and you see now that he has tried to be your lifeguard and you are starting to pull him under with you. Tell him you need a little patience and you will be getting help.

Try to learn as much as you can about depresion. I recommend the Depression and Anxiety book by Daniel Amen and the web site Crazy Meds.

If you cant do this on your own, ask Fiance to find a free-low cost provider for you (some days for me I had trouble even getting up to go to the bathroom). 

If you can, try to get outside. Walk around the block. Fresh air, sunshine and exercise are great for depression.

Good Luck–remember this is a disease, this isnt you.

Post # 5
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

@Awesomebride1:

You should go up to him and just say you want to fix this.  Both of you should just meet in the middle and be reasonable with each other.  Tell him you love him.

I know what it’s like to not be connected to your own family.  Try connecting with his.  It’s not the same but still it’s nice to have.

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