Post # 1
I have been lying to my fiancé for 2 years and I’m just sick over it! This post isn’t about cheating or a bad relationship, we are deeply in love and have a great relationship and we are set to get married in 2 months!
Background Info… I met my fiancé on an online dating website and I lied in my profile. I will get to the lie in a minute… We immediately clicked and are a perfect match. I love this man and cannot wait to be his wife. We are both in are 30’s. When we were dating he told me a secret that he was considering withholding until we were marrried. It did not change anything for me. I should have opened up and told him my lie then but he was drinking and to be honest I was scared, I was already in love with him and scared to lose him!
My lie- in my profile I said I had my university degree in teaching. I never actually completed my degree due to becoming ill (lupus) and having to work full time to pay my medical bills! I lied in my profile to attract educated men, not players. And then I met and fell in love with the man of my dreams- who values education. His mother is Korean and was big on him finding a good, smart, educated woman. He said the same! I tried telling him once and he told me how much it mattered to him for the future.
I don’t know why I didn’t tell him the truth right away. I was teaching at the time in a private school so it was easy for him to just assume it, and at our ages we never discussed it in more detail! We live together and are getting married in 2 months and I’m torn. I want to tell him and start our marriage honestly but on the other hand what if he doesn’t want me after he finds out? I’m so afraid and I only have myself to blame. I have been sick over it. I haven’t ever lied about anything else to him or in our relationship. Help!
What should I do? Tell him now? How?
Tell him after we’re married? Never tell him?
Post # 3
If it’s making you this upset, just tell him. I don’t think he’ll think any less of you for it. After 2 years he should know how intelligent you are without needing a degree to prove it. Besides you would have completed it if it weren’t for health problems, which is entirely out of your control. If he loves you enough to marry you, this shouldn’t change things.
Post # 4
@MyBigSecret: Tell him now. You’re already teaching anyway, so I don’t think the lie is a big deal.
Post # 5
Well, you’ve clearly had success in your field since you are teaching now but it’s important to him so I would tell him ASAP.
You have a very good reason (illness) for not finishing so just tell him the truth.
is it possible for you to finish your degree now?
Post # 6
I would tell him before you get married. you had lupus it’s not like you partied too hard. I’m sorry you were sick! That’s a hard situation I would be honest and explain everything if he really loves you he will understand!
Post # 7
@MyBigSecret: I think you should tell him now. Like, right this instant, if it’s possible. He has a right to know exactly who he is marrying, even if this is just a smaller piece of information.
Post # 8
How close were you to finishing your degree?
Post # 9
I would tell him right away, he prolly will not care at all that you didn’t finish your degree due to getting sick. I’m sure he knows your plenty smart already and something like that shouldn’t change how he feels about you, however you may have some explaining to do about lying to him for two years about it
Post # 10
I think you should definitely tell him as soon as you can. Absolutely before you are married, in case for some weird reason this would be a dealbreaker for him.
I imagine he will feel weird and probably somewhat hurt that you haven’t told him something that’s fairly important for such a long time, but also it’s not like it was cheating or being married before or having had a child who you put up for adoption, or other such big things. In fact I am sure he will be hurt and probably angry at you for lying on your online dating profile, but your reasons are probably as good as they could be for something like that, I think– it is hard to avoid picking up creepers when dating online.
He definitely has a right to know, as someone else mentioned, as having a degree or not is an important part of who a person is, and he should know something like that about you if you are to be married.
Post # 11
I’d tell him about it. Who knows, he may even help you get bk into school and give you the extra push u need. But if he really loves you, then he won’t leave you for a lie.
Post # 12
I’d tell him. Like @PinkPinstripes: asked, can you finish your degree now?
Post # 13
I think you should tell him as soon as possible. I would also think it would be a good idea to set a plan to go back to school & finish up your degree.
Post # 14
I would tell him ASAP and if he ends everything over this then he obviously doesn’t love you that much. That would be such a silly thing to throw a wonderful relationship away over. Further, you couldn’t finish due to being sick, not being lazy or a drunk or what have you.
Post # 15
@MyBigSecret: A degree is a piece of paper saying you paid the money and took the courses. It has no bearing on how good you are at what you do, how good you are as a person, how valuable you are to others, or how educated you are.
You are a teacher! You are doing good things, helping people, contributing to their future! If he doesn’t value you becuase you don’t have a piece of paper, then he is not the man for you. As you go on in life you will meet many people who don’t have that piece of paper and who are amazingly smart and talented and educated in ways you can’t learn in school.
So find a time when you can both talk about what you want to do in the future, and tell him that you never finished your degree and tell him what you want to do about it. If you want to finish the degree then tell him, so that he can help you along with that plan. And if you don’t want to finish the degree, but want to do something else to further your dreams about being a better teacher (or something else) then tell him that too.
And if he can’t accept that you can be an educated woman without a degree, then he is not a very educated man. And you deserve a smart, educated man, who may or may not have a degree. I hope he suprises you and laughs and tells you it doesn’t matter. And I wish you a long and happy marriage. Let us know what happens.
Post # 16
After 2 years, a piece of paper should not change how he sees you. Agree completely with @princesspork