(Closed) My respond by date has now passed..

posted 4 years ago in Paper
Post # 3
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I would call. I’m rubbish at remembering dates and I might have put it on my fridge thinking “oh yea, I’ll do that” and then time flies… etc. I know it’s not an excuse, but some people might like a little reminder. 

If they’re not coming and they’ve not responded, that’s rude, so don’t worry about thinking you’re being rude by calling them. They should let you know either way. 

🙂 Get those numbers finalised! 

Post # 4
7738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@BriansBride: You can’t just assume the non-responders aren’t coming. Some people are just lazy, while you always get a few of well-meaning people who just forget to respond.

Wait a few days and then start phoning people. Don’t email or text: phone and speak to them in person. We did that, and got a firm “yes” or “no” from everyone. Our numbers were exactly right except for 2 people who got sick.

If they’re rude enough to say they’re not sure if they’re coming, say “I’ll have to take that as a ‘no’ then”.

Post # 5
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I would call. You don’t want to assume they’re not coming and then have them show up.

Post # 6
17 posts
  • Wedding: December 2014

I would call them, maybe wait a few days like you said, incase there are some in the post. You dont want people turning up on the day who didnt respond and you put them down as not coming, it would cause more stress for you on the day. When calling maybe first ask if they received the invite? Saying that you were afraid some got lost in the post. 

As others have said, its rude of them not to respond so don’t worry about thinking you’re sounding rude, they should of responded in the first place! 🙂

Post # 7
9780 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

You’re allowed to call and it’s not rude. 

Post # 8
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@BriansBride:  what is rude is not RSVPing. Call guests in a week or two to get their response. It’s not rude and it’s not wise to assume people aren’t coming because there are people whol will show up!

Post # 9
2604 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@BriansBride:  It’s not rude to call. The guests who didn’t RSVP are the rude ones. I think it would be a mistake to assume they’re not coming. If they show and the caterer doesn’t have enough food or the venue enough seating, that will be awkward. 

If you call, don’t mention the missing RSVP – just ask how they and then steer the conversation to the wedding and ask if they’re coming. “Oh, hello Aunt Sylvia! How are you? Oh me? I’ve been busy planning the wedding. By the way, I do need to give the venue and caterer a final guest count and was wondering if you and Uncle Fester will be able to join us?” 

Be prepared to handle nonsense – if they tell you maybe, say you hope they will be able to make it work but that you will need a definite answer by x date. 

If they try to add extra guests, tell them that won’t be possible. 

If you try to reach them and can’t and they don’t respond to your message, call back and leave another message saying you’re sorry they won’t be able to join you but that you hope you can get together after the wedding. This is a nice way of saying don’t come.

Good luck!

Post # 10
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’d either call after a few days or have that side’s parent’s call if it’s a parent invitation. It is not rude to call, and it’s not smart to assume them as a no! 

Post # 11
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Give a few days, then send an email- we sent something like this, which worked wonders:

“Hi, just want to check on your RSVP for our DATE wedding. We know how easy it is for deadlines to slip pass, and our caterer needs final numbers. If we don’t hear back from you by DATE, we’ll have to assume you’re a no. Hope you can join us for the big day.”

It’s so easy for people to misplace invites- it’s definitely not rude to follow up! Or call if you’re more comfortable with that. 

Post # 12
4049 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

We had a large number of people who didn’t respond. One claimed to have put it in the mail long ago. Others simply forgot. Some honestly did not know yet because they had to really figure out their work schedule and were trying their hardest to make it. So definitely call – it’s not rude. Everyone does it.

I think waiting a week is good in case people put it in last minute, but I wouldn’t hold your breath on getting many more.

Post # 14
9780 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I’d give a decent buffer as you did and then start making actual phone calls, wording just  as Zhabeego suggests  with no direct reference to their RSVP.  I would not leave a message on their machine or voicemail unless it proved completely impossible to reach them directly.  I  might use a parent or grandparent to help make some of the calls.  

In reality, I’d attempt to reach right up until the caterer’s drop dead guarantee date before  assuming  a  no.  If one or two are unsure  for very good reason, I would count them  as a no for the guarantee, but be willing to hold their place right up until the day. The caterers around here are always flexible enough to add in a handful last minute, but once you guarantee the numbers you are committed to paying for the meals.

Post # 15
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

We were also missing almost half our rsvp’s.  We waited about a week and made phone calls.  Turns out alot of people forgot to rsvp and said that they were coming to our wedding.  We were happy we called b/c we had to give our venue our final numbers. 


I suggest to give it a week, and start making phone calls.  Because you wouldnt want the situation where they show up and you werent expecting them. 

Post # 16
1164 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@BriansBride:  I would definitely call!! I think that if guests think it’s rude that you’re calling them, it’s just as rude not to reply back before the date stated on the response card.

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