(Closed) My relationship is in shambles. We have no intimacy anymore. Please advise

posted 11 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 212
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I kinda agree with ei_laura.

Post # 213
Member
7429 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Agreed ie_laura.  keepitasecret, I hope you prove us wrong, but after being on different types of boards for a few years, it seems like some people just want to see what will happen in an extreme situation like this. They get off on seeing so many people worried and concerned for a person they have never met.

This is why I heart weddingbee, it is so posititve and good for the soul.  Can we write a Chicken Soup book??  Wink

Lets hope that if this is true, she is getting the help she needs and processing her next move. Hopefully we will hear from her soon

Post # 214
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@ie_laura – whether or not the particulars of this story are ‘a hoax’ (or however slim that chance may be), abuse is no hoax. It’s very real for a lot of women, and if ANYONE reads this and can relate, there is so much good advice here.

Also, I can’t help imagine a ‘hoax’ poster would want to come back and keep stirring up the fires; whereas a real woman in a real, broken relationship would probably find it harder to come back, simply because life does not change over night, even if a hundred people all affirm for you that you deserve better than what you have.

@KeepItASecret – we are here for you, whenever and if ever you are ready to keep talking or need more listening ears. No judgment, no blame, nothing. Just open arms.

Post # 215
Member
49 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2010

@ie_laura…the same thought crossed my mind eventually, mainly because when I was on Brides.com, that actually happened a few times.  People would just stop in, cause a great discussion, only to find out that they were ‘working the boards’ so-to-say…

However, I agree that this discussion has been beneficial for all of us in many ways, so if this was a hoax, something good came out of it.  I can also see where Secret may decide not to come back and update if things have ‘calmed down’ at home and the couple have decided to reconcile things together.  Then again, maybe remaining anonymous is the bigger issue.  This is the first thread I look for when I come on (because I’m hoping that she has updated us).  

Question…how long does a thread stay available to post on?  I ask because maybe later, when she’s comfy, she can come back and update us without opening a new thread.  I’m not sure how that works, though.  There could be a number of reasons why she’s silent, but Secret knows the deal.  We got your back regardless what you decide to do.

Post # 216
Member
713 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

@ei-Laura- I thought of that too but could not think of a motive for someone to do that… 

I do hope she is okay though if it is not a hoax. This is also the first thread I check. I am sure she is fine.. I just know how that cycle works and know that in my past relationship when we were good we were GOOD.. but then when we werent (about every 3 days) we REALLY were not. 

I do hope you are taking a step out of this relationship and evaluating for yourself if this is really healthy. It is so hard to do from the inside.

Post # 218
Member
5262 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

Thank you for updating us. It means a lot to me that you can back to give us some closure. I hope that, while the process of figuring it out may take a long time, you take the time to talk to someone in real life, whether that be over the phone or in person. Please don’t feel hopeless about posting here, I myself and many other board members have done so many, many times before – it genuinely helps to get the outpouring when you need it. 

Just please take one thing to heart: you deserve better. 

Post # 219
Member
2207 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Oh honey, DO NOT FEEL ASHAMED.  Everyone needs an outlet, and sometimes an anonymous one is the best one.  Just like PP said, YOU DESERVE BETTER.  Just look at how many people out here were caring about you and rooting for you and were genuinely worried about you.  Know that you have a huge support system and strangers willing to open up their homes to you.  Please please please dont be ashamed…come here whenever you need to, even pop in to read the comments and not post.  We’re all here

 

xoox

Post # 220
Member
1454 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

SO GLAD you updated us and that you took a lot from what he had to say – just supportive resources to keep in your back pocket. ((HUGS))

Post # 221
Member
2468 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

ditto what kellyv said! please take care, and thanks for the update

Post # 222
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@Secret – things can’t change quickly, unfortunately, most of the time. It sounds like you talked to your husband, and that is a good start, but the way he has been treating you is still not okay – unless it does change drastically, I hope you are able to use some of those resources you now know about!

Those hotlines are always there for you, whether you need someone to listen, or just to talk, or if you have specific questions or need tangible (physical) help.

We’re here for you too, even if talking just helps work some of the confusion out. 🙂

Post # 223
Member
49 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Thank you so much, Secret, for posting here in the first place!  You shouldn’t feel ashamed AT ALL that you did!  You needed that outlet…we ALL need an outlet sometimes.  We are human!  Don’t ever feel like reaching out is a bad thing, because it is not.  Thank you for being open about your situation and even about how you are feeling now.  Honesty is key to progress.

As for your hubby’s response to you opening up to him, I’m happy that he at least ‘states’ that he is going to work on himself.  But actions always speak louder than words, so hold him accountable to it.  In the meantime, take care of yourself as well.  Pray. Do things that you like to do (even if you have to do them alone).  Seek counseling, someone to confide in, an outlet of some sort.  Reach out to your friends/family.  

I will continue praying for you and your husband.  I know you stated that you do not intend to post again, but KNOW that you are always welcome here.  (And honestly, no one will ever know who you are unless you come out and say it.  You are safe here).

Post # 224
Member
1508 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Good Luck. Keep you list of resources handy. Thoughts and prayers to you as you figure what steps you will take next. Please don’t ever be embrassed to ask for help.

Post # 225
Member
78 posts
Worker bee

I am so glad you’re ok. I think it’s safe to say that I can speak for everyone in saying that you are welcome to come back here anytime you need support. Anytime you need advice. Do not feel ashamed. There will always be nonjudgmental, loving, caring people here available for you. It’s good to hear you have additional resources now but please know this is always a resource that is available to you if you need it. Don’t feel like you’ve “used it up” should you want or need to come back for support or advice again. 

I haven’t “met” a more supportive or caring group of people before. Just remember we all truly, unconditionally care about you. You’re welcome here anytime. 

Post # 226
Member
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Thank you so much for coming back an updating us keepitasecret!  Please always know that you have a supportive community here who supports you and wants you to be in a healthy and loving relationship.  I also agree with the original posters that people do not change quickly.  When it comes to my flaws, even the smallest ones take a long time to work through.  I sincerely hope that your husband will show an amazing improvement, but I suspect that might not be the case.  The hotlines are always open, and someone is always around on WB to help you in a time of need.  hugs.

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