(Closed) My relative makes me feel like loser, inviation or not?

posted 7 years ago in Family
  • poll: Should I invite my niece to my wedding?
    Yes, invite her, no need feeling like it's a wedding competition : (31 votes)
    86 %
    No, make up an excuse and don't sent her an invitation : (0 votes)
    No, don't waste time on making up an excuse. : (5 votes)
    14 %
    Other : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    833 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    send her the invite and stop allowing her competitiveness to interfere with your wedding/life!!  if you feel happy and secure in your life,,, let that shine through (whether it’s in the emails you exchange or on your wedding day)!!!   people who are always trying to one-up someone else usually do it out of insecurity so don’t let that take over how special the events in your life are!  good luck! 🙂

    Post # 4
    2271 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    Ther will always be people that have more means than you and there will always be people who have less. Having less does not mean you are a loser! I lived below poverty level for most of my life and I have never felt like a loser because of it. I always had shelter, been fed, kept my family fed, etc. Believe it or not, once basic needs are taken care of, the rest is just gravy. You already have more than most of the world’s population!

    Yes it is unsettling to have this relative partake in this game of one-upmanship – it is a sign of low self-esteem on her part that she must make herself seem better than you and also a definite sign of a lack of  social graces!! I have many friends and relatives who have way more than I do and I have never let it bother me, Don’t play the game! Focus on YOUR wedding, YOUR happiness and YOUR LOVE.

    Personally, I would send the invitation to prove that she is not going to ruin your special day. To do otherwise would let her “win” this stupid game that she plays. She will no doubt play the game for the rest of her life – always comparing herself to her neighbors, peers, etc. This will not make her a well-liked person! Yes I would invite her and I would be blissfully happy and show it for the entire wedding!

    Post # 5
    9824 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    Be the bigger person and invite her. If you’re happy and secure in your life, who cares what kind of engagement and wedding she has? She could have the worst marriage ever and be divorced in a year, who knows??

    There’s also nothing wrong with replying “Ok, it’s not a contest” whenever she starts in. No one likes a Bragasaurus.

    Post # 6
    4771 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I say invite her becasue not inviting her may casue more drama.  It depends how she is saying these things to you.  If she’s being snooty about it and saying oh how can you only have one dress?  It seems like she’s just telling you about her wedding details and she’s probably excited.  Maybe you just think it is a competition.  I donno the whole situation, but if you really don’t care that her wedding is more lavish than this wouldn’t bother you.  Just do your own thing.

    Post # 7
    225 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    @leembee: I agree, the niece sounds a bit insecure and it shines through.

    OP: Agree with the others that you should invite her, be confident in the fact that (1) you’re being a kind and inclusive person by doing so & (2) your wedding is going to be amazing and no one can change that or will change that!


    Post # 8
    948 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2018 - Coyaba Resort, Montego Bay

    In general, I just got to the point in my life where I cut out toxic people – relative or not.  They weren’t worth my already very limited time and energy, so why should I worry about them on my wedding day?  If it’s someone you aren’t really close to & don’t really care about, just make the break!  Your life will be so much better.

    Post # 9
    9824 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @quiche: Easier said than done though, things like this can often cause rifts and hurt feelings in families.

    Post # 10
    2161 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I would invite her, and plan your day like you were going to.   You’re lucky to get a 2 week honeymoon and your wedding sounds great.    It sounds like you’re content to be you and that is the most important thing.   It’s her issue, not yours. 

    I had a friend like that during our pregnancies/parenting.  We were due around the same time and she would try to compare weight gain, who felt the baby first, how much the babies weighed, when they smiled, etc…    I would have gone nuts, but realized it’s just her and I am not going to change her.

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