(Closed) My relationship is over..I feel lost

posted 10 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
604 posts
Busy bee

I truly feel your pain. My bf and I had a huge fight last night and well we worked it out, but I;ve been were you have been so many times. I just pray and pray that hings will work out. Before my current boyfriend, I was in a relationship that was very destructive finally they guy left me for someone else, and I won’t lie I was in shock and destroyed. It took me many months to get over it, lots of crying, and some apple pie. I just keep going because I had no other choice. I wasn’t going to let anyone or anything destroy me because I am better then that and I deserve more then that. I had to go through the torture of seeing this guy for 4 months talking about his new gf because we had the same class together. He wanted to see me fall and I wouldn’t allow it. Keep the faith alive, pray, and do things that make you feel good. You will be happy and there will be a great man for you. It feels like it will never happen, but it will when you least expect it. I know you are hurting right now, but each day that you wake up and give thanks that you are alive to see your friends and family members things will feel a little better. I will keep you in my prayers! I hope this helps even if just a little bit.

Post # 4
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Oh Sweetie.  I wish I was right next to you to just give you big hug.  I am so sorry for the situation you are in.  I can only imagine how much pain you are in.  My heart goes out to you.  There isn’t going to be an easy way to get over this, no magic band aid.  I think with time your heart will start heal.  You need time right now.  Also, please, don’t give up on God.  I know things seem impossible right now but things will get better.  


Post # 5
4023 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I am so sorry you are going through this. No one deserves to hurt the way you are. There is another bee on here who was engaged to her “soul-mate” and then found out that he had another girlfriend who was pregnant. I think it would be really helpful for you to read her posts about it. She is a great inspiration to anyone who is going through difficult times. But you need to try to focus on yourself and healing and not worry about the future so much right now. It will happen, I’m sure, and probably when you least expect it. But do read these threads, I am sure they will help you:





Post # 6
1356 posts
Bumble bee

I am tears over here on your behalf. I can’t even imagine the pain you are going through. I am so so sorry. You sound like an amazing woman, and I know that God is still on your side, even when it feels like He’s not. He wants to give you the desires of your heart, and I am sure He will. Lean on Him during this time. Unfortunately, as wonderful as this new relationship seemed, it is obvious that he has some unavoidable baggage. Take some time to focus on you, and use this time to grow stronger. The right relationship will come at the right time. I wish you all the best!

Post # 8
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

🙁 I’m so sorry!!! ((((HUGS))))

I too have a really horrible relationship in my past, and honestly, after it ended, I found that being single for a little while was the best thing I could have done for myself. It was really hard, and I hated it most of the time, but I learned so much about myself and grew so much being single (and eventually came to love it – I’m kind of sad to lose my single life, but it means gaining J, who I love, so it’s worth it).

I think that a time of singleness and healing can be really beneficial and important to a person. It’s important to be an individual, and to find your joy and strength in yourself, not in your relationship. I KNOW that’s hard to hear, because I didn’t want to hear it either when my last relationship ended, but I promise that you will come through this and be a stronger, more confident woman because of it, if you work through it right.

Post # 9
823 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011 - The Tribute Golf Club

I am so very sorry! I can’t imagine what you are going through. I don’t know what to say, other than I’m sorry and I hope that in time things will get better for you.

Post # 10
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I can 100 percent relate.  And can say that while it is horrible what happened with you, it could have been worse. You could have been married to him and been the mother of his child when this happened.  It happened to me,at 34.

I found out that my former husband had cheated on me and it was after a few months of his behavior also “not making sense” too.  That is a big tell tale sign imho of something else going on.  But only in retrospect do we notice such things.

I found out first about his infidelity, then after a few unsuccessful attempts at counseling (we didn’t have problems..even the counselor said it made no sense why he cheated) I decided to divorce him.  It was during the first few months of separation I found out the woman was actually pregnant. 

When we finally were divorced, he became a father again three months later.  So she was already pregnant when I found out about the affair.

You will survive this.  I was married and had a child at this time and I know it hurts.  But you could be trying to look into the eyes of a child and figure out a way to explain to them why daddy doesn’t live here anymore.  It could be worse.

Lean on your friends and family during this time.  And take solace that you didn’t waste an entire decade of your life with the man you had married, as I did.  You have the chance and blessing to start over.  You did have two relationships and they were literally back to back.  I think it’s important instead to give yourself time and space to work thru emotions before jumping back into the dating scene again.

