Post # 1
Many of you will laugh at this but it’s turning into a huge problem. I’ve always been very careful with my money, I save a lot, I love clothes but I’m always looking for sales, I’m very careful when it comes to spending money except when it comes to shoes! I remember loving shoes ever since I was 7 or 8, I would get so excited if my mother told me she would get me new shoes, going to a shoe store was like going to disneyland for me but this only became a problem 6 years ago, after my grandfather’s death. I started buying shoes non stop, a pair or two a day, it made me feel so happy, at least for 5 minutes, that happiness and excitement would fade as soon as I left the store. Now I have a house filled with shoes and I don’t know what to do with them, I keep buying shoes to fullfill the emptiness I feel inside me as stupid as this may sound, I’m only starting to realize how serious this is because I have no room in my house for more shoes, I’ve also started thinking about it and I have spent a small fortune, it’s insane but I can’t stop it. I thought about selling a lot of the shoes because I haven’t worn them but it’s like I’m attached to them. I’m ashamed of writing this because it sounds so shallow, there are way bigger problems out there and here I am talking about my shoe collection, this problem is making me feel really bad though.
Post # 2
Have you thought about seeing someone? ive actually heard of things like this more often than you would think.
Post # 3
This can be a severe psychological condition, but it sound like you’re using spending money/shopping/shoes as a bandaid for something you’re not getting in your life, or even a hoarding condition. You should probably see someone for this.
Post # 4
Hyperventilate: I know it’s serious and it has to do with the death of my grandpa, 6 years have passed and I still haven’t accepted it, this started weeks after his death as a way to make me feel better. My friends always made fun of me and took this as a joke, now my FI is starting to understand that this isn’t about the shoes at all and he wants me to get help.
Post # 5
I second PP suggestions – go talk to someone. As they say, the first step is admitting you have a problem.
Could you and your fiance sit down together and go through your shoes and donate or sell a few pairs at a time? Don’t tackle it all. And pick pairs that you’re not as attached to if possible. I know it’s hard, but unless you have a severe condition, you should be able to force yourself to get rid of some of them. Baby steps.
Post # 6
I agree with PPs, I think that seeing a professional would probably be a great help to you. I can totally understand being attached to your shoes, I am with mine – and so big hugs from me !
Post # 7
canarydiamond: My FI actually did this by himself, I had to leave the house because I couldn’t watch it. From the 477 pairs of shoes he has already donated 80, he will pick more tomorrow but as he was home picking the shoes to donate I went to the shoe store and bought another pair, I thought I deserved it because I was giving away so much shoes, I can see this is totally not a healthy behavior but I can’t stop, I want to look for help but at the same time I’m embarassed, most people make fun because it’s shoes, to them it seems like I’m just a spoiled rich woman who buys shoes all the time just because she wants when that’s not the reality, I’ve been in debt before because of my problem.
Post # 8
That is a great first step…. 80 pairs – wow! Is there a way you could like ban yourself from your cards/cash for a while (like just give yourself enough for lunch or whatever you need for the day) until it becomes less of a habit?
Don’t be ashamed. Your grief just seems to manifest in a different way than others.
Post # 9
MrsWoods47: Hyperventilate: agreed. Good advice
Diamond30: the shoe issue aside, it sounds like you are still really struggling with grieving your grandfather’s passing. Since so many years have passed and you are still struggling, it might be a good idea to talk to a professional to help you work through your grief and deal with the compulsive shoe buying. I would also suggest going gold turkey. Turn your credit cards over to your husband for safe keeping and only carry cash for the necessities lunch, toiletries, groceries etc. It is great that you realized things were getting out of control and are taking steps to fix the situation. That’s really brave of you.
Post # 10
Diamond30: Do you live with your FI?
If not, here is my suggestion: Rather than have him donate the shoes, just have him keep them at his house and try to sell them on ebay or some such. I know that this will make the process slower but it’s really important to try and recoup some of your money.
Please do not be embarassed, many people do many strange things in their lives to cope with hard times and a trained professional will NOT see you as a spoilt girl who likes shoes. They will be able to help you with this.
Your FI wants to help you with this, so perhaps ask for his help in finding a great person to talk to?
I also agree with canarydiamond:‘s suggestion to only allow yourself access to a very small amount of money everyday. Perhaps your FI can hold onto your cards and give you cash as you need it? I know that this is not ideal but it would be a very very quick way to stop the habit and start the process of weening you off it.