- 11 years ago
- Wedding: December 2011
I kinda agree with ei_laura.
I kinda agree with ei_laura.
Agreed ie_laura. keepitasecret, I hope you prove us wrong, but after being on different types of boards for a few years, it seems like some people just want to see what will happen in an extreme situation like this. They get off on seeing so many people worried and concerned for a person they have never met.
This is why I heart weddingbee, it is so posititve and good for the soul. Can we write a Chicken Soup book??
Lets hope that if this is true, she is getting the help she needs and processing her next move. Hopefully we will hear from her soon
@ie_laura – whether or not the particulars of this story are ‘a hoax’ (or however slim that chance may be), abuse is no hoax. It’s very real for a lot of women, and if ANYONE reads this and can relate, there is so much good advice here.
Also, I can’t help imagine a ‘hoax’ poster would want to come back and keep stirring up the fires; whereas a real woman in a real, broken relationship would probably find it harder to come back, simply because life does not change over night, even if a hundred people all affirm for you that you deserve better than what you have.
@KeepItASecret – we are here for you, whenever and if ever you are ready to keep talking or need more listening ears. No judgment, no blame, nothing. Just open arms.
@ie_laura…the same thought crossed my mind eventually, mainly because when I was on Brides.com, that actually happened a few times. People would just stop in, cause a great discussion, only to find out that they were ‘working the boards’ so-to-say…
However, I agree that this discussion has been beneficial for all of us in many ways, so if this was a hoax, something good came out of it. I can also see where Secret may decide not to come back and update if things have ‘calmed down’ at home and the couple have decided to reconcile things together. Then again, maybe remaining anonymous is the bigger issue. This is the first thread I look for when I come on (because I’m hoping that she has updated us).
Question…how long does a thread stay available to post on? I ask because maybe later, when she’s comfy, she can come back and update us without opening a new thread. I’m not sure how that works, though. There could be a number of reasons why she’s silent, but Secret knows the deal. We got your back regardless what you decide to do.
@ei-Laura- I thought of that too but could not think of a motive for someone to do that…
I do hope she is okay though if it is not a hoax. This is also the first thread I check. I am sure she is fine.. I just know how that cycle works and know that in my past relationship when we were good we were GOOD.. but then when we werent (about every 3 days) we REALLY were not.
I do hope you are taking a step out of this relationship and evaluating for yourself if this is really healthy. It is so hard to do from the inside.
This is so hard for me to come back and update. I almost wanted this post to vanish into thin air. As I write this, my heart is pounding because I remember how upset I was when I first wrote this original post. I had never actually seen anything that bad, and I truly needed help, but now I am so confused.
I woke up the next day and my husband told me he would work on himself and I really just feel so emotional that I cannot go into it. This is so hard on my heart and on my mind, just my whole body. I can’t even function when I think about how hard it is to face this.
I didn’t expect for so many responses. I’m sorry I worried everyone so much. When I needed someone and was all alone and scared, you were there for me. Thank you. I cannot tell you how hard it is to be where I was and be all alone.
I dont intend to even post on here under this name, I just dont feel comfortable. I have so many resources now that I never knew existed and it is because everyone here helped me and gave me advice. I have everything I need now and I hope that my relationship never gets so out of control again.
I just cannot even begin to tell you that I figured out everything within a few days, because I haven’t. I think this will take time. I am going to log off now. I even feel so ashamed that I felt so hopeless as to post about my problem here, even reading it hurts! It’s so weird how it feels.
Thank you for updating us. It means a lot to me that you can back to give us some closure. I hope that, while the process of figuring it out may take a long time, you take the time to talk to someone in real life, whether that be over the phone or in person. Please don’t feel hopeless about posting here, I myself and many other board members have done so many, many times before – it genuinely helps to get the outpouring when you need it.
Just please take one thing to heart: you deserve better.
Oh honey, DO NOT FEEL ASHAMED. Everyone needs an outlet, and sometimes an anonymous one is the best one. Just like PP said, YOU DESERVE BETTER. Just look at how many people out here were caring about you and rooting for you and were genuinely worried about you. Know that you have a huge support system and strangers willing to open up their homes to you. Please please please dont be ashamed…come here whenever you need to, even pop in to read the comments and not post. We’re all here
SO GLAD you updated us and that you took a lot from what he had to say – just supportive resources to keep in your back pocket. ((HUGS))
ditto what kellyv said! please take care, and thanks for the update
@Secret – things can’t change quickly, unfortunately, most of the time. It sounds like you talked to your husband, and that is a good start, but the way he has been treating you is still not okay – unless it does change drastically, I hope you are able to use some of those resources you now know about!
Those hotlines are always there for you, whether you need someone to listen, or just to talk, or if you have specific questions or need tangible (physical) help.
We’re here for you too, even if talking just helps work some of the confusion out. 🙂
Thank you so much, Secret, for posting here in the first place! You shouldn’t feel ashamed AT ALL that you did! You needed that outlet…we ALL need an outlet sometimes. We are human! Don’t ever feel like reaching out is a bad thing, because it is not. Thank you for being open about your situation and even about how you are feeling now. Honesty is key to progress.
As for your hubby’s response to you opening up to him, I’m happy that he at least ‘states’ that he is going to work on himself. But actions always speak louder than words, so hold him accountable to it. In the meantime, take care of yourself as well. Pray. Do things that you like to do (even if you have to do them alone). Seek counseling, someone to confide in, an outlet of some sort. Reach out to your friends/family.
I will continue praying for you and your husband. I know you stated that you do not intend to post again, but KNOW that you are always welcome here. (And honestly, no one will ever know who you are unless you come out and say it. You are safe here).
Good Luck. Keep you list of resources handy. Thoughts and prayers to you as you figure what steps you will take next. Please don’t ever be embrassed to ask for help.
I am so glad you’re ok. I think it’s safe to say that I can speak for everyone in saying that you are welcome to come back here anytime you need support. Anytime you need advice. Do not feel ashamed. There will always be nonjudgmental, loving, caring people here available for you. It’s good to hear you have additional resources now but please know this is always a resource that is available to you if you need it. Don’t feel like you’ve “used it up” should you want or need to come back for support or advice again.
I haven’t “met” a more supportive or caring group of people before. Just remember we all truly, unconditionally care about you. You’re welcome here anytime.
Thank you so much for coming back an updating us keepitasecret! Please always know that you have a supportive community here who supports you and wants you to be in a healthy and loving relationship. I also agree with the original posters that people do not change quickly. When it comes to my flaws, even the smallest ones take a long time to work through. I sincerely hope that your husband will show an amazing improvement, but I suspect that might not be the case. The hotlines are always open, and someone is always around on WB to help you in a time of need. hugs.
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