(Closed) My Second Chance…..

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
4229 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

You do whatever makes you happy, but if it were me I wouldnt give him a second chance. 

Post # 32
Member
640 posts
Busy bee

sept22insf:  ohnatto:  j_jaye:  +1000 to all of you.

OP, I am going through something similar myself, except I wasn’t in the relationship as long as you and your Boyfriend or Best Friend were.

Obviously none of us can tell you what to do because our emotions aren’t tied up in this situation likes yours are, but I think the Bees that are telling you to be cautious are just trying to save you from more heartache.  I had to go back and read your other posts as well and I’m really concerned that he told you that the reason he broke the engagement is because you weren’t the right one for him.  What’s changed that he now thinks everything is “right”?  Personally, I don’t know if I could get over someone telling me that, not because I’m a part of a “throw away” society, but there are some things that just cut to the core and are deal breakers in my book.

I’ll give you an example from my own life – I recently broke up with my boyfriend because of his insecurities and family issues (his family, specifically his mom).  We had been having some trouble before the breakup and he said to me “I can see why your ex cheated on you”.  Ouch.  To this day I can still say exactly where I was when he said that.  Now several months later, he is doing all the right things that he wasn’t doing before (like dealing with his mom) but there are some things I don’t know if I can ever forget.

I think you need to do what you’re doing – taking it a day at a time.  I think the onus is on him to prove to you that he’s worthy of your love, not the other way around.

I wish you the best of luck and hope you’re able to find some peace.  As others have said, it should not be this hard.  From my own experience, I have not found a more true phrase.

Post # 33
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

You’ve got plenty of advice in both directions, so I don’t really have anything substantial to say.  But based on your follow-up comments, it sounds like you really do want to give this a chance, too, and you’re doing well at taking your time.  He is obviously important to you and you like being with him. 

Trusting is hard for many of us at any time, but especially after what you’ve gone through, it’s even harder since the very foundation has been shaken.  But again, with only reading this, you obviously value him and you were prepared to marry him!  That speaks for something.  If you think you want this second chance to work out, you’ll have to not only give him time–you have to give yourself time.  Time to keep processing and watching and working on rebuilding your trust.  I wish it were easier, but I think it seems like only time is going to help you right now.  Keep the goal in mind–to be with someone you love.  If you guys make it through this, you’ll have a relationship like no other.

Post # 34
Member
2868 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Notjustasummerthing:  Proceed with caution and don’t necessarily become re-engaged for a few years. The positive sign is that the pressures are from family and outside the relationship. Sometimes you just need to make a choice.

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