(Closed) My shoe obsession is getting out of hand:(

posted 4 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
1995 posts
Buzzing bee

Have you thought about seeing someone? ive actually heard of things like this more often than you would think.

Post # 3
8990 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

This can be a severe psychological condition, but it sound like you’re using spending money/shopping/shoes as a bandaid for something you’re not getting in your life, or even a hoarding condition. You should probably see someone for this.

Post # 5
8044 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

I second PP suggestions – go talk to someone. As they say, the first step is admitting you have a problem.

Could you and your fiance sit down together and go through your shoes and donate or sell a few pairs at a time? Don’t tackle it all. And pick pairs that you’re not as attached to if possible. I know it’s hard, but unless you have a severe condition, you should be able to force yourself to get rid of some of them. Baby steps.

Post # 6
3233 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I agree with PPs, I think that seeing a professional would probably be a great help to you. I can totally understand being attached to your shoes, I am with mine – and so big hugs from me ! 

Post # 8
8044 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

That is a great first step…. 80 pairs – wow! Is there a way you could like ban yourself from your cards/cash for a while (like just give yourself enough for lunch or whatever you need for the day) until it becomes less of a habit?

Don’t be ashamed. Your grief just seems to manifest in a different way than others.

Post # 9
2802 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

MrsWoods47:  Hyperventilate:  agreed. Good advice

Diamond30:  the shoe issue aside, it sounds like you are still really struggling with grieving your grandfather’s passing. Since so many years have passed and you are still struggling, it might be a good idea to talk to a professional to help you work through your grief and deal with the compulsive shoe buying. I would also suggest going gold turkey. Turn your credit cards over to your husband for safe keeping and only carry cash for the necessities lunch, toiletries, groceries etc. It is great that you realized things were getting out of control and are taking steps to fix the situation. That’s really brave of you.

Post # 10
3645 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Diamond30:  Do you live with your FI?

If not, here is my suggestion: Rather than have him donate the shoes, just have him keep them at his house and try to sell them on ebay or some such. I know that this will make the process slower but it’s really important to try and recoup some of your money. 

Please do not be embarassed, many people do many strange things in their lives to cope with hard times and a trained professional will NOT see you as a spoilt girl who likes shoes. They will be able to help you with this. 

Your FI wants to help you with this, so perhaps ask for his help in finding a great person to talk to? 

I also agree with canarydiamond:‘s suggestion to only allow yourself access to a very small amount of money everyday. Perhaps your FI can hold onto your cards and give you cash as you need it? I know that this is not ideal but it would be a very very quick way to stop the habit and start the process of weening you off it. 

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