- 4 years ago
- Wedding: February 2017
Hi everyone! I have been lurking here for too long now, and after many half written and then deleted posts I decided now is the time to reach out to my fellow waiting ladies!
Little background first, we are both 26, we have been together for 5years and have lived together for 3, we bought our house 1.5 years ago.
I first stumbled across this site in August, when I accidently fell across a receipt not so well hidden in my SO’s drawer. It was a debit card receipt and was not itemised but it had a local jewellers name written across the top. The amount was not as if he had gone to buy something on a whim, this was a significant amount I am talking about! Anyway I got myself super excited because we were due to go on a family holiday about 6 weeks later. During the six weeks I was high as a kite, and trying to keep all my excitement toned down so he wouldnt know what I had found…THEN… He leaves his email open, again by accident (yes he is rather lax with being careful with things!!!) and I see a booking confirmation for my birthday meal he had booked at this amazing hotel, mentioning he was hoping to propose, cue tears, squeals and general crazy behaviour!
Our holiday came around, my birthday was in our second week and so for the whole first week I was like a little kid, THEN (yes another one) on the morning of my birthday he sits me down and tells me that he knows I was probably expecting a proposal that day (UMMM YES) but that unfortunately it hadnt worked out and he was unable to do it there on that day, whilst away. I just sat there, not knowing what to say, I managed to keep my cool and not let on what I knew, for my sake and for his. He went on to tell me that there is no one else on this earth he could imagine spending his life with and that it is the next step for us but just not there and then. I was heartbroken, I secretly cried for what felt like forever and even though there was a cloud over my head my birthday was still extra special (I have been very poorly this year with an illness which almost cost me my life, through which my SO was amazing, and this was a way of celebrating me still being here).
A couple of months on, I still have little wobbles and wonder what the problem was, is it me? is it him? is it us? does he not want to marry me? I am trying my very very best to keep quiet on the subject but then it leads me to overthink things again. I have talked with him about the future, and enagagement/marriage and he asks me to stop talking about it because it will never be a surprise otherwise. In some ways, I’m pleased I get another chance at it being a surprise because I was totally expecting it on holiday but in others, I just wish, when I see another of my friends get enagaged, that we were one of those happy couples too!
So you see, i have had quite the waiting rollercoaster experience, all this keeping quiet is sending me crazy and I felt I needed to let off steam, hopefully with the support of fellow waiting ladies.
As I have kept telling myself recently….onwards and upwards!