(Closed) My SIL is gift grubbing for her 3 yr old.

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

It all depends on her tone, but as a parent my family often asks fo a list for thing to get my kids. Especially if you aren’t at their house often to know what they do and don’t have can be helpful for gifts. It sounds like she was just trying to be helpful, especially since she threw in the sentence about not expecting gifts.

Post # 4
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

That doesn’t sound bad. Most people aren’t gonna show up at a 3 yr old bday party without a gift.

Post # 5
1346 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Hmini don’t know if this is really over the top gift grubbing as I know this happens in my family and always has but it is a little strange that it happens in an email usually the mum suggests things if they are asked.

Post # 6
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

It is kind of funny that she says she doesn’t encourage gifts, has too much stuff and not enough space… Oh and here’s a well thought out list of what to get and where to find it!

I’m imagining the kid digging up grubs with the shovel… grubbing with a gift… gift grubbing!

Post # 7
962 posts
Busy bee

I can see giving this list to my parents, but not to the in laws or to friends. I feel free to violate the rules of etiquette with my own mom….but being so forthcoming with the in laws is a little ballsy.

Post # 8
1844 posts
Buzzing bee

I agree it depends on the tone, but also who the email is being sent to. I live pretty far away from my family and they often  will send out lists (which I am incredibly grateful for not seeing the kids very often) the most recent one I got said something like “Please don’t feel obligated to bring or send a gift, but incase you were planning to do so Joey is a size 4 this year and he loves anything with frogs and lizards.”

I didn’t find it rude, I would rather know ahead of time than send something in the wrong size that he doesn’t like

Post # 9
3265 posts
Sugar bee

@vmec:  That doesn’t sound bad. Most people aren’t gonna show up at a 3 yr old bday party without a gift.

But like a registry, wish lists should only be given out when requested.  It doesn’t sound like this was the case in this instance.


Post # 10
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I don’t know if that seems bad.  I like to shower people with gifts.  It is a little kid.

Post # 12
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I feel like this kind of thing should be given upon request, but I think I would just let it roll off my back. If you accept an invitation to a birthday party, it’s assumed that you’ll bring a gift. And you’re close family, so I don’t think it’s that big of a deal.

Personally, I never mention gifts at all unless someone asks me directly (I have a 2 year old). But at least the gifts seem reasonable!

Post # 13
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I wouldn’t send out a list…..People always ask what the child needs or wants though,so I guess it is okay.

Post # 14
830 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Coming from the mom of a soon to be 3 yr old, I wish I had the guts to send out an email like this. My daughter seriously has 5000 toys and she’s ridiculously picky about what she will play with or likes. I know she’s gonna end up with a bunch of duplicates at her party. I’d be fine with no gifts but people never show up empty handed and half the fun of a kid’s party is to watch them open presents. I didn’t think anything on her list was too expensive, it seemed well thought out and if it’s just sent to family, what’s the issue? Now if she included that in the bday invites that might come off as rude. 

Post # 15
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think context is really important here. Try to be understanding. It may not be the way that you would handle that situation, but maybe that’s just how she’s seen others go about it. 

Post # 16
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I think it’s a little ridiculous, mostly in her very obvious contradictions — we don’t NEED or EXPECT, but hey, here’s a list!

I don’t think having an actual list of some somewhat practical gifts is a bad idea, but I certainly wouldn’t send something like that out en masse. I mean, if someone asked I’d tell them, but yeah. Just realize your kid should get whatever Aunt Sassygrn wants to get her and be like, “Thank you!”

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