We’re here and when the time is truly right and when you’ve found the man, you can begin planning forever.  There is a reason it did not happen this time, it is because the universe sent you a huge message that this guy is not the one.  Anybody who carelessly risks a relationship by cheating is imho, not worthy of a lifetime committment.  I also believe some truly cannot commit.  Your xbf is one of them as my xh is.

Maybe seeing a counselor would help.  I did a few years ago to put things truly into perspective and it was after my divorce.  It was one of the best things I’ve ever done.  I realized after the sessions that I am my own woman, can be happy even alone and that a relationship does not define who I am.  I  realized that I was great as a single mom, just as I am.  After working thru the issues and getting to that happy place, I was blessed to meet the man I am with now, my fiance.  We’re both fiercely committed to each other and you will find that person in time, when the time is right.  Now just wasn’t that time and he wasn’t that man as he isn’t worthy of you.

Hugs and blessings for healing!   

Post # 12
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Yes it is exhausting to fix your life but you can do it and you have no choice but to do that.

I know that sounds hard, but it’s said with love.  I was at 34, a mom with a young son, living in a city where I knew virtually nobody having just moved there, and without a job too.

Within two months I had a job, new house, and was struggling as a single mom fresh from all the pain and betrayal so yes you can do it.

I am now 40, and getting married again.  Man of my dreams, my fertility is still somehow in check, and happier than I could ever imagine.  Yes, you can start over.  I was so hurt though, that I didn’t date for maybe 2 years after that. 

And believe half of what he said to you.  Your xbf wasn’t totally honest or open with you.  And you don’t have to be with the person you get pregnant either.  My bet is on that there might have been more to it.  Just be glad it’s not your relationship to deal with anymore.

It’s so wonderful you have a job coach..maybe a counselor for the life coach part is in store?  You can do this!

Post # 13
3331 posts
Sugar bee

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this.  I can’t even imagine how I would cope in your situation.  I can say that you WILL get through it and come through on the other side as a stronger woman. If you can, use this opportunity to take care of yourself.  Being single is hard, but you can use that time to truly concentrate on loving yourself and doing the things that make you healthy and happy.  I think you’re right–something that people don’t tell you when you’re young is that having the life you want is HARD WORK.  You’ll get there, don’t lose hope.

Hugs to you!

Post # 14
3586 posts
Sugar bee

Don’t give up. Don’t worry about what those other people are doing or getting in life. You never know what they have to do to get those. They may be in debt up to their eyesballs(like that commercials,LOL), that husband may be cheating, you never know what is going on with other people behind closed doors. All we see is what they put out.

I am guessing you are a Christian. You know God doesn’t leave his children alone. It may take 2 days for love to come, or it may take 10 years, but what God puts in your heart WILL come to pass. Don’t ever underestimate Him.

Post # 15
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010 - The Tower Club

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I know what it is like to be drowning in pain and also to feel embarrassed/ashamed about it.

Don’t give up! I also experienced the worst pain I’d ever felt not too long before I met my FH, due to a super-sudden breakup with someone I thought I could marry. Before that I was the “girl who never had a boyfriend” and then a string of unhappy relationships. I made an active decision (active, meaning it was extremely difficult at the time) to move forward, to fix my life, and I completely quit worrying about being alone or not…. I just focused on MYSELF. It was a great choice and helped me completely change my life, and everything fell into place around that. But it was a terribly difficult time.

This website helped me change my life. The author is a woman who experienced difficult relationships for years, until she met her late husband, who was a wonderful person. She gives the best advice. The first page of the website I read was this one, about what grief really is and how we need to allow ourselves to experience it (I had never fully done that before). It was so helpful, I’m not advertising for her, I swear!

I hope you have some supportive friends/family to lean on. I would go ahead and tell them; I imagine they’ll be more supportive than you think.

Post # 16
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’m really sorry to hear all the pain you’re going through. I do believe Bellenga is offering some invaluable advice because she has been where you are now. I hope that you can heal your heart and learn to believe in God again, you WILL be able to “fix” your life, you WILL be able to learn to love yourself. Once you love yourself God will find a way to put that right person in your path. I’m sorry that such an unfortunate situation brought you here but welcome, Miss Nachos posted about her previous failed relationship and how she learned from it, I hope her perspective helps you! 🙂


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